Forgive my all over the placeness tonight.  I have this whole “thing” in my head, and I don’t have the words all worked out yet.  When your heart feels overwhelmed sometimes it’s hard to find words.  I’ve been reading through the gospels and currently find myself in Luke.  Not quite to John yet, but almost there.  I’ve been highlighting and underlining and really asking God to teach me more and more about His character in hopes that not only I will know God more, but that in turn I can imitate Him more.  I sat last night in bed and came to the realization after looking back over Matthew, Mark and Luke and taking note of things I had highlighted that two phrases continued to appear and each time I highlighted them.

…he had compassion…

…I desire mercy and not sacrifice…

Over and over and over again these phrases appear about Jesus.  I’m no Bible scholar at all.  No where close.  I have to google things and verses all the time.  When He says …not sacrifice…from what I understand He is usually speaking to the Pharisees and the way they put the laws on a pedestal.  Over and over and over again Jesus shows compassion and mercy.

I have this love/hate relationship with social media.  I think a lot of people feel this way.  Honestly, I’ve gotten to the point where I get on Facebook to post my blog for the day and then get off.  I have a hard time handling it so I now avoid it mostly.  It’s great for my small business and it can be great for other things as well, but I found my feelings were getting far too wrapped up in people.  And then with all the recent news with Ferguson and New York, I found myself having hurt feelings and being very judgmental…taking up issues with people…their status posts, the articles being posted, the “likes” of certain things, the comments.  I didn’t like how I felt and how I was putting stock in people, when I know my hope should always be in Jesus and Him alone.  People fail us…just like I fail people.  It’s easy to point out what’s wrong with everyone else, to see their flaws, but God continues to point out that I have flaws and people take up issues with me and I get on people’s nerves and I don’t always make the best choices and I don’t always make godly decisions or say the right things.  I’m a sinner saved by this giant redeeming grace.  So I’ve been avoiding certain social media like the plague because I know I let my thoughts and feelings wander far from where God would desire them to be.

I haven’t said anything about all the heartbreaking racial tension in the news because truthfully I feel like I  just don’t know what to say.  I believe completely and totally that everyone is created in God’s image and everyone matters.  Everyone deserves to be loved and to love.  Everyone’s story counts and has value to Christ…and so they should count and have value to me.  I know I am a mom of 4 amazingly beautiful children who I feel honored and humbled to parent.  Two of my children are not only black Ethiopian boys in a majority white family, but also are adopted.  I will never fully understand how they feel.  I will never fully grasp the gravity of their loss or how racism will affect their sweet lives…because racism still exists.  And so I sit with my thoughts and literally beg God to help me and Josh parent them as He would…and when we are just at a crushing loss that He would be everything they need.  Some days I feel so inadequate as a mom to all of my children.  This is the gig I don’t want to mess up.  I don’t want to fail these 4 little souls who call me Momma…and yet, I know I will.  God will be their ultimate rock…their parent who never falters, who always knows what to do and what to say, the One who doesn’t get it wrong.

Tonight while I ran I listened to some sermons.  Our pastor recently addressed the stories like Ferguson and New York and I think he did a really great job and I wanted to share it.  You can listen to it HERE.  It’s week 2: Be Compassionate.

And Nashville’s police department has recently made national news for the way they’ve handled protestors…with dignity and respect…with compassion and mercy.  It makes me proud to be a Nashvillian.  The police chief even publicly addressed a letter criticizing the way his department has handled the protests and he does it with more dignity and respect…compassion and mercy.  You can read the letter exchange HERE.

So I keep looking back to Jesus…the way He always looked onto people with compassion and how He desired mercy.  Compassion and mercy…what we all deserve and need.