Buntings, Adoption & Skinny Trees

This weekend I made up some fun mini Christmas buntings.  Each strand is over 8ft long and includes 50 flags.  They are $25 flat.  Shoot me an email (pitterpatterart at gmail dot com) or send me a message HERE if you are interested.  I have 5 available.

I’m also working on getting some key fob sets made up, but also working on orders as they come in, so if you know you would like a set, send me a message and I can make sure I get them made up for you.  More name pillows, key fobs and a 4×12 canvas headed to their new owners.  Can’t say enough how appreciative I am for your business.

 

I also still have some canvases available for purchase HERE or click on the Currently Available button at the top.  These are ready to ship.

In other news…2 things:

1.)  The kids school had their Trojan Trot to help raise money for school equipment.  I seriously could not love this school more.  It was super fun getting to walk for an hour with both the kindergarten and second grade classes…my kiddos and all their friends who they spend so much time with 5 days a week.  Amon rocked his stroller after his legs were toast.  Toddler stamina is pretty low 🙂

 While walking with Harper’s class Amon drew quite a crowd and of course brought up lots of kid questions about why are family looks a little different.  I don’t mind these questions at all.  I like that kids want to know and I like to help and assist with answers and the processing of them.  I also feel like our kids are pretty equipped to answer these questions on their own as well.  “So you wanted another kid and he needed a family and God put you together…”  Another friend chimed in, “I’m adopted too.”  I said, “And what a blessing you are to your mom and dad.”  And then I really started crying like a big lady baby.  They all giggled at me and one little girl even said, “Oh I didn’t mean to make you cry.”  I told them all sometimes I just cry happy tears.

Adoption is hard and laced with all kinds of loss and brokeness for the birth family and the child, but God is sovereign and mighty and only He can bring restoration.  I have all kinds of complicated feelings about it.  I hate that I will never fully understand how Solomon and Amon feel as they grow and process their stories.  I’ll never be able to fully grasp the loss they grieve because I haven’t experienced it…so sometimes all I can do is beg God to be all their answers and all their heart needs and in the same breath praise His name and shout prayers of gratefulness that I get to be their Mom.  What a privilege and honor.  I walked away that day beaming with gratefulness that 4 crazy good kids call me Mom and for the opportunities we are given to be apart of this community.

2.)  On a less emotional note…we got our Christmas on this weekend.  Josh Kelley could wait no longer.  Our past, much fuller, but much older Christmas tree finally bit the dust last year, so this year we pulled out this skinny guy and you know what, I love it.  Harper was super skeptical at first.  Especially when it was just like a stick…no limbs spread out yet, but then it came alive and we’re all digging the skinny tree this year.  And honestly it works great for our small space.

Doesn’t everyone wear toboggans and gloves while placing ornaments on their Christmas tree?!?!?!?

And Full Count’s Christmas tree lot is opened early.  So you can go ahead  and get your live tree now.  They’re located at Foxx Pools in Hendersonville…780 W Main St.  All money raised goes towards sending kids on mission.  An easy win/win.  We would totally get one, but alas my allergy kid would probably die.  Ha.  No dying on Christmas.  Go check them out and let your Christmas tree purchase mean something extra this year.

That’s all I’ve got.  A random smorgasbord as always.  Thanks for stopping by and hope your week is off to a grand start.

Happy Monday.

Before His Birthday Thoughts

I love birthdays.  I love a reason to celebrate the special people in my life and our family.  I love carefully selecting just the right gift, hanging decorations and preparing yummy treats.  I love an entire day devoted to that special person.  Solomon is always the most detailed of our bunch.  In fact, he’s the most detailed kid I know.  He notices everything and remembers where everything is located.  When I’ve lost something, he’s my go-to guy.  I think this is why he loves legos and puzzles so much.  He works big Lego kits entirely alone and nails them.  Give him a 200 piece puzzle and he’s as happy as a clown.  He is just so very detailed oriented.  He loves books and magazines and sits crossed legged like a little old man studying each page so very carefully.

 

When it came time to chat about planning his birthday day, he had all the details in his little head.  Chocolate donuts with sprinkles and some without.  Chocolate milk to drink.  Chuck E Cheese to play games and cheese pizza for lunch.  Brownies, but cupcake shaped, with chocolate chip cookie dough frosting topped with ninjas.  I let him pick out fun plates and napkins and wrapping paper…he chose Star Wars plates, Ninja Turtle napkins and Cars wrapping paper…who knew.  I didn’t even know he liked Cars.

Today we’re preparing to celebrate his little life tomorrow.  We did some Krogering before 8am this morning for birthday supplies…we were all looking awesome.

I can’t believe he’s 5.  I miss his baby days just a little, like I miss all their baby days just a little, but I wouldn’t go back for all the money in the world.  I love who Solomon is becoming.  I love who all my kids are becoming and I’m so excited to watch them change and grow and I want to enjoy these days.  They were precious baby people and Sol was the happiest baby, but I adore the big kids they are changing in to.  I like seeing glimpses of who they are becoming.  It’s an honor.

His birthday is always a little hard on my heart, as there are always questions and we don’t have all the answers for him.  I received the sweetest text this morning that was a prayer for Sol and his birthday.  It made me weepy.  The things my incredible friend thought to pray over him was just amazingly good for this momma’s heart.  Adoption can be the most joyful thing and then turn right around and be the hardest thing…joy and grief intertwined together.  Gain and loss.  Whys and why nots.  Hows and how comes.  It’s just hard sometimes.  As Sol’s mom I want to take away every bit of pain and grief and loss and protect him and hide him away from the world, but that’s not what God called me to do as his mom.  God has called Josh and I to smother his heart in prayer and love and be there when the loss and grief sets in.  To listen to him.  To whether the storm with him.  Begging God to be all the answers to all of Solomon’s questions and future questions.  Begging God to be his comfort and healing.  Begging God to be his Father and to hold him the tightest and love him the hardest in those moments of grief which are sure to come.

We want more than anything to be the parents God has called us to be.  Ultimately we make lots of mistakes…lots…but God will always be perfect and righteous and just what both Josh and I need and what Solomon needs.  I pray so hard Sol will realize early on how God designed him so perfectly perfect in His image and how He loves him more than anyone else in the entire world.  How God makes no mistakes and how every thing has filtered through His hands in this world.  How after God’s love, our love is the biggest for him.  And how he has made our family even more amazing…how we’re honored and humbled to be apart of his life, how no matter what we will always love and cherish him as our son and how incredibly, incredibly thankful we are for his birth mom.

 I have questioned a million times over how on earth God thought Josh and I were even remotely good enough to be his parents.  Why us?  And every time, I just end up abandoning the question with genuinely deep gratitude towards God for taking a chance on us, for stitching our family together so uniquely perfect and for trusting us, even when He knows we’re going to screw up.  Today as we prepare to celebrate Solomon’s amazing life, I’m deeply thankful to be his Momma and to watch as his beautiful life unfolds.

Happy Friday!

When We Met…Hearts Were Changed

1 year ago today we met Amon for the first time.

Long before we saw his face I sat in church one day and God led me to Amon’s verse…the verse I would hold tight too and will forever be Amon’s.

“How can we thank God enough for you in return for all the JOY we have in the presence of our God because of you?” 1 Thessalonians 3:9

It’s so very true.  He is joy.  And he brings Joy.  He makes joy well up and a smile stretch across your face.  When we met Amon our hearts were forever changed, yet again.  This kid owns every.single.one.of.us.  We are all so smitten and I love hearing Harper, Huddy and Sol all just make over him like he’s the grandest thing on Earth.  We are so glad we decided to take Harper with us to meet Amon for the first time.  They have a crazy sweet bond and I always imagine them being very best friends as they grow…despite being the oldest and the youngest.  She absolutely adores him…makes over him…brags on him…mother hens him to death…and he always saves his biggest smiles just for her.

I sat yesterday and just cried like the biggest baby ever as I looked through pictures and watched videos of our first time with Amon in Ethiopia.  I was so overwhelmed by God’s goodness.  God has been incredibly gracious to our family and just blessed us beyond our wildest dreams.

The road to Amon was not easy…in fact, our process to Amon contains my most heavy hearted moments of my life.  I lost mom and I just don’t know if I’ve longed for something as deep and as hard as I longed for Amon.  My heart and head learned a great deal about God and His love and sovereignty.  And even more, I learned God is always in control and even when we don’t think we see Him moving and working, He is.  He is always there…in the pain, in the longing, in the grief, in the overwhelming, suffocating moments; He is there.  And then He’s there in the joy too.

Sometimes the hardest things yield the most beautiful outcomes.  In our case, Amon brought joy and hope.  And God used a terribly hard part of our lives and this absolutely incredible child to renew our spirits, change our hearts and add to the loveliness of our family once again.  So today, no matter what the day holds, I’m just thankful.  So thankful and grateful to God for hard roads and beautiful outcomes.  And for joy.  Joy is such a beautiful thing.

Dear Amon,

We all love you like crazy.  We are completely wild over you.  Thank you for just being your joyful self.

Love, Mom

A Year Ago

A year ago I had just gotten home from Craft Weekend with my cousin Rebecca.  You can read about our trip HERE and HERE.  I had spent the weekend in the best place for my heart at that very moment.  I was in such a different place than I am now.  I was in the thick of grief, losing Mom just 5 months before and my heart was about to burst in the wait for our third son.  We had been waiting almost 18 months to see his face.  At Craft Weekend all the ladies chatted and got to know one another as well as you can in a weekend and I made sure to share the anticipation and wait I was having to finally see my boy.

I still remember the emotion wrapped in taking a picture with a group of ladies I had only shortly known with our Waiting for You sign…the tears shed and the sincerity that these woman showed on behalf of me, our family’s wait and our child we just so longed for.  It is etched on my heart.  And the hugs of these woman…my Mom’s hugs are the #1 thing…tied with her voice & her words…that I miss about her.  And as these ladies embraced me with hugs I just let the tears go because I needed those hugs.

I came home exhausted, but so thrilled and blessed to have had the opportunity to attend Craft Weekend…the privilege to meet all these ladies and to spend good time with Rebecca.  It was an amazing blessing.

It was back to normal life and things picked up right where I had left.  Huddy had been sick so he didn’t go to MDO that Tuesday and we had a late doctor’s appointment to get him all checked out.  Josh’s parent’s picked Harper up from MDO and I sat at the doctor’s office for forever. Then my phone rang.  I saw the number on my phone and noticed it was long distance and didn’t answer.  The doctor seeing Huddy that day, who was not our normal doctor, was about to be in and we had waited so long.  I didn’t want to appear rude to anyone…the doctor or who ever was on the other end of that phone call.  Then instantly it hit me…I knew that was our agency’s number.  I sat for a moment and took a deep breath.  The phone had quit ringing and I knew this was about to be a grand moment in our Kelley family history.  This was the moment our family of 5 had been waiting and praying for for so long.

  Oddly enough instead of immediately calling back I did two things very quickly.

1)  Took a picture of my phone because I did not want to forget this very moment.  And I knew when I called the number back my heart would be filled with hope again.

2)  Snapped one last picture of our Waiting for You sign before we finally knew and saw the face of who we were actually waiting for this whole almost 18 months.

Then I called back.  And I heard those words my heart knew I was going to hear, “Well, I have some information for you about a little boy.”  I immediately began to bawl like a big baby, but told our director we were seeing the doctor any minute now and I would have to call her back.  And I said, “Can you just give me a little bit of information before the doctor comes in?”  And she did.  A 6-week-old baby boy.  Teklehaymanot was his sweet, long, Ethiopian name…Tekle for short.  We still call him Tekle sometimes.

I called Josh.  Gave him the 1 minute shocker of a phone call and hung up so we could see the doctor.  We finished up and off I drove, like a bat out of hell to Josh’s parents where he was meeting me.  We closed ourselves off in their playroom with cell phones to conference call with our director to finally hear all about our son.  And our hearts flurried with joy and our hearts grieved.  Adoption is amazing, but adoption contains both loss and gain.  As adoptive parents, Josh and I grieve for what was suppose to be in a sinless, perfect, povertyless world for Sol and Amon.  We grieve for their loss and for their birth families loss.  If you ask me details of their life before joining our family…their time in Ethiopia…please don’t be offended when I don’t tell you.  It’s just how we have chosen to handle our kiddos’ stories…not right or wrong…but just our choice.

Then Josh and I opened our email.  I wish I could accurately put into words this moment.  We were finally seeing this face we had absolutely longed and ached to see.  And there he was.  And he was beautiful.

I cried and cried and cried.  For days.  Emotional wreck.  I specifically remember texting a picture of Amon to friends.  My friend Susan responded with, “Now that was worth the wait.”  We were instantly his.  He had our hearts…all 5 of our hearts…from the very beginning.  He was the newest Kelley.  And what hope God brought not only to our family, but to our hearts as well, through this baby boy.  We hadn’t had the easiest last 6 months and we had suffered a great loss and we were all injured and wearing our scars clearly.  But God used Amon and his perfectly God made heart to bring hope and joy to ours.  God used Amon to help us heal…specifically me…and Harper.  To bring smiles to our faces.  To bring this crazy amazing hope in Jesus Christ and all His plans for us.

And then it was time for a new picture.  One of my favorites.

I wish there was something beyond being grateful and thankful and humbled and honored and just amazed…because I would most definitely be it for the chance at being Amon’s mom.  I am so grateful to God.  What an outstanding blessing…a truly outstanding blessing.  Amon, our ace of hearts, we adore and love you like crazy!

Happy Wednesday.

The Fit

Adoption is one of those things that it seems like the journey is over when the family is finally united with their kiddo.  It’s like everyone does the big sigh of relief, but, at least for me, this is when the journey really begins.  This is when the real gets real and you begin to walk on this journey together.  You work hard on bonding and attachment and all the other adoption related things you have to work on.  There is a lot.

I can remember with Solomon, we knew we were going to be matched with a baby, so most of our training was more directed at baby adoption stuff, but I still remember so much information telling us that even when a child is an infant there can still be a grieving process.  I remember that information hitting me hard and it was just so heavy for me to think about…even a baby can still grieve the loss of their natural family…it made my heart so sad for our future child.

With Amon…I almost dropped the phone when our director told me we had been matched with a 6-week-old baby boy.  What?  Everyone and their mother…Josh, me, our director…everyone, just knew since we were open to an older child, that we would be matched with an older child.  So we geared up for an older kid.  We donated or gave away all baby items…I mean E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.  Gone.  We just weren’t going to need them…clearly.  And I remember researching and reading all about adopting older children and again, the grief and the attachment and the bonding and the hard backgrounds and coping techniques…and just everything.  And then, with a phone call, I wasn’t going to need that information to start off with after all.  We were back in baby land.

Since Amon had his special little heart, we bonded pretty quickly.  He couldn’t go out in public and we were seriously home bound with limited visitors and then we were in the hospital together for almost a full month.  We became tight.  He’s been home 9 months now and has been a dream.  In the hospital, the nurses, techs, doctors…everyone, could not get over how easy and laid back and just smiley this kid was…especially after open heart surgery and then all the weeks with no food.  He was a true dream.

He’s the happiest baby we’ve ever had and honestly, not to brag, but we’ve been blessed with some easy babies.  None of them gave us a super hard time.  They’ve all been good eaters and sleepers and very content.  Huddy kept us on our toes the most with all his allergies and then Amon hit the home run of stressful parenting with his open heart surgery.  But they have all been pretty laid back and happy, but Amon takes the cake.  Josh and I say multiple times a week…He is ridiculous.  Because he is.  He smiles all the time.  He laughs.  He eats like crazy and sleeps good.  He plays so well alone or just watching Harper, Hud and Sol run around like lunatics.  He just goes with the flow.

And with a single word yesterday I found my heart enthralled over the strangest thing.  We usually barricade the steps off with kid chairs, but yesterday afternoon they weren’t blocked off.  With a firm “No Amon, don’t go up the steps” our happiest child to date, flipped his lid and threw an all out fit on the steps.  It was hilariously amazing.  Josh and I totally cracked up.  And the minute he would stop and even make a tiny motion up the stairs, we would say again, “No Amon” and he would lose it all over again.  So as any good parent does, we continued to say it just as soon as he would stop crying because it was so funny and we have never seen him do anything even remotely close to this.

As an adoptive parent I tend to dissect everything even more than normal.  So when Sol goes through some sort of change or phase and we are parent evaluating it, we always have to throw in the adoption aspect…is he feeling a sense of loss or other ideas.  Not to make excuses for him, but to make sure we are parenting him the way he deserves and needs to be parented.  All our kids are different and need to be parented in very different ways.  But with this fit Amon threw my mind didn’t go to grief…it didn’t do the adoption dissecting I normally do.  It seemed too out of place for this incident and honestly, I loved it.

I loved seeing him be a typical baby who was pitching a fit because he didn’t get his way.  He understood what “no” meant and it rocked his little self-centered world.  And I sat there and soaked it up.  His shrill little cry and those big alligator tears and the snot…oh, the snot.  I felt like it was a small victory.  He was being a baby and in his own baby way felt comfortable enough to absolutely flip out because we told him “No”.  This may change.  If he keeps it up, then maybe my mind with go to that “grieving” place, but for today, I feel it was just him being our kid…our boy, pitching a regular old fit because he didn’t get his way.  And today I am, oddly enough, completely thankful for that fit…I am thankful I get to parent this sweet boy…and I get to be right along side him, no matter what he does and no matter what he goes through…adoption related or not.  It’s a blessing and an honor.

And near the end, he did let a little smile slip…a hot mess of a smile, but still a smile.

Happy Tuesday!

The Airport

How do you accurately describe or truly capture the moment when your family is finally united?  We started the process to Amon in August of 2010.  We made our way through paperwork and our homestudy and our dossier and were placed on the wait list in November 2010.  And there we stayed for the next almost 18 months before we saw his sweet face.  This process was crazy difficult.  The wait was long and life was happening all around us.  Life changed dramatically while in the wait with the passing of my Mom.  Life got hard…still is so very hard without her.  I knew our homecoming was going to be so emotional and wonderful and sad all wrapped into one…I knew I wanted someone at that airport specifically to document this moment…the moment when all 6 of us Kelleys were finally together.

I was elated when Cheyenne of Shots by Cheyenne said she would be there!!!  Cheyenne is this crazy talented lady who is beyond sweet as well.  Cheyenne and her partner Laci of Barefoot Photography captured this incredibly priceless moment beyond well…they conquered it…and fiercely.  And for that, I am forever grateful.  Thank you so much Cheyenne and Laci.  You are both completely stellar.  Show them some love as well.  Head over and “like” their pages.  You will truly not be disappointed.  They are so very good at what they do!

And that is exactly how you capture the moment when your family is finally united.

Happy Thursday!

To Ethiopia & Back

Last Friday morning we received embassy clearance for Amon’s case so we immediately started booking flights.  Turns out Ashley and I hit the airways Tuesday, landed in Ethiopia late Wednesday night, had our embassy appointment Thursday, flew out of Ethiopia Friday and landed in Nashville, Tn on Saturday evening.  How’s that for the fastest trip to Ethiopia ever.

Here is our last family “waiting for you” picture on Tuesday before I headed off to the airport.

The US Embassy was so accommodating considering Amon’s health and got us in and out in no time at all.  God was truly working and moving all around us.  Our time in Ethiopia was very short, but so very rich.  I was so glad Ashley was there to experience it all with me.

And being with Amon again was like gold.  Pure, expensive, exquisite gold.  He has this place in my heart that is just so huge.  And he is brave and strong and beautiful.  This kid owns me.

He did great on the flight home…had a few little tense moments, but Ashley and I handled them just fine.  We were definitely a bit stressed, but we made it 🙂

Officially in the US.

And our homecoming, well our homecoming was grand.  Once our plane landed it was if this burden had been lifted.  We still have quite the road to travel, but getting him home was half the battle.  I cannot wait to share our airport pictures.  They are truly incredible.

So we have been soaking sweet Amon in.  Breathing his scent in deep.  Rubbing his head often.  Kissing his cheeks always.  Cuddling him extra close and just relishing in the fact that God planned our family a long, long time ago.  I just could never accurately describe how thankful I am for my beautifully, knit together family.  And I am still in awe, that Amon is sitting right here with me as I type.  God is just too too crazy good and deserves all the praise.

Happy Monday!

 

Home.

We arrived back in the US this evening.  Bags are unpacked and dirty laundry is already in the wash.  Harper, Hudson and Solomon are all asleep in their own beds.  We are back in our house…together…but not complete.

Ethiopia was just as beautiful as we remembered and the people just as amazing as we remembered.  Our son, well he was stunning in every aspect.

As we sat in the Charlotte airport today, gate C16, I thought about how this was our last flight home.  We had been on 7 different airplanes and were about to board our 8th and yet, it didn’t feel like we were really going home.  My home is Josh and Harper and Huddy and Sol and now, our newest itty bitty member.  So home will really be home, when he has finally joined us…when we are all together…our new beginning.

So many things are still up in the air and honestly, I feel like we just rounded third base and headed straight for home plate, but we haven’t scored just yet.  We are so close…we are so close to diving head first into home plate and kicking up some dust…just so so close.

Since we started this journey almost 2 years ago, the one thing we knew for certain was that I would be staying in Ethiopia after court and through embassy.  Up until actually purchasing the tickets this was the decision.  I had done my homework and research and I knew what to expect and what to pack and I was ready…like really, really ready…and then some new things came to surface and advice was given to us and we began to second guess our decision that had so firmly been decided…written in stone.  I had done some major planning in Sharpie and then it seemed to completely unravel and all the work and research and effort and planning began to be erased.  And we decided we needed to take the counsel given from the wise…the people who had ALL the information and so we did.  One of the hardest things I have ever done was to book my ticket home from Ethiopia…even harder than that was actually getting on that plane with Josh and Harper today…maybe yesterday at this point…and actually leaving our boy.  I’ve thought all day about how to actually describe it and really, I don’t know if I could ever accurately depict what I felt today…I’m sure some of you can relate.  And since holding our son in my arms…I can call him our son now…I began to doubt our change in decision.  Isn’t that just like life…you think you have it all figured out…then something throws you for a loop…you reconfigure…and then just like that, you feel like you have to reconfigure it all again…again.  It’s almost too much for the brain.

Three nights ago, I woke in the middle of the night and just prayed.  I prayed more than I’ve prayed in a long time…like out loud…not written on paper, but out loud fervent prayers.  Prayers for our son and prayers for friends and for family, but yes, mostly for our new little guy.  And I told God I was handing this whole mess over to Him…He could have it because there was just no way I could carry it.  I try to do things on my own a lot, but when I held our tiny baby boy, I new instantly that this would be a whole new heartache I had never experienced before.  Leaving him was way too big for me to handle…way too emotional…much, much too heavy.

So today as we flew across the ocean…miles and miles and miles away from our boy…I cried a lot on the plane and in terminals and waiting in security lines.  But I reminded myself I had handed this over to God.  It was His now.

The night before we left Ethiopia Harper wanted me to read to her before we went to sleep.  One of the books she brought with her was this odd little book called The Lord Is My Shepard…Selected Psalms of Encouragement.  I have no clue where she even got the book.  It’s quite lengthy, so I told her to pick one page and we would read the page and then go to sleep.  She chose Psalm 62:

5-6 God, the one and only—
      I’ll wait as long as he says.
   Everything I hope for comes from him,
      so why not?
   He’s solid rock under my feet,
      breathing room for my soul,
   An impregnable castle:
      I’m set for life.

 7-8 My help and glory are in God
      —granite-strength and safe-harbor-God—
   So trust him absolutely, people;
      lay your lives on the line for him.
      God is a safe place to be.

I said I handed it over and I did.  I know this home stretch of waiting…this sprint down the third base line, will be wildly difficult…will take our breath away, but I have given this time…this last bit of wait…over to Him…to the One who is good and strong and is the rock under our feet.  I have nothing left, but to trust that He is going to take us all the way home and unite our small little family, finally, together as one.

So many more things to share and so many pictures to post.  We passed court…we are officially a family of 6…4 wee Kelleys…and God is just too good and I’m already ready to get back on those planes and see our itty bitty boy again.