We arrived back in the US this evening. Bags are unpacked and dirty laundry is already in the wash. Harper, Hudson and Solomon are all asleep in their own beds. We are back in our house…together…but not complete.
Ethiopia was just as beautiful as we remembered and the people just as amazing as we remembered. Our son, well he was stunning in every aspect.
As we sat in the Charlotte airport today, gate C16, I thought about how this was our last flight home. We had been on 7 different airplanes and were about to board our 8th and yet, it didn’t feel like we were really going home. My home is Josh and Harper and Huddy and Sol and now, our newest itty bitty member. So home will really be home, when he has finally joined us…when we are all together…our new beginning.
So many things are still up in the air and honestly, I feel like we just rounded third base and headed straight for home plate, but we haven’t scored just yet. We are so close…we are so close to diving head first into home plate and kicking up some dust…just so so close.
Since we started this journey almost 2 years ago, the one thing we knew for certain was that I would be staying in Ethiopia after court and through embassy. Up until actually purchasing the tickets this was the decision. I had done my homework and research and I knew what to expect and what to pack and I was ready…like really, really ready…and then some new things came to surface and advice was given to us and we began to second guess our decision that had so firmly been decided…written in stone. I had done some major planning in Sharpie and then it seemed to completely unravel and all the work and research and effort and planning began to be erased. And we decided we needed to take the counsel given from the wise…the people who had ALL the information and so we did. One of the hardest things I have ever done was to book my ticket home from Ethiopia…even harder than that was actually getting on that plane with Josh and Harper today…maybe yesterday at this point…and actually leaving our boy. I’ve thought all day about how to actually describe it and really, I don’t know if I could ever accurately depict what I felt today…I’m sure some of you can relate. And since holding our son in my arms…I can call him our son now…I began to doubt our change in decision. Isn’t that just like life…you think you have it all figured out…then something throws you for a loop…you reconfigure…and then just like that, you feel like you have to reconfigure it all again…again. It’s almost too much for the brain.
Three nights ago, I woke in the middle of the night and just prayed. I prayed more than I’ve prayed in a long time…like out loud…not written on paper, but out loud fervent prayers. Prayers for our son and prayers for friends and for family, but yes, mostly for our new little guy. And I told God I was handing this whole mess over to Him…He could have it because there was just no way I could carry it. I try to do things on my own a lot, but when I held our tiny baby boy, I new instantly that this would be a whole new heartache I had never experienced before. Leaving him was way too big for me to handle…way too emotional…much, much too heavy.
So today as we flew across the ocean…miles and miles and miles away from our boy…I cried a lot on the plane and in terminals and waiting in security lines. But I reminded myself I had handed this over to God. It was His now.
The night before we left Ethiopia Harper wanted me to read to her before we went to sleep. One of the books she brought with her was this odd little book called The Lord Is My Shepard…Selected Psalms of Encouragement. I have no clue where she even got the book. It’s quite lengthy, so I told her to pick one page and we would read the page and then go to sleep. She chose Psalm 62:
5-6 God, the one and only—
I’ll wait as long as he says.
Everything I hope for comes from him,
so why not?
He’s solid rock under my feet,
breathing room for my soul,
An impregnable castle:
I’m set for life.
7-8 My help and glory are in God
—granite-strength and safe-harbor-God—
So trust him absolutely, people;
lay your lives on the line for him.
God is a safe place to be.
I said I handed it over and I did. I know this home stretch of waiting…this sprint down the third base line, will be wildly difficult…will take our breath away, but I have given this time…this last bit of wait…over to Him…to the One who is good and strong and is the rock under our feet. I have nothing left, but to trust that He is going to take us all the way home and unite our small little family, finally, together as one.
So many more things to share and so many pictures to post. We passed court…we are officially a family of 6…4 wee Kelleys…and God is just too good and I’m already ready to get back on those planes and see our itty bitty boy again.