We arrived back in the US this evening. Bags are unpacked and dirty laundry is already in the wash. Harper, Hudson and Solomon are all asleep in their own beds. We are back in our house…together…but not complete.
Ethiopia was just as beautiful as we remembered and the people just as amazing as we remembered. Our son, well he was stunning in every aspect.
As we sat in the Charlotte airport today, gate C16, I thought about how this was our last flight home. We had been on 7 different airplanes and were about to board our 8th and yet, it didn’t feel like we were really going home. My home is Josh and Harper and Huddy and Sol and now, our newest itty bitty member. So home will really be home, when he has finally joined us…when we are all together…our new beginning.
So many things are still up in the air and honestly, I feel like we just rounded third base and headed straight for home plate, but we haven’t scored just yet. We are so close…we are so close to diving head first into home plate and kicking up some dust…just so so close.
Since we started this journey almost 2 years ago, the one thing we knew for certain was that I would be staying in Ethiopia after court and through embassy. Up until actually purchasing the tickets this was the decision. I had done my homework and research and I knew what to expect and what to pack and I was ready…like really, really ready…and then some new things came to surface and advice was given to us and we began to second guess our decision that had so firmly been decided…written in stone. I had done some major planning in Sharpie and then it seemed to completely unravel and all the work and research and effort and planning began to be erased. And we decided we needed to take the counsel given from the wise…the people who had ALL the information and so we did. One of the hardest things I have ever done was to book my ticket home from Ethiopia…even harder than that was actually getting on that plane with Josh and Harper today…maybe yesterday at this point…and actually leaving our boy. I’ve thought all day about how to actually describe it and really, I don’t know if I could ever accurately depict what I felt today…I’m sure some of you can relate. And since holding our son in my arms…I can call him our son now…I began to doubt our change in decision. Isn’t that just like life…you think you have it all figured out…then something throws you for a loop…you reconfigure…and then just like that, you feel like you have to reconfigure it all again…again. It’s almost too much for the brain.
Three nights ago, I woke in the middle of the night and just prayed. I prayed more than I’ve prayed in a long time…like out loud…not written on paper, but out loud fervent prayers. Prayers for our son and prayers for friends and for family, but yes, mostly for our new little guy. And I told God I was handing this whole mess over to Him…He could have it because there was just no way I could carry it. I try to do things on my own a lot, but when I held our tiny baby boy, I new instantly that this would be a whole new heartache I had never experienced before. Leaving him was way too big for me to handle…way too emotional…much, much too heavy.
So today as we flew across the ocean…miles and miles and miles away from our boy…I cried a lot on the plane and in terminals and waiting in security lines. But I reminded myself I had handed this over to God. It was His now.
The night before we left Ethiopia Harper wanted me to read to her before we went to sleep. One of the books she brought with her was this odd little book called The Lord Is My Shepard…Selected Psalms of Encouragement. I have no clue where she even got the book. It’s quite lengthy, so I told her to pick one page and we would read the page and then go to sleep. She chose Psalm 62:
5-6 God, the one and only—
I’ll wait as long as he says.
Everything I hope for comes from him,
so why not?
He’s solid rock under my feet,
breathing room for my soul,
An impregnable castle:
I’m set for life.
7-8 My help and glory are in God
—granite-strength and safe-harbor-God—
So trust him absolutely, people;
lay your lives on the line for him.
God is a safe place to be.
I said I handed it over and I did. I know this home stretch of waiting…this sprint down the third base line, will be wildly difficult…will take our breath away, but I have given this time…this last bit of wait…over to Him…to the One who is good and strong and is the rock under our feet. I have nothing left, but to trust that He is going to take us all the way home and unite our small little family, finally, together as one.
So many more things to share and so many pictures to post. We passed court…we are officially a family of 6…4 wee Kelleys…and God is just too good and I’m already ready to get back on those planes and see our itty bitty boy again.
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Praying for you. Can’t imagine. And can’t wait to see your homerun. 😉
Praying–just praying!! Love ya girl!
You and your family will be in my prayer until itty bitty is home. God is in control and His timing is perfect! 🙂
Praise God! Itty bitty has a mom and dad! And one who stays awake at night to fervently pray for him.
People are doing that for you tonight. All of you.
My sweet, sweet Laura, Romans 8:28
And we know that all
things work together for good to
them that love God, to them who
are the called according to his
purpose….
You can rest assured, your loving, Heavenly Father, has everything under control!!! Love you……
Praise the Lord ~ Oh Laura as I read this post I started crying then harder and harder till I can hardly see past the tears to type this. You are such an encourager you have no idea. As a Mother I can relate to your heart strings ~ there is no love compared to a Mother’s ~ It wasn’t until after I had my children that I could phathom God’s love for us. You have done exactly what God wanted all the time and that is to give it over to Him. We carry way too much ~ if we would just learn to let Him carry things for us. That is when I remind God I am human and He still needs to work on me:) I am so happy and excited for you and will continue to keep you in my prayers as this amazing journey unfolds for you and your family. Blessings
Praise God for all He’s done so far, and all He will do in the coming weeks! All of the folks praying for you and your family are like the crowds cheering you on as you head for home plate 🙂 thank you for your encouragement and perspective as we are very early in our own adoption journey. He is breathing room for my soul!
Been so anxious to hear all was well. Glad to see your post. MORE glad when all is complete.
I am so sorry that you had to leave him behind – cannot imagine the difficulty of that. Praying for an easy and quick process.
I adore that scripture, and it’s just what I needed this morning.
So happy y’all passed court with no problems! Congrats on being a family of 6! Praying for a speedy embassy submission and for your sweet momma’s heart!
Praying that God gives you peace, comfort, and patience during this time of waiting. “Cast all your anxiety onto Him, because He cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7 🙂
Laura, if the next few weeks pass as fast as this first half year, it will be here before you turn around. So happy you’re this far along on the journey. Do you know exactly when you will be picking him up? Can’t wait to see pictures. We love you all.
I am so happy for you and your family that you finally got to meet your little boy. I will be praying for God to be with all of you and hope that you will all be reunited soon.
I honestly can’t imagine the heartache you’re feeling, but one day VERY SOON the depth of your sadness will be replaced and overcome by joy! That little boy will be tucked into your home with his loving siblings and parents around him and this waiting for you chapter will be over. Bless you for handing over your trials and I hope you are all at the pool today soaking up the love from your wee Kelleys (plus, the pool will cover all your tears! 😉 ). Wishing you lots of love on this part of your journey!
I am so so sorry for your heart right now. Twice I had to leave my boy in Africa, twice I had to hold him and promise that he would come home even though I didn’t know when, and I truly thought both times that my entire body was going to disintegrate. I was certain no one could survive that level of pain, that there was no way on earth I could possibly cope with the depth of the ache of walking away from my little boy.
It is the most soul crushing pain imaginable and I am so so sorry you are having to endure it.
Praying for you.
I was nearly in tears as I was reading this post and when I got to the part about Harper wanting to be read to, I couldn’t hold them back any longer. How good is GOD that he directed Harper to take this book KNOWING that it was going to have the words to encourage you just when you needed them? If turning to the page with that specific scripture on it wasn’t a “GOD THING” then I have never heard one before! 🙂 I am so happy that your family is about to be together and that GOD is in control. Will continue to keep you all in thought and prayer until the youngest wee Kelley is home where he belongs! ((HUGS)) to you from Kentucky!