New Year Goals

The start of a new year always sends my anxiety fluttering.  Setting goals makes me sweaty.  It all feels like a need and yet also, applies pressure.  Sometimes I need the pressure, but most of the time I just need a crap ton of grace.  It’s a hard line for me to walk.  I’m not good at balance.  I do love actually putting pen to paper and getting goals written down.  I’m a visual person so writing them down and then seeing them helps my head out a bit.  9 times out of 10 I start writing down goals and then it kind of morphs into more of a to-do list.  I like to feel like I accomplished something so a “bake on Sundays” and “fold clothes” throws me a bone every now and then.  This might not be wise in the goal making department, but you do what you have to do.

I have already accomplished a few things, I mean, I haven’t bitten my fingernails in 4 whole days.  THIS IS HUGE.  I did paint them on January 1st with 5 coats of fingernail polish.

Sidenote:  Having painted fingernails instantly makes me feel fancier and pretty sure I should be a hand model.  I hold things a little differently and a little longer.  Need a hand model…hire me now.  End sidenote.

  Seriously, it’s sad, but when I discover a lady who bites her nails I’m all “Let’s be best friends and make each other feel better about our nervous habit.”  Last year on our Swaziland trip, one of my new friends bit her nails too and it immediately boosted my own self confidence.  Nail biters unite.

Also in the goal department I have already scheduled our photos with Cheyenne and cleaned up my Pinterest boards.  Again, with the more “To-Do list” VS “Goals”.  Our photos with Cheyenne totally deserve a goal placement though.  And now I can cross two things off.  Riding pretty high on my horse.

Eating healthy…well, I ate pizza for dinner.  You win some, you lose some.

Don’t stress as much…Ummmmm, I drove two full laps around the perimeter of Kroger’s parking lot today trying to convince my very tired self that I could indeed take all 5 kids into Kroger and grocery shop very close to lunch and nap time due to a very very empty refrigerator at home and 3 extra guests staying the night with us.

Myself:  I can do this.  Mom’s with way more than 5 kids take them all grocery shopping…I bet, some even during nap time.

Myself again:  I can do this.  I can do this.

Myself again again:  I’m bailing.  We can all split 3 tortillas, 2 pieces of salami and 4 strawberries.

Myself again again again:  Nope.  We’re doing this.  I am the boss.

Myself again again again again:  Okay guys.  We can do this.  We’re getting in and out and going home.

Harper:  Mom, we can do this!

I then almost broke down into tears in the deli because we had already been in the store for 30 minutes and hadn’t even made it past produce…which is at the beginning…due to 2 different bathroom trips.  Sigh.

Some goals are just easier than others and it just so happened on January 1st I wrapped up Hebrews.  I loved Hebrews.  Shockingly loved Hebrews.  And as we were starting this new year Hebrews rang so wild and true “All we care about is living well before God”.

In all the real reality…I’m a giant failure and a big ole’ sinner…so I’m just going to try my best for God…goals accomplished or not.  I want to love and give and try to not grow weary as I so often do.  I want to dream and ask God to do crazy things…things He can only do.  And then I want to keep expectant eyes ready…ready for His crazy goodness whatever it may look like.

So maybe I’ll get to go to Swaziland and encourage people by handing out flowers in pickle jars and finally have a new vanity installed and spend less time on my phone, but no matter what, I really really just want to live well before God…I want to make Him proud…and I kind of don’t think He cares if I bite my fingernails or not 🙂

Happy Monday.