Oh The Joy!

**Wrote this last night and then my site crashed so it didn’t get published.**

I love each of our kiddos.  I love our foster daughter.  I love all 5 of them something fierce.  They each are so different and carry such different personalities and stories.  They each were created so uniquely by God.  No mistakes in the making, just a reflection of His perfect image.

Today is Amon’s Gotcha Day!  Three years ago today they placed him back in my arms and my friend Ashley and I took the wildest, most stress filled plane ride of our lives…sweet baby Amon, his little heart in need of repair, and one oxygen machine in tow.  It was only a short 9 months after Mom died.  If you know anything about grief you know death changes time turning days into seconds, weeks into minutes and months into mere days.  It’s the darndest thing.  Time eventually goes back to normal, but not for a while.

When Amon came home it was like God throwing our family a life preserver.  He used this sweet boy to help heal our hearts.  Amon didn’t do the healing, but God most definitely used him in all his tiny babyness.  He brought light and joy and hope.  Sweet Harper needed healing and God used Amon to do the trick.  We all we’re about drowning…especially me…trying to tread water just as quick as I could, but those waves taking me under time and time again.  I’ve never experienced such deep sadness and such immense joy like the day I landed in Nashville with Amon strapped to my chest.  We made it, but how different one person missing changes the feelings and skews the view.  No one could ever have prepared me for the wild ride God had been taking us on and the next ride which was about to begin.

Doctors appointments and hospital visits began immediately.  Amon’s heart needed to be fixed.  He had open heart surgery just a little over a month after arriving home and we spent almost the entire next month in the hospital.  Then it was quarantine time for months to make sure he didn’t get sick while still healing.  A line up of meds.  Shots everyday.  The worry and sadness, but then oh the joy.  The joy.  That’s what God does.  He gave us our joy back even when I for one thought it was completely gone.  It was all the wildest thing to me.  It was a testament true and true of God’s promise that no matter where we find ourselves He will not leave us there.  I look back and cannot believe what a different person I am now.  Only Jesus does that.  Only God heals the absolutely brokenhearted…the run down…the one who feels surely there is not an ounce of hope left.  And then joy arrives on the scene and just like that the tide begins to turn.

Today I know God has healed my heart.  Do I miss my Mom…absolutely freakin’ yes, but I can confidently and surely say God has done a great healing in me only He could do.  Today Amon is thriving.  God has also done a great healing in Amon only He could do.

We kicked off his Gotcha Day with donuts and a cardiologist check up.  If you have a CHD kid then you know these appointments carry some weight…bring out the nerves…make you cry over donuts…maybe that one is just me 🙂  He was a champ.  He was amazing and his joyful, wild little self.  Aside from a few small things to watch, he got a good report and we’ll take that any day.  I spent the rest of the day tearing up at pretty much anything.  I literally could not get out the words to tell Josh how Harper prayed for Amon in the car on the way to school that morning…me in 5 Guys getting all kinds of vrklempt trying to hold back a flood with a giant hamburger and a paper napkin.  I told Josh “I’m just going to have to write it down for you.”  I was ridiculous.  And I really wish I could have been inside the mind of the teacher this morning who saw me pulling through the car rider line sobbing like the hot mess which I am.  I’m a lost cause.

Like I told the kids…most of my tears today were joyful tears.  Tears of gratitude.  Tears of thankfulness.  Tears because I’m just humbled to be His.  Healing for our family, myself and Amon didn’t happen over night.  There were very dark, hard days.  There were unknowns.  There was fear and anger and bitterness.  There were a lot of things I had to hand over…feelings I had to surrender to Him…thoughts which had to be taken captive.  There were those moments of utter loneliness…feeling as if God had surely forgotten about us.  And sometimes Satan tries to sneak all those feelings back in…take those foot holds… and we fight back the best we can…and we ask God to be everything we cannot be on our own.  And He is so mighty.  He is so good.  He did not leave us where we were and He fought on our behalf…and not only fought, but won.  He restores, redeems and renews.  He is faithful.  To Him be all the glory.

Happy Gotcha Day sweet, sweet Amon!

Six {But Really Three}

For a while now when Amon was asked how old he is he responds with a quick and confident “Six!”  It makes us all laugh and my Aunt Linda really got a kick out of it.  His birthday was yesterday.  How in the world is this child 3?!?!?!  It blows my mind.

We traveled back home all day yesterday, but my sweet Uncle Tom got up in the morning and went and got 2 dozen donuts so we could sing and celebrate before we hit the road.  It made me want to cry.  My Aunt Linda and Uncle Tom are the kindest.

Amon was so excited he could barely stand it.  When Aunt Linda asked him how old he was he responded with a  quick and confident “Eight!”

 

We actually celebrated Amon a few weekends ago with our family since we knew we would be out of town.  And because we were traveling there was no birthday door, but we’re going to make that one up soon.

Amon has been crazy obsessed with Chuck E Cheese so today we took him to celebrate.  One of his sweet therapists gave us a very generous gift card.  He’s been talking about high-fiving Chuck E Cheese since our nephew Jack’s birthday back at the beginning of December.  It was time to make his dream come true.  He kept his distance in the beginning and may have sprinted across the place screaming a high pitched shrill out of fear when he saw Chuck E Cheese walking his way (I don’t think Josh Kelley and I have ever laughed so hard), but with a little help he finally came around.

This picture may not look like much, but what I love is Harper, Hudson and Solomon’s faces.  Amon has been talking about this epic high-five for months and months.  This is right before he actually did it.  We have all been pumping him up and trying to encourage him to make his little 3-year-old dream come true of high-fiving that dang giant mouse and today he did it.  We all cheered.  We’re kind of all ridiculous over this kid.

His day has been grand.  He keeps telling us all about how he high-fived Chuck E Cheese and he seriously beams with pride.

Oh Amon Kelley, you’re a good one kid.  You are a sweet fiery ball of wild joy.  God has already used your little life for so much and we cannot wait to see what else He has in store for you.  You’re a world changer.  You have the quirkiest personality and the best hair which makes us all crazy about you even more.  You love a giant mascot mouse, your Cat, baseball, bears, horses, painting and sweets.  You’re crazy fun to parent even when you make me want to scream and pull my hair out.  So grateful to God He knew we needed you.  So grateful to God He allowed us to be your Mom and Dad.  You have brought so much healing and joy to our family and we all love you more than should be humanly possible.  Thanks for being our ace of hearts!

Happy 3rd birthday AK!

Day Brightener

After yesterday’s post I wish I could say everything was awesome the rest of the day and everyone got along and there were sunshines and rainbows and lollipops, but alas, that wouldn’t be truthful.  The day got better, but not great.  And that’s okay.  I worked on my bad attitude and rocked on with cheesecake making.

Wednesday night Josh’s mom brought us this cute little hat and jacket Josh and one of his brothers wore when they were little.  I wasn’t home when she dropped it off, but Josh said Amon was the cutest thing he had ever seen in it.  And with that statement I could not wait to try it on him.

After he woke up from his nap yesterday afternoon, while we were all recovering from our pissyness, I decided we could all use a cute laugh.  I am not above bribery, so I offered up an M&M and Amon was game.

I die.  I wish you could have seen the circus behind me. All of us ooohing and ahhing and laughing and so many, “He’s so cuuuute.”  We were ridiculous.  And M&Ms are magic.

Today has already been 10xs better than yesterday.  I am hopeful and it’s a new day…and a Friday at that.

Enjoy your weekend.

Heart Donation = Thank You Key Fob

September 21st we will celebrate 2 years since the amazing doctors and nurses worked together to fix Amon’s heart.  This subject…thinking back on that time…makes me really weepy.  It brings about such emotion and thankfulness.  An insanely deep gratitude to Jesus for all the healing He has done in our family and in Amon’s heart.  Amon’s heart surgery and his almost month long stay in the hospital was such a hard time, but a time where God gets every bit of glory for how He worked and moved and healed and continues to work and move and heal.

Amon still has regular cardiologist appointments to check in on how his heart is doing.  He will need another surgery around the age of 10, so our family is passionate about the research being done about heart disease.  There’s a chance with the direction technology is moving, that when it comes time for Amon’s next surgery, they may not have to open up his chest, but instead go in through his thigh.  This is crazy to me.  And how awesome that would be.  This is why research is so important.  Working towards answers.

It’s that time of year again and our family is gearing up for the American Heart Associations Nashville Heart Walk.  This is a huge fundraiser for the American Heart Association and it’s our honor to participate.  When Amon was diagnosed with tetralogy of fallot in Ethiopia our family was immediately tied to the fight against heart disease…to work together, to help raise awareness and funds.  We will be walking this year again in honor of Amon.

We’ve done a lot of things together through this internet friendship.  You’ve raised money for tables and chairs for kiddos in Swaziland, you’ve paid for a years worth of school funds for the kids at the Ngungwane carepoint and last year you guys raised over $6,000 for the American Heart Association in honor of Amon.  You guys are crazy awesome.

And again I come asking for your help.  People have their passions…what pulls their heart strings…and this may not be one of them and that is totally cool, but if it is, would you be willing to make a donation in honor of Amon?  You can CLICK HERE and use the ‘give now’ button on the right side.  Easy, easy and tax deductible.  Our family’s goal this year is $5,000.  That’s lofty I know.  We can’t do it alone and need your help.  And if you can’t donate, you can always just share Amon’s page…share his story.  Share about God’s goodness and mercy on his little life.

Also if you make a donation of $15 or more, I will send you a free key fob as a small ‘thank you’.  This year I have an app for AMON’S PAGE so I can see who makes a donation, but I still cannot access your personal information.  If you would like your ‘thank you’ key fob, after you make your donation be sure to send me an email at pitterpatterart at gmail dot com with your name and mailing address.  I will gladly make key fobs until my fingers fall off for this cause.

We would be so honored to reach our goal with your help.  We have about one month to do so.  Thank you so much in advance!

Happy Wednesday!

Home [2 Years]

Our journey and story about how God has stitched our family together…created our tribe…is one I love.  I love the details of Harper, Hudson, Solomon and Amon’s arrivals.  Each different and unique from the others.  Each containing God’s love and grace and mercy.  Each story continuing to grow our family and show us there was definitely more love in our hearts…one small human at a time.

Yesterday was Amon’s Gotcha Day and Amon’s story is crazy special.  I hope one day I can share all the details with his permission because it’s a good one.  When we were in the process of bringing Amon home my mom unexpectedly was diagnosed with an aggressive brain cancer and died just 10 days later.  Our world was flipped, turned and rocked…never resembling what it once was again.  And then we got matched with Amon…the wait was over and we started the final decent to bringing his sweet little baby self home…heart in need of repair and all.

I remember finally having him back in my arms once again that crazy special August 10 just two years ago.  My dear friend Ashley by my side and I hugged him the tightest and breathed his sweet smell in deep.  We were in Ethiopia less than 48 hours because of his special heart…back on planes and US bound quickly…the most stressful plane ride of my life…and I would say Ashley’s as well.  So many things to watch for while in flight…so many rules the doctor had given me to remember.  When I walked off the plane into the Nashville airport with backpack and oxygen machine in my hands and Amon strapped to my chest it was one of the most bittersweet days I’ve experienced.  Amon was home.  We made it.  He made it, but Mom was missing.  She was the first to hold each of our children after their unique arrivals and I’ll never forget the moment she snatched Solomon out of my hands at his airport arrival and just wept over his special life.

Yesterday I listened as Josh talked to Amon about our journey to him.  Our hearts were all a bit broken…some more than others, mine and Harper’s probably the most.  Amon had open heart surgery just a month after landing in Tennessee.  God has brought about so much healing in our entire family with Amon.  He used the wisdom and expertise of our local doctors to fix Amon’s heart and He used Amon to fix ours.  He sent healing and joy and hope through this incredible baby boy.  He sent laughter and smiles which sadly had been missing.  The way He used Amon to help Harper heal is something which still makes me weepy.  She was so sad and God sent her joy.

Amon’s Gotcha Day is a huge reminder to our family of hope.  That God is hope and He does not leave us hopeless.  He is enough and He is love.  And He comes through.  So we celebrated with donuts and cookies and with time just together.  It was a day to remember God’s goodness and mercy on our family.

 

 

Amon Kelley you are one special kid.  You are wild and energetic and crazy and fun.  You are sweet and good and joy!  God has already used your life to change the world and He will continue to do just that over and over again.  You are a world changer.  Thankful you are apart of our family.  Honored to be your mom and dad.  And grateful to God we get to celebrate your life again.  We love you tons!

MJ + The Village People + Build-a-Bear = Magic

You guys, I just have to tell you I have gone flippin’ crazy on our house today.  We were going to go swimming and then I called a cease swim because I got this smothering feeling and then myself along with the wee Kelleys have been going through each of their rooms and cleaning out…purging like no others.  I have felt it brewing…this happens quite often to me…and when it reaches the tipping point it just has to be done.  We’re getting rid of stuff left and right.  All that to say, now my house is an even bigger disaster…it has to get worse before it gets better…this isn’t my first great purge…I know how it works.  So with that, I will leave you for the weekend with these golden pictures of Amon.  Some are blurry, yes, but seriously, they are amazing.  Doesn’t everyone let their older children dress their youngest toddler child in Build-a-Bear Clothes?!?!?!  So what if I assisted in pushing his tiny squishy body threw those even tinier fireman bear pants.  It was the most hysterical thing ever.  He was channeling his inner Michael Jackson/Village People/Mr. June 2014 of a fireman calendar.  My favorite part might have been when he stopped to pick his nose.  It’s just too much.

And if you want to see him getting his groove on there just may be the cutest little video over on my Instagram.  You can find me at pitterpatterart.

Enjoy your weekend.

Happy Friday!

Stuck

At baseball practice the other day Amon got stuck in the base of his stroller.  And as he squirmed and got himself even more stuck, I had a good hard chuckle…and didn’t help…and took pictures…because that’s what all good moms do.

Happy Wednesday!

The Big 2

Yesterday was Amon’s 2nd birthday.  There were donuts and cupcakes and balloons…lots and lots of balloons.  Amon digs a good balloon and holy cow…you should have heard him lose his mind at Kroger on Valentines day in the floral/produce department.  The sea of balloons blew his mind.  He legit loves balloons.

Harper helped me make strawberry cupcakes with cream cheese frosting.  And I gotta say…they did not disappoint.  I let Harper pick the cupcake liners from my rather large collection and she picked 12 different liners.  Super fun and then we doused them in sprinkles.

Birthday door action.  We kind of rocked some balloons this year.

Donuts for breakfast.  And singing of “happy birthday” 5 different times.

The rest of the day was filled with cupcake eating, a Joanns trip, new flip flops and there was even a birthday bath that ended with him projectile vomiting into the bath water.  I even got a picture…of him…mid projectile puke…it’s the funniest/grossest thing you’ve ever seen…I’m having stationary sets made…but I couldn’t bring myself to post it…I did share it with some friends via text though.

Oh Amon.  If I could only begin to say what all you mean to our family and how God has used you to renew our joy and hope.  How He has used you to heal our hearts.  You are one incredible kid to say the least.  You are crazy and insane and wild and busy and fun and sweet and incredibly joyful.  You make us laugh every single day.  And I can’t imagine our family and life without you.  We thank God every single day for your birth mom & dad and what an honor and blessing and privilege it is to be your parents.

Happiest of birthdays to our ace of hearts!  We kind of totally adore and love you.