I have single handedly ruined our day so far…and yes it’s only 11. That can only mean I’ve got plenty of time to let my bad attitude ruin the rest of the day.

I’m chicken pecking this post out on my phone because a giant jade lion of my moms fell off the little shelf on our desk and onto the top of our computer busting the screen. What quite possibly made the giant said lion fall was running wild children in a house we are out growing.

I over slept because of sheer exhaustion. Life is wild and busy right now. And our hearts are being pulled in so many emotional directions. I’m tired. My heart is tired. Instead of running into the arms of the One who can give me true rest I just get all kinds of pissed off. I’ve yelled at the kids multiple times already today. I don’t want to be asked another question…when is lunch, are we doing anything fun today, can we watch tv, can we play a game, can we have a snack….it makes me want to yell wild animal sounds into the air and cry. And I know it shouldn’t but I just press on letting Satan steal away my day.  I’m holding onto this bad attitude because things just aren’t going like I thought they should. It’s my bratty, spoiled  rotten right…right?

Therapy at 8am sharp in the rain. Another outing to look at a possible house option that didn’t pan out. Our house is disgusting and needs  to be cleaned in the worst kind of way. I stepped in little boy pee flowing along the floor grout in our bathroom and about lost my #%*\.  Everyone is hungry for lunch and we still have not been grocery shopping. Plans for the week have already been disrupted and changed just because of  life’s happenings.  The kids are frustrated with each other.  There are fights breaking out and Amon is walking around with a giant poop diaper. And I won’t even tell you how long it’s been since our kids  have had a bath.  There’s always that dang bath issue.

Today was suppose to be different. Today was suppose to go wildly in another direction. And even still, knowing my own bad attitude is wreaking havoc on our day, I’m locked away writing this all out…not having changed a thing just yet.

I thought, I’ll do my devotional and God will hit me smack in the face with the scripture and words I need to hear, but He didn’t. It added to my pissed-offness. Doesn’t God know I need Him to do something like now for me?!?!?  I’m such a brat. A spoiled brat. God knows I already know the right thing to do. He knows He’s already equipped me with everything I need to change the course of our day. He knows Im fully aware of what needs to change and everything is pointing right at me and my ugly selfish heart.

So I’m laying my ugly sinful heart out for you guys to see. Bearing all it’s flesh full ways. When I hit post I’m getting up and getting to work. Today was suppose to be different and I’ve been given plenty of time to make the changes that so desperately need to be made.

Today I’m fighting my sinful ways…battling my flesh. I know it won’t be easy, sometimes it’s so appealing to let anger and disappointment and pity rule my thoughts & actions, but grace and love are really where it’s at. And I’m so thankful for a Father who loves and forgives and hands out ample amounts of grace and chances.   Here’s to changing my Monday!