I’ve wrestled with this post for a while. I’ve gone back and forth and back and forth searching for all the right words to even slightly express my heart and my whirlwind of thoughts. Amon has been the kiddo who has thrown our hearts for the biggest loops. He’s had a big life for an almost-two-year-old. He’s had some big struggles and has had to fight hard. He’s kind of amazing. Holding his sweet little baby self in Ethiopia and knowing something was very wrong and then fighting hard to get him to the U.S. as quickly as possible and then stepping onto each plane back to the U.S. with that oxygen machine was incredibly hard and nerve wracking to the max. And no matter how lost I felt, no matter how incapable or unequipped or unworthy I felt to even be a piece of his story, God was right there…sustaining, holding firm, encouraging and reminding me of how He holds time and all our plans in His hands. He knew the journey we’d take with Amon. He knew how Amon would change our hearts and aid in our healing process. He knew Amon would change us in the most unimaginable way ever. He knew Amon would show all 5 of us joy again. And we made it. We made it home and we made it to all the doctors appointments and we made it through open heart surgery and an almost month long stay at the hospital and we made it through being homebound for so long and we made it through the adjustment of going from a family of 5 to 6. We made it. And I’m so proud that we did. I’m so proud of Amon and his fight. I’m proud and thankful beyond thankful he is a survivor. I do not take that lightly. I know we are blessed. And I don’t know why we were blessed in this way because I know so many other families have very different stories and it’s crushing to my heart…I can only imagine…only only imagine.
His struggles continued with his hearing and his development. But God worked a miracle in his little ear…I truly believe that with every ounce of myself. I tend not to believe in miracles much anymore or at least play the role of skeptic all too well and it’s a shame because I know in my spirit God is totally in the business of healing and redemption and restoration and renewing and who am I to doubt the power of the creator of the world. And He gave Amon hearing in his little ear. I believe it. And we marched on with developmental delays with his speech and communication and autism testing and early intervention. Lots and lots of doctors appointments and evaluations. We voiced our concerns and our pediatrician who deserves one of those “world’s greatest” mugs has guided us all along the way. He has been right there helping us understand and giving us his professional opinion and helping us maneuver through each possibility. He’s been the best and helped us navigate all the referrals and all the “next step”s. Here’s the deal: Amon just doesn’t talk much. He tries. He really really tries. And he’s been in early intervention for a while now. He has one-on-one speech therapy every week and I love his therapist. He has lots of signs for a kid his age. Please, Thank you, Help, Book, Open, Close, Ball, Milk, Eat, More, Sorry, Bubbles, Sleep and he even has personal signs for Josh, Harper, Hudson and Solomon. When I was in Africa he said Daddy and I thought I was going to cry a river knowing he had a new word. Up until this moment Momma was his only verbal word. And then shortly after he added “no” to the mix and we all went crazy. Cheering, laughing, praising…we were a bunch of yahoos…all 5 of us. I’m sure Amon thought we were nut jobs. I thought to myself, “Here we go. He’s going to take off. This is what we’ve been working so hard for. This is what Amon has been working so hard for.” And then the words stopped.
He is making progress and he will mimic more than before, but sometimes I sit there feeling so defeated…doubting he’ll ever really talk. I do. I doubt. And I look at him in all his crazy sweetness and at how hard he works and I just gush and cry about how blessed we are. And God whispers again and again the reminder that He holds it all and nothing surprises Him. Amon is His child…not ours…just like Harper, Hudson and Solomon are all His as well. Josh and I have been entrusted for but a brief time to care for these gifts…these jewels…these exquisite pieces of God’s handy work. And He allows hope to drip back in and fill up my heart as quickly as it leaked out.
He had a recent developmental evaluation and we’ve been referred for a speech eval to help rule out some things like a type of stroke that specifically affects speech and to maybe give group therapy a try and see if he picks up a little more in a group setting. I would love for him to try music therapy because he loves music and will hum and try to sing things like happy birthday and the alphabet song. We pray for his heart and his little mind and for the words to come. And right when Josh and I give each other this deep, long defeated stare Amon does something amazing like mimic the word please. And we lose our minds like all proud parents would.
The other day he mimicked “thank you” as he signed it and I sobbed. It was the first time he put two words together. I called Josh at work…no answer…so I text him and he called me back shortly after and we just sat on the phone together in awe. I even got Amon to say it again over the phone for Josh. It was emotional. It was the hope we needed. It was God giving us the hope we needed. A glimpse and a reminder of His goodness.
And then I remember like the fool I am that His goodness is always there. It wasn’t solely wrapped up in the words “thank you”. It was already there and and it never leaves. It’s never ending. His goodness is everywhere…wrapped and entwined through out our entire existence. He is good. And even though I beg and pray to God to allow Amon’s heart to stay strong and to allow him to speak and communicate…even if something happens with his heart or Amon maxes his words out at Momma, Daddy and No, God will still be good. He knows our plans all too well and He knows what’s best. Everything filters through Him. And what Satan meant for harm or to discourage or to defeat us, God meant for good.
So you’ll find us celebrating every little milestone in Amon’s journey. We’ll be the ones cheering and hooping and hollering over every new sign or word. We’ll be the proud parents beaming with pride as we watch Amon work so amazingly hard and try his little best. We’ll be the ones who will tell you every single time no matter how encouraged or discouraged we feel that day, how blessed and honored we are to be his parents…to be the parents of all 4 of these wildly wonderful Kelley kids. Yes. That will be us because God’s goodness permeates every stitch of our family and doesn’t run out in the good times, but sustains and uplifts even in the trenches.
**Disclaimer: Amon has many, many, many outside factors thrown in his little mix that are very different from other kids his age. Our pediatrician has guided us through out our entire journey with Amon and we have looked to him for advice and expertise. I share this post in hopes of encouraging others who may feel down in the trenches or defeated at times.**
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Goodness. So moving. Please continue to share Amon’s (and God’s) triumphs because we all want to shout and Dance and praise alongside you! He is so special to all of us who have followed your journey these past few years. You don’t know me at all but I love you and your sweet family very much. I’m praying for Amon. I’m praying for all of you.
awww– been in that boat, girl– our son Noah, who we adopted from China when he was 22 months old, didn’t talk for an entire year. nothing. we knew he was super smart b/c he could sign as well and do amazing thing– he also has cleft lip and palate– but that wasn’t why he wasn’t talking– still don’t know why– but when he turned 3– he started talking– just one words maybe 2 here and there– and now he’s 5– and speech wise– he’s still 2 years behind– but like you- we celebrate every little milestone he hits– b/c they are hard fought and won with battles— and we appreciate them so much more. 🙂 hang in there:)
Oh, just wanted to say that I have adopted 2 kids from Guatemala and one from Ethiopia. The twins are now 6 and our little Amanuel (from Ethiopia) is now just turning 3 this month. None of them talked before 3- no matter how much we therapied and worked with them. They were all adopted at 6 months- so no reasons other than the language switch or just stubbornness caused no language. Amanuel is turning 3 this month and is just now saying words. It is going to be ok. I didn’t even do any intervention for Amanuel (except have him follow a house full of big kids- we have 6 kids). He spoke no words until last month. It is so frustrating…. but the words are finally coming- I am sure they will for your precious Amon, too. Sometimes I think the more kids in the house the slower the speech- because the others talk for them and there is so much action. Go Amon! What a cutie!!
Oh I can relate. It is so hard to watch your child struggle. My second born didn’t speak any words until he was 3 years old. He had severely under developed mouth muscles and couldn’t talk (even though he desperately wanted to) and struggled with eating because of the muscle weakness. As he went through intensive therapy we celebrated like crazy each time he made a new sound and then when those sounds became words we rejoiced even more. Praying that you will have many more celebratory moments with Amon as he progresses in his language and communication.
God has placed Amon exactly where he needs to be, and he is so blessed to be in your home and hearts. It’s going to be so interesting to watch.
i am finding this whole post really cool. not just because your cutest-baby-alive is a rockstar and yall are being so faithful (but wow, those are cool), but because of the parallel between what yall are learning and what Amon is. how with all the insane mommy worry and wondering and planning and controlling, you worked your butts off to get to a place where you could just say THANK YOU! i know yall have never stopped being thankful, but i think this victory is such a perfect picture of yalls parenting on a tiny scale. OF COURSE amon worked his little butt off to be able to say “thank you!” because he has yall modelling that for him all the time. in the yucky, the boring, the heart-breaking and the suck: ye kelleys FIGHT to blurt out a life of thanks. rock on.
Everyone’s stories are all so different and unique but we have two children: our daughter was adopted from Russia and came home at 14 1/2 months old. She didn’t talk until she turned two and then things slowly started coming for her. A year later our biological son was born and he didn’t say anything until he was two. His speech literally exploded after two and people couldn’t believe how little he was and the language that he used even though I wouldn’t have claimed any one single word before his second birthday. Since I don’t know any different with either of my two, I am shocked when I hear little ones under two years old that can talk. Praying that it will all come along for Amon in God’s time.
Reading the blog today brought back every fear and moment of joy that I had with my own daughter. She is an amazing kid but when so many others around her were learning their first words and babbling with their siblings mine remained silent. Not silent in the way she loved, not silent in the way she moved about the room or the way she communicated a sense of understanding and presence but silent in the words and sounds that simply would not come. My heart ached when we’d see other children her age putting words together, humming and putting songs together but my sweet E sat smiling and looking on. The moments in which she was left out because she merely couldn’t speak into the conversation.
I remember the joy that came when a simple word flowed from her mouth, it was as if a waterfall had fallen upon us and given us a reason to keep doing the intensive speech therapy that was required; making the 50 minute drive one way to and from her speech therapist serval times a week. Others would look at her and ask her questions and I remember the way her eyes would stare at me hoping that I might be able to express something that might be inside of her. The look of dismay as the ‘outsider’ didn’t understand why she couldn’t respond.
It is a different life when speech is something that doesn’t merely flow. It does not diminish the joy….it doesn’t take away from the laughter…it doesn’t take away from the good; it simply changes it all.
And you are so right, God is right there in the midst of it all. You are so right in having to stand on the mountain top and say thank you for the small words like no!! You are so grand in sharing that Amon is a unique gifted child of God. You are so brave in saying my child; my beautiful wonderful child struggles and yet in the midst of those our God is mightier than the mightiest river. I remember those moments; I remember the hard conversations with physicians as they provided the way; I remember the mountains that were conquered and most of all I remember the well spring of joy as I watched our daughter love with the heart of Christ. Thanks for sharing this morning; thanks for reminding us that our children are entrusted into our care; thanks for the bravery it took to proclaim that Amon has a difficult path at times; and thank you for reminding us that our God is bigger than we could possibly imagine. You are brave, you are holy and you are good!
Very well said, God is good through it *all*. Also, your confetti looks like a heart 🙂 pretty cool.
Laura, I love your positive grateful attitude even though it must be incredibly frustrating to not get to hear the thoughts going on inside Amon’s head and for him to not be able to easily share his needs and feelings. Just don’t lose hope. So many kids who struggled with little or no speech at 2 were talking their parents ears off at 3 or maybe even later depending on the reason for the delay. I bet their parents cherish every word though and what a gift to be able to have that perspective. Like all difficult journeys, I bet you will all come out better, stronger, and more spiritually evolved on the other side if you push into the hard instead of letting it pull you down. My children both have specific struggles that are big enough to make life pretty difficult a lot of the time but they are otherwise amazing and gifted in so many ways. I said to my daughter recently that I was sorry she struggled so much in this one area but that it would be kind of ridiculous for such an amazing person to not have at least one really difficult thing to overcome. After all, how would she have empathy or perspective for other people’s struggles. This idea really helped her. Of course, secretly, in all my humanness I just want everything to be easy and I wish we didn’t have any really hard thing to deal with as a family or for her personally at such a young age, but I do believe it’s making us all better and stronger people. I’m sure God’s already lining up people in our future that we will get to love on and support in just the right way because of the difficult journey we’ve had to take.
Laura, you and your kids are such a positive light in the world already that I have no doubt that God will use all you are learning during this time for His good.
I loved your post. I am a preschool special education teacher and get to work with the most beautiful and amazing kids everyday. It is good for me to be reminded of what an emotional struggle and roller coaster it is for their parents. I promise you Amon will flourish in his own time. I have had children come to my class at 3 barely talking and eating baby food and leave looking very much like a typical kiddo. They are amazing just have to do things on their time frame not ours.
So beautifully said Laura! My 10 year old broke his leg when he was 17 months old. He had a few words at the time and lost them all. He re-learned to walk with a cast and then once the cast came off he had to learn to walk for a 3rd time. (A broken leg isn’t even close to all Amon has gone through.) My son pretty much stopped talking and started speech therapy at age 2 years. Our pediatrician felt that due to the broken leg, our son had to focus so much on learning to walk several different times, that he wasn’t able to focus on learning new words. By 2.5 yrs he still only had a handful of words. BUT, something finally clicked and he started talking. He’s 10 and still is not a huge talker but is beyond smart and funny. You are right to say that no matter what God is still good, whether Amon speaks more or not, but my hope is that things will “click” for Amon at some point soon. And that God will give all the doctors wisdom in figuring out how best to help your little guy!
So beautifully said Laura! My 10 year old broke his leg when he was 17 months old. He had a few words at the time and lost them all. He re-learned to walk with a cast and then once the cast came off he had to learn to walk for a 3rd time. (A broken leg isn’t even close to all Amon has gone through.) My son pretty much stopped talking and started speech therapy at age 2 years. Our pediatrician felt that due to the broken leg, our son had to focus so much on learning to walk several different times, that he wasn’t able to focus on learning new words. By 2.5 yrs he still only had a handful of words. BUT, something finally clicked and he started talking. He’s 10 and still is not a huge talker but is beyond smart and funny. You are right to say that no matter what God is still good, whether Amon speaks more or not, but my hope is that things will “click” for Amon at some point soon. And that God will give all the doctors wisdom in figuring out how best to help your little guy!
Go, Amon, go! Keep encouraging and working with him – I have no doubt that you’ll figure out how to help him communicate, even if not with words 🙂
Thank you for sharing these real life struggles with us. I am an early intervention speech therapist in Massachusetts – so I get it from a therapists point of view, but don’t often know what it’s like for parents. So many parents want to just be strong in front of me and there are very few families that are able to express the real struggle they face when I am not there. Keep pressing on, trusting The Lord to work in Amon in His perfect timing. I will be praying for wisdom and clarity as the doctors continue to look into Amons delays. (And I should add a