I love sweets.  I like sugar and chocolate and candy and cake and ice cream and etc, etc, etc.  There has rarely been a sweet treat I’ve met in my life and not liked.  I’m also an emotional eater.  I come by it honestly.  I’m from a long line of amazing emotional eaters…it’s a gift really   There are a lot of Hall woman out there right now shaking their heads in agreeance.

I would eat sweets multiple times through out a day.  It wasn’t just a treat anymore, it had become an antidote.  Something that I had put stock in and hope in.  Something that made my pain feel better and that WAS NOT cool with God.  I joked while Amon was in the hospital how I had gained the hospital 15.  All jokes aside, in our nearly month hospital stay I gained almost 10lbs.

I like food in general.  I like your normal food and organic.  Healthy and non-healthy.  Restaurant food and fast food.  I do not discriminate.  Sweet, salty, and spicy.  Tell me you want to get together and I’ll be the first to say, “Let’s grab breakfast/lunch/dinner.”

My friend Jess is probably one of the healthiest people I know and she doesn’t even work out.  Her two famous quotes…”I think God gave us food and drink to enjoy.” and “Everything in moderation.”  She buys mainly organic, but the girl will have a coke…regular, straight up coke and will also eat food that clearly is not organic…cough, cough Krystals.  I love it.  And God used her words to reach some problem areas in my heart.

I’ve always been my biggest critic.  I think a lot of woman out there can relate to absolutely critiquing your body until there’s nothing left to critique.  I come by this honestly too.  My mom was her worst critic about her body.  She struggled with her weight and as a child I made up a song called the “You’re Not Fat Song” to sing to her to make her feel better.  Everyone thought it was cute and funny, but as I grew I saw the problem in this.  In her defense, she had been in a toxic relationship that had emotionally beat her up and torn her down.  She had not been loved how she needed to be loved.  She had not been cherished and treated like the lovely queen God saw in her.  So I got it.  Her mind had been trained to only see certain things and to absolutely pick herself apart.

  When I found out I was having a daughter I made a promise to her and myself that she would never hear me use the word “fat” to describe myself or anyone for that matter.  I promised her and myself that she would never hear me critique my body or question it’s God designed beauty…no matter how I really felt on the inside.

So why did I break up with sweets during the week?  Because God convicted my heart of the power I had given sweets in my life…that I had given food…and that I was letting my mind absolutely critique my body of every little problem area and skip completely over how purposely God had designed me…inside and out.  I thought sweets would make me feel better.  I thought they would make a bad day better.  I thought they would provide help and comfort and God clearly said I was to run to Him for help and comfort.

So I took them out of my week.  I got Ashley on board with it and we decided to give it a try for a solid 7 days and see how we fared.  We ended up going 10.  And we both did well.  It was hard, but freeing.  God started to move in my heart that week and started changing my thought process about food in general and about how I see myself in the mirror.  I’m still working on it, but He is stirring in my heart still.

I agree with Jess…I think God did give us food and drink to enjoy and I do think moderation is key.  I’m not the type to diet or to cut things out completely.  I love the tastes of all kinds of food, especially sweets.  I don’t want any of them gone forever.  So after talking, Ashley and I decided to not eat sweets during the week and to just enjoy them on the weekend.  We do slip up, but are accountable to each other and the accountability I have with her is so good for my heart.  God has reminded me of how nothing on this earth can compare to His comfort and healing.  How nothing can even come close to being held in His hands and feeling that genuine love and assurance.  He has reminded me that He made me.  Does He make mistakes?  Nope.  I was purposefully and intricately designed.  I am beautiful.

Now I’m trying to put good stuff in my body and see myself in the mirror as God sees me.  I’m practicing moderation and I still firmly believe baked goods can change the world.  I have sun spots and wrinkles and dark circles under my eyes…oh, the dark circles (help).  My thighs touch and my muffin top clearly loves me because she has been around since middle school.  I have chicken wrists and love handles.  But I’m coming around to not hating these things anymore and that they do not define me or make me unbeautiful.  And that when I finally meet Jesus He’s not going to say “Well done my muffin-topped, chicken wristed, dark circled eyed servant.”  He does not see me with those eyes.  He cares about my heart.  And He believes I am truly a work of His artful hands.  I’m still not my biggest fan, but I’m getting there and instead of eating some jelly bellys when I’m feeling down, I am reminded that God is the God of my heart and the Creator of the universe…of course, He is going to be my greatest comfort and antidote.  I’m constantly working on it, but I’m aiming to choose Him more.