Day Before Heart Surgery Thoughts

**Tomorrow is Amon’s big day.  We head out bright and early…well technically it will still be pitch dark.  His surgery starts at 8am.  Will you please pray for our sweet, sweet boy?  Thank you!

**I’m positive God allowed me to read in 2 Corinthians just a few days ago because He absolutely knew my heart needed it.

**I tend to not be very emotional, but ever since Mom died, well it’s been a lost cause keeping my emotions under wraps.  Needless to say I’ve cried multiple times today already.  It’s 10am.

**I need to pull out our “Waiting for you” sign for waiting room pictures tomorrow.  We are pretty darn good at this waiting thing now.  I think it’s called refinement.

**My nerves are officially off the charts too…verging on the puke phase.  Puking in the waiting room is really not cool.

**I wonder how many craft projects I can complete in 8-10 hours with no children sitting in a waiting room.

**I wonder how many calories I can emotionally eat in 8-10 hours too.

**You can’t eat in the waiting room at the hospital…they have a separate area to eat in.  That bummed me out for some reason.  I love the memories of our family and friends waiting while Mom was having brain surgery eating an entire cookie basket some sweet friends sent us.

**Maybe I’ll be so nervous I won’t be able to eat.  Who am I kidding?!?  Wishful thinking.  Snickerdoodles are already packed.

**Someone on the surgical team will call and update us every hour.  I wonder who that person will be.  I hope whoever they are, they are kind and compassionate and empathetic with a semi stressed mama.  I should make them cookies too.

**I’m thankful God is in the business of restoration.

**I’m praying Amon comes out of surgery with the same little incredible personality he goes in with, but with a killer new heart.

**I would never be a surgeon or doctor or anyone involved with a person’s health.  I would be terrible at it.  I would cry all the time.  My nerves could never handle it.  I applaud all you medical professionals.

**Super glad God knows how our hearts feels.

**What time does Chick-fi-A open?

**I really hope we’re out of the hospital by Huddy’s birthday.  If not, I hope the hospital will not object to a birthday celebration in Amon’s room…streamers and all.  There is sure to be Green Lantern cookies or cupcakes too.

**Harper told me she only wants to see Amon once he’s awake and not hooked up to any machines.  She seems nervous about all of this.  Makes me sad to think she’s sad or worried about Amon.

**I wonder if Amon will feel different when he’s done with surgery.  Right now when I put my ear to his chest I can hear that his heart sounds different than regular, healthy hearts.  I wonder if it will still sound different when he’s all fixed up.

**I hope the wee Kelleys have fun while we are all tied up at the hospital.

**I think Sara in Australia is this crazy insanely wonderful lady whom I’ve never even met.  She had a friend here in TN make us meals.  Seriously Sara…you’re crazy kind.  Thank you!

**I’m glad Vandy has wireless internet.  They are Vandy though.  They should.

**This is surely a 30th birthday Josh is never to forget.  I thought for a second that I wished it would be different for him, but then I remembered this is exactly how God knew his 30th birthday would play out.  One he will never forget.

**I hope we all get some sleep tonight.

**I think Amon is going to recover in record time and that he will not need any more surgeries.  I still pray big, bold prayers.

**My house is so dirty right now.  I cleaned our toilets yesterday…they were funk nasty.  TMI?  Today I may clean something else.  Or make more cookies.

**I’m praying Josh has a really fantastic day today and that it’s way overly productive for him at work.  Have I ever told you what he does?  He’s an environmental scientist.  Yep.  He’s super smart.  My brain doesn’t get it.

**Is it too early to eat pie?

**We have some really big faith in tomorrow and all that it will hold.  Amon’s life will change tomorrow.  It’s going to be a great day.  God is too good.

Happy Wednesday!

To Ethiopia & Back

Last Friday morning we received embassy clearance for Amon’s case so we immediately started booking flights.  Turns out Ashley and I hit the airways Tuesday, landed in Ethiopia late Wednesday night, had our embassy appointment Thursday, flew out of Ethiopia Friday and landed in Nashville, Tn on Saturday evening.  How’s that for the fastest trip to Ethiopia ever.

Here is our last family “waiting for you” picture on Tuesday before I headed off to the airport.

The US Embassy was so accommodating considering Amon’s health and got us in and out in no time at all.  God was truly working and moving all around us.  Our time in Ethiopia was very short, but so very rich.  I was so glad Ashley was there to experience it all with me.

And being with Amon again was like gold.  Pure, expensive, exquisite gold.  He has this place in my heart that is just so huge.  And he is brave and strong and beautiful.  This kid owns me.

He did great on the flight home…had a few little tense moments, but Ashley and I handled them just fine.  We were definitely a bit stressed, but we made it 🙂

Officially in the US.

And our homecoming, well our homecoming was grand.  Once our plane landed it was if this burden had been lifted.  We still have quite the road to travel, but getting him home was half the battle.  I cannot wait to share our airport pictures.  They are truly incredible.

So we have been soaking sweet Amon in.  Breathing his scent in deep.  Rubbing his head often.  Kissing his cheeks always.  Cuddling him extra close and just relishing in the fact that God planned our family a long, long time ago.  I just could never accurately describe how thankful I am for my beautifully, knit together family.  And I am still in awe, that Amon is sitting right here with me as I type.  God is just too too crazy good and deserves all the praise.

Happy Monday!

 

Home.

We arrived back in the US this evening.  Bags are unpacked and dirty laundry is already in the wash.  Harper, Hudson and Solomon are all asleep in their own beds.  We are back in our house…together…but not complete.

Ethiopia was just as beautiful as we remembered and the people just as amazing as we remembered.  Our son, well he was stunning in every aspect.

As we sat in the Charlotte airport today, gate C16, I thought about how this was our last flight home.  We had been on 7 different airplanes and were about to board our 8th and yet, it didn’t feel like we were really going home.  My home is Josh and Harper and Huddy and Sol and now, our newest itty bitty member.  So home will really be home, when he has finally joined us…when we are all together…our new beginning.

So many things are still up in the air and honestly, I feel like we just rounded third base and headed straight for home plate, but we haven’t scored just yet.  We are so close…we are so close to diving head first into home plate and kicking up some dust…just so so close.

Since we started this journey almost 2 years ago, the one thing we knew for certain was that I would be staying in Ethiopia after court and through embassy.  Up until actually purchasing the tickets this was the decision.  I had done my homework and research and I knew what to expect and what to pack and I was ready…like really, really ready…and then some new things came to surface and advice was given to us and we began to second guess our decision that had so firmly been decided…written in stone.  I had done some major planning in Sharpie and then it seemed to completely unravel and all the work and research and effort and planning began to be erased.  And we decided we needed to take the counsel given from the wise…the people who had ALL the information and so we did.  One of the hardest things I have ever done was to book my ticket home from Ethiopia…even harder than that was actually getting on that plane with Josh and Harper today…maybe yesterday at this point…and actually leaving our boy.  I’ve thought all day about how to actually describe it and really, I don’t know if I could ever accurately depict what I felt today…I’m sure some of you can relate.  And since holding our son in my arms…I can call him our son now…I began to doubt our change in decision.  Isn’t that just like life…you think you have it all figured out…then something throws you for a loop…you reconfigure…and then just like that, you feel like you have to reconfigure it all again…again.  It’s almost too much for the brain.

Three nights ago, I woke in the middle of the night and just prayed.  I prayed more than I’ve prayed in a long time…like out loud…not written on paper, but out loud fervent prayers.  Prayers for our son and prayers for friends and for family, but yes, mostly for our new little guy.  And I told God I was handing this whole mess over to Him…He could have it because there was just no way I could carry it.  I try to do things on my own a lot, but when I held our tiny baby boy, I new instantly that this would be a whole new heartache I had never experienced before.  Leaving him was way too big for me to handle…way too emotional…much, much too heavy.

So today as we flew across the ocean…miles and miles and miles away from our boy…I cried a lot on the plane and in terminals and waiting in security lines.  But I reminded myself I had handed this over to God.  It was His now.

The night before we left Ethiopia Harper wanted me to read to her before we went to sleep.  One of the books she brought with her was this odd little book called The Lord Is My Shepard…Selected Psalms of Encouragement.  I have no clue where she even got the book.  It’s quite lengthy, so I told her to pick one page and we would read the page and then go to sleep.  She chose Psalm 62:

5-6 God, the one and only—
      I’ll wait as long as he says.
   Everything I hope for comes from him,
      so why not?
   He’s solid rock under my feet,
      breathing room for my soul,
   An impregnable castle:
      I’m set for life.

 7-8 My help and glory are in God
      —granite-strength and safe-harbor-God—
   So trust him absolutely, people;
      lay your lives on the line for him.
      God is a safe place to be.

I said I handed it over and I did.  I know this home stretch of waiting…this sprint down the third base line, will be wildly difficult…will take our breath away, but I have given this time…this last bit of wait…over to Him…to the One who is good and strong and is the rock under our feet.  I have nothing left, but to trust that He is going to take us all the way home and unite our small little family, finally, together as one.

So many more things to share and so many pictures to post.  We passed court…we are officially a family of 6…4 wee Kelleys…and God is just too good and I’m already ready to get back on those planes and see our itty bitty boy again.

Waiting On Court

Well here we are…one month in on our new waiting game for our court date.  I feel like God is really working on my patience…goodness knows, I need it!  Today everyone slept late.  Harper slept until 9am.  I told her I was really going to love her as a teenager…the girl likes her sleep.  So we got a late start on our morning pool time and all the while I just couldn’t get itty bitty boy off my mind.

We were driving over to Josh’s parents pool and Blessed Be Your Name by the Newsboys came on the radio.  Flashback city hit.  Almost 3 years ago to the day we were in the exact same position…in June we were waiting to hear about Solomon’s court date and I was driving Harper and Huddy over to swim at Josh’s parents house and this same song came on the radio.  I remember just sobbing over the song and I told Harper and Huddy…a wee 2-year-old and barely 9-month-old, how we needed to always praise God…good or bad…no matter what.  As we rode in the car I told the wee Kelleys the story all over again.  It was very surreal and gave my heart a bit of hope.  God cares about those small moments of hope.  I dig that.

(I still haven’t changed the clock in the van…hence it really being 9:51…and I may need to clean the van too.)

Then we got our swim on.  I’ve decided swimming is pure joy to the wee Kelleys.  They just swim their little hearts out.  They always do a little people watching too.  I’m afraid I am raising nosey kids 🙂

Harper is now a full fledged swimmer.  She jumps in the deep end and swims all the way back to the shallow in.  All she needed was a bit of confidence and to see my friend’s 3-year-old on Facebook swimming 🙂  She was super proud of herself.  And Sol isn’t far behind.

And Huddy…well, he’s just Huddy.  He’s brave and courageous and cautious all wrapped into one.  He’s just a bit more concerned with pulling himself up on the side…I love his upper body strength…and staying warm.

He talked Sol into chilling with him for a bit.  Sol is a good sport when it comes to showing his brother some love.

Sol may just in fact be a swimmer when he gets older.  Can you see it?  I can.  Be still my ever loving heart…this kid kills me.

Then they all did a bit of sun bathing before we headed home for some lunch.  I know just about every mother feels this way, but they just make my day.  I cannot for the life of me understand why God allowed me to be their Mom.  I am so honored.  Some days I feel like I am dropping the parenting ball all over the place…making huge mistakes…and then I just take a good long look at the 3 of them and I think to myself, “We’re going to make it.  We’re going to be okay.”  And I believe we are.

After lunch, to keep my mind busy and off hoping and praying the phone rings soon with our court news, we made up some Bunny’s Cake to share.  This may in fact be the best chocolate cake ever.  It’s my Aunt Peggy’s recipe, which she got from a sweet lady named Bunny years and years ago.  It is now known as Bunny’s Cake in our Hall family cookbook.

Go ahead and make some up today and thank me later.  Oh and it totally needs to be shared…it’s just too good not to share.

Happy Tuesday!

You Got To Hold On

Harper is my chore doer.  She loves to do chores.  And I love to watch her dust bust…flying hair and all.

The boys fit just perfectly under the counter at the post office.  Just perfect.

Target dollar bin, how I love thee.  Act surprised if you get a card from me in the mail.

I’ve been itching to make my first itty bitty boy purchase.  Harper has been too.  I put my personal wishes aside and let her make the first choice today.  I love that she knows I dig the anchors and even more, I love that she knows they remind me of Grammy.

We had lunch at the park today with Brea and a few of her wee ones.  A fry dropped out of the bag when I was getting everyone’s lunches out.  A rad little squirrel enjoyed it…then proceeded to hang out and find his way into our personal space.  Brea enjoyed it…it freaked me out a bit.  I like my personal space…squirrel free.

2 hours of park play = very, very dirty wee Kelley feet.

If you haven’t heard of Alabama Shakes yet, you should be soon.  They are all over the place…super popular.  I’m not completely crazy about them yet, but I do dig their “Hold On” song.  My heart may explode soon with anxiety and anticipation and just pure craziness.  So many things on the line…so many things just hanging in the wait.  Me…just holding on.

I’ve prayed for a solid 6 months that God would give me a dream about Mom…just one…that was all I was asking for.  Last night…I got it.  I went to the post office and she was standing beside the trash can with her royal blue dress on with her hot pink blouse over it.  She had on her infamous high heels and jazzy, big earrings.  I gave her a hug and said, “I miss you.”  She said, “I know.”  And that was it.  Not super long or enlightening, like I had hoped, but just enough.  I’m praying for another one, like asap.  “You got to hold on…” and that is exactly what I am doing.

Come on healed heart & itty bitty boy.  I’m holding on like mad…for you both!

Happy Wednesday.

New Day

Everyday is a new day.  His mercies are new each morning.

Thank you so much for all the sweet and encouraging comments and emails…seriously, THANK YOU!

I am working on getting a few new canvases posted under “Currently Available”.  Hopefully will have some posted soon.  Thank you again for your crazy, wonderful encouragement.