Before His Birthday Thoughts

I love birthdays.  I love a reason to celebrate the special people in my life and our family.  I love carefully selecting just the right gift, hanging decorations and preparing yummy treats.  I love an entire day devoted to that special person.  Solomon is always the most detailed of our bunch.  In fact, he’s the most detailed kid I know.  He notices everything and remembers where everything is located.  When I’ve lost something, he’s my go-to guy.  I think this is why he loves legos and puzzles so much.  He works big Lego kits entirely alone and nails them.  Give him a 200 piece puzzle and he’s as happy as a clown.  He is just so very detailed oriented.  He loves books and magazines and sits crossed legged like a little old man studying each page so very carefully.

When it came time to chat about planning his birthday day, he had all the details in his little head.  Chocolate donuts with sprinkles and some without.  Chocolate milk to drink.  Chuck E Cheese to play games and cheese pizza for lunch.  Brownies, but cupcake shaped, with chocolate chip cookie dough frosting topped with ninjas.  I let him pick out fun plates and napkins and wrapping paper…he chose Star Wars plates, Ninja Turtle napkins and Cars wrapping paper…who knew.  I didn’t even know he liked Cars.

Today we’re preparing to celebrate his little life tomorrow.  We did some Krogering before 8am this morning for birthday supplies…we were all looking awesome.

I can’t believe he’s 5.  I miss his baby days just a little, like I miss all their baby days just a little, but I wouldn’t go back for all the money in the world.  I love who Solomon is becoming.  I love who all my kids are becoming and I’m so excited to watch them change and grow and I want to enjoy these days.  They were precious baby people and Sol was the happiest baby, but I adore the big kids they are changing in to.  I like seeing glimpses of who they are becoming.  It’s an honor.

His birthday is always a little hard on my heart, as there are always questions and we don’t have all the answers for him.  I received the sweetest text this morning that was a prayer for Sol and his birthday.  It made me weepy.  The things my incredible friend thought to pray over him was just amazingly good for this momma’s heart.  Adoption can be the most joyful thing and then turn right around and be the hardest thing…joy and grief intertwined together.  Gain and loss.  Whys and why nots.  Hows and how comes.  It’s just hard sometimes.  As Sol’s mom I want to take away every bit of pain and grief and loss and protect him and hide him away from the world, but that’s not what God called me to do as his mom.  God has called Josh and I to smother his heart in prayer and love and be there when the loss and grief sets in.  To listen to him.  To whether the storm with him.  Begging God to be all the answers to all of Solomon’s questions and future questions.  Begging God to be his comfort and healing.  Begging God to be his Father and to hold him the tightest and love him the hardest in those moments of grief which are sure to come.

We want more than anything to be the parents God has called us to be.  Ultimately we make lots of mistakes…lots…but God will always be perfect and righteous and just what both Josh and I need and what Solomon needs.  I pray so hard Sol will realize early on how God designed him so perfectly perfect in His image and how He loves him more than anyone else in the entire world.  How God makes no mistakes and how every thing has filtered through His hands in this world.  How after God’s love, our love is the biggest for him.  And how he has made our family even more amazing…how we’re honored and humbled to be apart of his life, how no matter what we will always love and cherish him as our son and how incredibly, incredibly thankful we are for his birth mom.

 I have questioned a million times over how on earth God thought Josh and I were even remotely good enough to be his parents.  Why us?  And every time, I just end up abandoning the question with genuinely deep gratitude towards God for taking a chance on us, for stitching our family together so uniquely perfect and for trusting us, even when He knows we’re going to screw up.  Today as we prepare to celebrate Solomon’s amazing life, I’m deeply thankful to be his Momma and to watch as his beautiful life unfolds.

Happy Friday!