May 8, 2013 By 12 Comments

A Year Ago

A year ago I had just gotten home from Craft Weekend with my cousin Rebecca.  You can read about our trip HERE and HERE.  I had spent the weekend in the best place for my heart at that very moment.  I was in such a different place than I am now.  I was in the thick of grief, losing Mom just 5 months before and my heart was about to burst in the wait for our third son.  We had been waiting almost 18 months to see his face.  At Craft Weekend all the ladies chatted and got to know one another as well as you can in a weekend and I made sure to share the anticipation and wait I was having to finally see my boy.

I still remember the emotion wrapped in taking a picture with a group of ladies I had only shortly known with our Waiting for You sign…the tears shed and the sincerity that these woman showed on behalf of me, our family’s wait and our child we just so longed for.  It is etched on my heart.  And the hugs of these woman…my Mom’s hugs are the #1 thing…tied with her voice & her words…that I miss about her.  And as these ladies embraced me with hugs I just let the tears go because I needed those hugs.

I came home exhausted, but so thrilled and blessed to have had the opportunity to attend Craft Weekend…the privilege to meet all these ladies and to spend good time with Rebecca.  It was an amazing blessing.

It was back to normal life and things picked up right where I had left.  Huddy had been sick so he didn’t go to MDO that Tuesday and we had a late doctor’s appointment to get him all checked out.  Josh’s parent’s picked Harper up from MDO and I sat at the doctor’s office for forever. Then my phone rang.  I saw the number on my phone and noticed it was long distance and didn’t answer.  The doctor seeing Huddy that day, who was not our normal doctor, was about to be in and we had waited so long.  I didn’t want to appear rude to anyone…the doctor or who ever was on the other end of that phone call.  Then instantly it hit me…I knew that was our agency’s number.  I sat for a moment and took a deep breath.  The phone had quit ringing and I knew this was about to be a grand moment in our Kelley family history.  This was the moment our family of 5 had been waiting and praying for for so long.

  Oddly enough instead of immediately calling back I did two things very quickly.

1)  Took a picture of my phone because I did not want to forget this very moment.  And I knew when I called the number back my heart would be filled with hope again.

2)  Snapped one last picture of our Waiting for You sign before we finally knew and saw the face of who we were actually waiting for this whole almost 18 months.

Then I called back.  And I heard those words my heart knew I was going to hear, “Well, I have some information for you about a little boy.”  I immediately began to bawl like a big baby, but told our director we were seeing the doctor any minute now and I would have to call her back.  And I said, “Can you just give me a little bit of information before the doctor comes in?”  And she did.  A 6-week-old baby boy.  Teklehaymanot was his sweet, long, Ethiopian name…Tekle for short.  We still call him Tekle sometimes.

I called Josh.  Gave him the 1 minute shocker of a phone call and hung up so we could see the doctor.  We finished up and off I drove, like a bat out of hell to Josh’s parents where he was meeting me.  We closed ourselves off in their playroom with cell phones to conference call with our director to finally hear all about our son.  And our hearts flurried with joy and our hearts grieved.  Adoption is amazing, but adoption contains both loss and gain.  As adoptive parents, Josh and I grieve for what was suppose to be in a sinless, perfect, povertyless world for Sol and Amon.  We grieve for their loss and for their birth families loss.  If you ask me details of their life before joining our family…their time in Ethiopia…please don’t be offended when I don’t tell you.  It’s just how we have chosen to handle our kiddos’ stories…not right or wrong…but just our choice.

Then Josh and I opened our email.  I wish I could accurately put into words this moment.  We were finally seeing this face we had absolutely longed and ached to see.  And there he was.  And he was beautiful.

I cried and cried and cried.  For days.  Emotional wreck.  I specifically remember texting a picture of Amon to friends.  My friend Susan responded with, “Now that was worth the wait.”  We were instantly his.  He had our hearts…all 5 of our hearts…from the very beginning.  He was the newest Kelley.  And what hope God brought not only to our family, but to our hearts as well, through this baby boy.  We hadn’t had the easiest last 6 months and we had suffered a great loss and we were all injured and wearing our scars clearly.  But God used Amon and his perfectly God made heart to bring hope and joy to ours.  God used Amon to help us heal…specifically me…and Harper.  To bring smiles to our faces.  To bring this crazy amazing hope in Jesus Christ and all His plans for us.

And then it was time for a new picture.  One of my favorites.

I wish there was something beyond being grateful and thankful and humbled and honored and just amazed…because I would most definitely be it for the chance at being Amon’s mom.  I am so grateful to God.  What an outstanding blessing…a truly outstanding blessing.  Amon, our ace of hearts, we adore and love you like crazy!

Happy Wednesday.

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April 23, 2013 By 7 Comments

The Fit

Adoption is one of those things that it seems like the journey is over when the family is finally united with their kiddo.  It’s like everyone does the big sigh of relief, but, at least for me, this is when the journey really begins.  This is when the real gets real and you begin to walk on this journey together.  You work hard on bonding and attachment and all the other adoption related things you have to work on.  There is a lot.

I can remember with Solomon, we knew we were going to be matched with a baby, so most of our training was more directed at baby adoption stuff, but I still remember so much information telling us that even when a child is an infant there can still be a grieving process.  I remember that information hitting me hard and it was just so heavy for me to think about…even a baby can still grieve the loss of their natural family…it made my heart so sad for our future child.

With Amon…I almost dropped the phone when our director told me we had been matched with a 6-week-old baby boy.  What?  Everyone and their mother…Josh, me, our director…everyone, just knew since we were open to an older child, that we would be matched with an older child.  So we geared up for an older kid.  We donated or gave away all baby items…I mean E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.  Gone.  We just weren’t going to need them…clearly.  And I remember researching and reading all about adopting older children and again, the grief and the attachment and the bonding and the hard backgrounds and coping techniques…and just everything.  And then, with a phone call, I wasn’t going to need that information to start off with after all.  We were back in baby land.

Since Amon had his special little heart, we bonded pretty quickly.  He couldn’t go out in public and we were seriously home bound with limited visitors and then we were in the hospital together for almost a full month.  We became tight.  He’s been home 9 months now and has been a dream.  In the hospital, the nurses, techs, doctors…everyone, could not get over how easy and laid back and just smiley this kid was…especially after open heart surgery and then all the weeks with no food.  He was a true dream.

He’s the happiest baby we’ve ever had and honestly, not to brag, but we’ve been blessed with some easy babies.  None of them gave us a super hard time.  They’ve all been good eaters and sleepers and very content.  Huddy kept us on our toes the most with all his allergies and then Amon hit the home run of stressful parenting with his open heart surgery.  But they have all been pretty laid back and happy, but Amon takes the cake.  Josh and I say multiple times a week…He is ridiculous.  Because he is.  He smiles all the time.  He laughs.  He eats like crazy and sleeps good.  He plays so well alone or just watching Harper, Hud and Sol run around like lunatics.  He just goes with the flow.

And with a single word yesterday I found my heart enthralled over the strangest thing.  We usually barricade the steps off with kid chairs, but yesterday afternoon they weren’t blocked off.  With a firm “No Amon, don’t go up the steps” our happiest child to date, flipped his lid and threw an all out fit on the steps.  It was hilariously amazing.  Josh and I totally cracked up.  And the minute he would stop and even make a tiny motion up the stairs, we would say again, “No Amon” and he would lose it all over again.  So as any good parent does, we continued to say it just as soon as he would stop crying because it was so funny and we have never seen him do anything even remotely close to this.

As an adoptive parent I tend to dissect everything even more than normal.  So when Sol goes through some sort of change or phase and we are parent evaluating it, we always have to throw in the adoption aspect…is he feeling a sense of loss or other ideas.  Not to make excuses for him, but to make sure we are parenting him the way he deserves and needs to be parented.  All our kids are different and need to be parented in very different ways.  But with this fit Amon threw my mind didn’t go to grief…it didn’t do the adoption dissecting I normally do.  It seemed too out of place for this incident and honestly, I loved it.

I loved seeing him be a typical baby who was pitching a fit because he didn’t get his way.  He understood what “no” meant and it rocked his little self-centered world.  And I sat there and soaked it up.  His shrill little cry and those big alligator tears and the snot…oh, the snot.  I felt like it was a small victory.  He was being a baby and in his own baby way felt comfortable enough to absolutely flip out because we told him “No”.  This may change.  If he keeps it up, then maybe my mind with go to that “grieving” place, but for today, I feel it was just him being our kid…our boy, pitching a regular old fit because he didn’t get his way.  And today I am, oddly enough, completely thankful for that fit…I am thankful I get to parent this sweet boy…and I get to be right along side him, no matter what he does and no matter what he goes through…adoption related or not.  It’s a blessing and an honor.

And near the end, he did let a little smile slip…a hot mess of a smile, but still a smile.

Happy Tuesday!

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August 16, 2012 By 20 Comments

The Airport

How do you accurately describe or truly capture the moment when your family is finally united?  We started the process to Amon in August of 2010.  We made our way through paperwork and our homestudy and our dossier and were placed on the wait list in November 2010.  And there we stayed for the next almost 18 months before we saw his sweet face.  This process was crazy difficult.  The wait was long and life was happening all around us.  Life changed dramatically while in the wait with the passing of my Mom.  Life got hard…still is so very hard without her.  I knew our homecoming was going to be so emotional and wonderful and sad all wrapped into one…I knew I wanted someone at that airport specifically to document this moment…the moment when all 6 of us Kelleys were finally together.

I was elated when Cheyenne of Shots by Cheyenne said she would be there!!!  Cheyenne is this crazy talented lady who is beyond sweet as well.  Cheyenne and her partner Laci of Barefoot Photography captured this incredibly priceless moment beyond well…they conquered it…and fiercely.  And for that, I am forever grateful.  Thank you so much Cheyenne and Laci.  You are both completely stellar.  Show them some love as well.  Head over and “like” their pages.  You will truly not be disappointed.  They are so very good at what they do!

And that is exactly how you capture the moment when your family is finally united.

Happy Thursday!

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August 13, 2012 By 17 Comments

To Ethiopia & Back

Last Friday morning we received embassy clearance for Amon’s case so we immediately started booking flights.  Turns out Ashley and I hit the airways Tuesday, landed in Ethiopia late Wednesday night, had our embassy appointment Thursday, flew out of Ethiopia Friday and landed in Nashville, Tn on Saturday evening.  How’s that for the fastest trip to Ethiopia ever.

Here is our last family “waiting for you” picture on Tuesday before I headed off to the airport.

The US Embassy was so accommodating considering Amon’s health and got us in and out in no time at all.  God was truly working and moving all around us.  Our time in Ethiopia was very short, but so very rich.  I was so glad Ashley was there to experience it all with me.

And being with Amon again was like gold.  Pure, expensive, exquisite gold.  He has this place in my heart that is just so huge.  And he is brave and strong and beautiful.  This kid owns me.

He did great on the flight home…had a few little tense moments, but Ashley and I handled them just fine.  We were definitely a bit stressed, but we made it :)

Officially in the US.

And our homecoming, well our homecoming was grand.  Once our plane landed it was if this burden had been lifted.  We still have quite the road to travel, but getting him home was half the battle.  I cannot wait to share our airport pictures.  They are truly incredible.

So we have been soaking sweet Amon in.  Breathing his scent in deep.  Rubbing his head often.  Kissing his cheeks always.  Cuddling him extra close and just relishing in the fact that God planned our family a long, long time ago.  I just could never accurately describe how thankful I am for my beautifully, knit together family.  And I am still in awe, that Amon is sitting right here with me as I type.  God is just too too crazy good and deserves all the praise.

Happy Monday!

 

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June 27, 2012 By 16 Comments

Home.

We arrived back in the US this evening.  Bags are unpacked and dirty laundry is already in the wash.  Harper, Hudson and Solomon are all asleep in their own beds.  We are back in our house…together…but not complete.

Ethiopia was just as beautiful as we remembered and the people just as amazing as we remembered.  Our son, well he was stunning in every aspect.

As we sat in the Charlotte airport today, gate C16, I thought about how this was our last flight home.  We had been on 7 different airplanes and were about to board our 8th and yet, it didn’t feel like we were really going home.  My home is Josh and Harper and Huddy and Sol and now, our newest itty bitty member.  So home will really be home, when he has finally joined us…when we are all together…our new beginning.

So many things are still up in the air and honestly, I feel like we just rounded third base and headed straight for home plate, but we haven’t scored just yet.  We are so close…we are so close to diving head first into home plate and kicking up some dust…just so so close.

Since we started this journey almost 2 years ago, the one thing we knew for certain was that I would be staying in Ethiopia after court and through embassy.  Up until actually purchasing the tickets this was the decision.  I had done my homework and research and I knew what to expect and what to pack and I was ready…like really, really ready…and then some new things came to surface and advice was given to us and we began to second guess our decision that had so firmly been decided…written in stone.  I had done some major planning in Sharpie and then it seemed to completely unravel and all the work and research and effort and planning began to be erased.  And we decided we needed to take the counsel given from the wise…the people who had ALL the information and so we did.  One of the hardest things I have ever done was to book my ticket home from Ethiopia…even harder than that was actually getting on that plane with Josh and Harper today…maybe yesterday at this point…and actually leaving our boy.  I’ve thought all day about how to actually describe it and really, I don’t know if I could ever accurately depict what I felt today…I’m sure some of you can relate.  And since holding our son in my arms…I can call him our son now…I began to doubt our change in decision.  Isn’t that just like life…you think you have it all figured out…then something throws you for a loop…you reconfigure…and then just like that, you feel like you have to reconfigure it all again…again.  It’s almost too much for the brain.

Three nights ago, I woke in the middle of the night and just prayed.  I prayed more than I’ve prayed in a long time…like out loud…not written on paper, but out loud fervent prayers.  Prayers for our son and prayers for friends and for family, but yes, mostly for our new little guy.  And I told God I was handing this whole mess over to Him…He could have it because there was just no way I could carry it.  I try to do things on my own a lot, but when I held our tiny baby boy, I new instantly that this would be a whole new heartache I had never experienced before.  Leaving him was way too big for me to handle…way too emotional…much, much too heavy.

So today as we flew across the ocean…miles and miles and miles away from our boy…I cried a lot on the plane and in terminals and waiting in security lines.  But I reminded myself I had handed this over to God.  It was His now.

The night before we left Ethiopia Harper wanted me to read to her before we went to sleep.  One of the books she brought with her was this odd little book called The Lord Is My Shepard…Selected Psalms of Encouragement.  I have no clue where she even got the book.  It’s quite lengthy, so I told her to pick one page and we would read the page and then go to sleep.  She chose Psalm 62:

5-6 God, the one and only—
      I’ll wait as long as he says.
   Everything I hope for comes from him,
      so why not?
   He’s solid rock under my feet,
      breathing room for my soul,
   An impregnable castle:
      I’m set for life.

 7-8 My help and glory are in God
      —granite-strength and safe-harbor-God—
   So trust him absolutely, people;
      lay your lives on the line for him.
      God is a safe place to be.

I said I handed it over and I did.  I know this home stretch of waiting…this sprint down the third base line, will be wildly difficult…will take our breath away, but I have given this time…this last bit of wait…over to Him…to the One who is good and strong and is the rock under our feet.  I have nothing left, but to trust that He is going to take us all the way home and unite our small little family, finally, together as one.

So many more things to share and so many pictures to post.  We passed court…we are officially a family of 6…4 wee Kelleys…and God is just too good and I’m already ready to get back on those planes and see our itty bitty boy again.

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June 5, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Waiting On Court

Well here we are…one month in on our new waiting game for our court date.  I feel like God is really working on my patience…goodness knows, I need it!  Today everyone slept late.  Harper slept until 9am.  I told her I was really going to love her as a teenager…the girl likes her sleep.  So we got a late start on our morning pool time and all the while I just couldn’t get itty bitty boy off my mind.

We were driving over to Josh’s parents pool and Blessed Be Your Name by the Newsboys came on the radio.  Flashback city hit.  Almost 3 years ago to the day we were in the exact same position…in June we were waiting to hear about Solomon’s court date and I was driving Harper and Huddy over to swim at Josh’s parents house and this same song came on the radio.  I remember just sobbing over the song and I told Harper and Huddy…a wee 2-year-old and barely 9-month-old, how we needed to always praise God…good or bad…no matter what.  As we rode in the car I told the wee Kelleys the story all over again.  It was very surreal and gave my heart a bit of hope.  God cares about those small moments of hope.  I dig that.

(I still haven’t changed the clock in the van…hence it really being 9:51…and I may need to clean the van too.)

Then we got our swim on.  I’ve decided swimming is pure joy to the wee Kelleys.  They just swim their little hearts out.  They always do a little people watching too.  I’m afraid I am raising nosey kids :)

Harper is now a full fledged swimmer.  She jumps in the deep end and swims all the way back to the shallow in.  All she needed was a bit of confidence and to see my friend’s 3-year-old on Facebook swimming :)   She was super proud of herself.  And Sol isn’t far behind.

And Huddy…well, he’s just Huddy.  He’s brave and courageous and cautious all wrapped into one.  He’s just a bit more concerned with pulling himself up on the side…I love his upper body strength…and staying warm.

He talked Sol into chilling with him for a bit.  Sol is a good sport when it comes to showing his brother some love.

Sol may just in fact be a swimmer when he gets older.  Can you see it?  I can.  Be still my ever loving heart…this kid kills me.

Then they all did a bit of sun bathing before we headed home for some lunch.  I know just about every mother feels this way, but they just make my day.  I cannot for the life of me understand why God allowed me to be their Mom.  I am so honored.  Some days I feel like I am dropping the parenting ball all over the place…making huge mistakes…and then I just take a good long look at the 3 of them and I think to myself, “We’re going to make it.  We’re going to be okay.”  And I believe we are.

After lunch, to keep my mind busy and off hoping and praying the phone rings soon with our court news, we made up some Bunny’s Cake to share.  This may in fact be the best chocolate cake ever.  It’s my Aunt Peggy’s recipe, which she got from a sweet lady named Bunny years and years ago.  It is now known as Bunny’s Cake in our Hall family cookbook.

Go ahead and make some up today and thank me later.  Oh and it totally needs to be shared…it’s just too good not to share.

Happy Tuesday!

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May 23, 2012 By 3 Comments

You Got To Hold On

Harper is my chore doer.  She loves to do chores.  And I love to watch her dust bust…flying hair and all.

The boys fit just perfectly under the counter at the post office.  Just perfect.

Target dollar bin, how I love thee.  Act surprised if you get a card from me in the mail.

I’ve been itching to make my first itty bitty boy purchase.  Harper has been too.  I put my personal wishes aside and let her make the first choice today.  I love that she knows I dig the anchors and even more, I love that she knows they remind me of Grammy.

We had lunch at the park today with Brea and a few of her wee ones.  A fry dropped out of the bag when I was getting everyone’s lunches out.  A rad little squirrel enjoyed it…then proceeded to hang out and find his way into our personal space.  Brea enjoyed it…it freaked me out a bit.  I like my personal space…squirrel free.

2 hours of park play = very, very dirty wee Kelley feet.

If you haven’t heard of Alabama Shakes yet, you should be soon.  They are all over the place…super popular.  I’m not completely crazy about them yet, but I do dig their “Hold On” song.  My heart may explode soon with anxiety and anticipation and just pure craziness.  So many things on the line…so many things just hanging in the wait.  Me…just holding on.

I’ve prayed for a solid 6 months that God would give me a dream about Mom…just one…that was all I was asking for.  Last night…I got it.  I went to the post office and she was standing beside the trash can with her royal blue dress on with her hot pink blouse over it.  She had on her infamous high heels and jazzy, big earrings.  I gave her a hug and said, “I miss you.”  She said, “I know.”  And that was it.  Not super long or enlightening, like I had hoped, but just enough.  I’m praying for another one, like asap.  “You got to hold on…” and that is exactly what I am doing.

Come on healed heart & itty bitty boy.  I’m holding on like mad…for you both!

Happy Wednesday.

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May 22, 2012 By 3 Comments

Pretty Random

I have lots of completely, unrelated things to write today.  So let’s get started…in no particular order…

*Our paperwork was found and arrived safely in Seattle, WA yesterday.  That was pretty exciting.  How about virtual high-5s all around?  Up high!

*Our nephew Coop had his graduation from 5th grade last night.  He was looking pretty cool while his entire class rocked out.

*One thing I really like about my kids…they can sit through an entire 5th grade graduation.  Sol cheered for just about every single kid and called them all Coop and relaxed in the bleachers.  Huddy buttoned and unbuttoned and rebuttoned Nene’s shirt :)

*Any morning that begins with licking the leftover cheesecake batter is top notch in my book.  And for reals, this is the best cheesecake ever.

 *I love when our mornings are filled with good, fun, fightless play.  Legos for the boys…

and painting for Harper.

*And then the fights began & some tears rolled :)

*I like that Harper enjoys painting.  I like that she thinks about exactly what she wants to create.  I like the way God designed her :)

*The Oscar Mayer wiener mobile has been showing up randomly on our street over the past 2 weeks.  I personally, hope it stays.

*I like Harper’s quilt…crazy binding, imperfections and all.  I hope it’s a treasure when she gets older.

*For lunch we tried out these Pizza Puffs.  So yummy!  Everyone devoured them and I made a dozen mini ones and a dozen regular muffin sized ones as well.  I doubled the recipe.

Picture Source

*Nothing ends lunch quite like some cheesecake taste testing.  I got lots of smiles and thumbs ups.

And that’s about it.  Hoping to work on some art pieces tonight.  Praying big prayers for our week…hoping we get word about court this week…that would rock.  Now, I have 3 wee Kelleys who are all waiting to hear some books before nap.

Happy Tuesday!

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