Last night me and some friends went to the Hillsong United concert here in Nashville. My friend Courtney is an inviter. She hears about things she knows we would love to do or attend and then asks. We had an absolute blast and loved the concert. I thought 5 million times while we stood and worshipped with this giant crowd of people how privileged we are. We worship in freedom and without fear. I thought how this was just a tiny minute glimpse at what heaven must be like. I tell my kids often when they ask questions about Heaven, “Angles sing “Holy. Holy. Holy.” without stopping. Everyone sings His praises.” What that must be like blows my mind.
If you haven’t heard Hillsong’s Oceans song then you’re totally missing out. You must listen asap. It’s an older song and pretty sure forever famous at this point, but still pulls my heart in real tight like Jesus is saying oh so gently, “Listen up, I’ve got something new.”
I remember the first time I ever heard Oceans was in church well over two years ago. I had been feeling God prompting our family towards foster care, but wasn’t sure what that was going to look like, what avenue or if we were even going to jump in. I remember just crying as I sang along.
You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand
Last night when they started playing this now iconic worship song tears immediately welled up. This sweet and fiery little girl and her momma and daddy are still in our lives. We’re all still fighting for reunification and for family. We’re all still fighting for love and our family would have missed the whole dang beautiful mess if we hadn’t stepped right out into those unknown waters. I still can’t believe we’ve been doing this foster care business for almost 2 years and have only had one placement. God knew we needed this little girl. God knew we needed her family. God knew we needed each other. God knew we needed to be pushed out into what was so uncomfortable and honestly can still be.
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
I feel it again in my bones and heart. The push. The call to the unknown. The call to the uncomfortable. Fear rises and yet, Jesus is peace within my anxious sinful heart. This life is just a vapor…a snippet…a blink of an eye…how will we make it count for Him…how will we bring Him glory? How will we love? I can easily get so comfortable and tell myself I deserve a break for a bit. I can fool myself into thinking I really know “suffering” and yet, I really have zero clue. My life is riddled with privilege and ease. I see news headlines and talk of refugees and brothers and sisters dying imaginable deaths for Him. And here I sit thinking I deserve a little something for my effort put forth so far. Like I’ve earned anything. I’m a mockery. The only thing I’ve really earned is hell and Jesus took that one on for me and you.
I remember I was so thrilled about starting this foster care journey and yet crazy scared. We had not a clue as to what it was going to be like. Fear of the unknown was overwhelming. We would never have wandered into this kind of love without God pushing us here, but that’s what God does…He pushes us towards the unknown…towards the uncomfortable and stands with us as we stare fear in the face…and then we find Him right in the mist of it all…His love and grace and mercy…and He makes us better because of it all. He shows us Himself. And we are so undeservingly forever changed yet again.
So I continue to lift my voice to Him every morning re-surrendering it all. Laying it all down again and again and again because by most nights I’ve collected all “my things” and clinched them tight in my fists. I repeat “Anything God. I’ll go, do, be, act, love…anything You ask of me…anything God…my answer is Yes.” And I pray like crazy He is my courage and strength to actually say that yes.