Archives for July 2018

It’s been a while since we had a really great vacation.  Even last year’s beach trip was good, but hard with the weight of Everett’s open heart surgery looming over everyone.  We’ve also become quite the homebodies and none of us like to be away from home for too long so that always makes a trip kind of tricky as well.  Josh Kelley and I have talked many times how this was such a good trip for our whole family.  We had fun.  We smiled.  We fought less.  We laughed.  We relaxed and rested.  It’s been a very long time since we’ve rested.  It was an extraordinarily good trip for us.

Every morning we had slow mornings and breakfast and then hit the beach. We played and dug in the sand and buried one another and made moats and sandcastles and drip castles.  We threw football and ate snacks and caught jellyfish, little minnows and crabs and collected seashells.  The kids had an absolute blast.

Leo loved every single bit of the beach.  We weren’t sure if he’d be down for the sand, but the boy loves the water and he was a fan of both the sand and the ocean.  He played his little heart out and crashed every day at lunch…mid eating.  He loved being in the ocean with Josh…so many sweet smiles and precious time with him.  Leo is just a joy!

One day on the beach there was a large pelican just hanging out.  Josh and another dad on the beach figured out the pelican actually couldn’t fly because it was wrapped up in deep sea fishing wire.  They ended up pulling a full on rescue while the beach looked on.  It was quite dramatic and fantastic and hilarious watching these two men take on this giant pelican while it snapped it’s massive beak at them.  In the end the guys had victory over the fishing wire with the help of a beach towel, some strong arms and a pair of scissors.  I laughed so hard watching strangers after the whole ordeal was over and the pelican was freed, shake their hands, congratulate them and give them keys to the city.  They were beach heroes.  And I got zero documentation…ZERO… of the whole thing because I was just as roped in as the next beach stranger, but also simultaneously wrangling kids and helping Harper get the other dad’s keys which dropped into the ocean during the commotion.  I feel like I will be telling our grandkids this story.

After lunch each day Leo would nap and Josh and I would take turns taking the rest of the gang to the pool.  Our kids could not love to swim more.  They are like freakin’ fish.  They just swim and swim and swim.  After Leo woke up we’d all go back to the beach.  And before dinner we’d go back to the pool.  It was pretty hilarious, but they lived it up and come dinner each night we were unsure how they were all still awake.

Three of my favorite things about vacation were as follows:

1. Fruit Loops for breakfast each morning.  We do not buy fun cereals simply because I would eat them all every single day.  Fun cereals are my weakness and Fruit Loops are my absolute favorite.  I have zero willpower and when on vacation I treated myself every morning and some afternoons. 🙂

2. King size bed + sleeping in each morning.  Gah!!!!  I feel like I’ve been living in a constant state of exhaustion for a full year now and a giant comfy bed plus sleep was crazy nice.  

Bonus: A giant bed meant there was way more room for kiddos to pile in for TV watching.  My mom always let me pile into her bed with her and our kids do the same for shows and early morning chats.

And 3. Netflix.  Oh.My.Word.  I mean, we just didn’t really know what we were missing out on.  It’s like a whole new world.  We binge watched Flaked with Will Arnett…LOVED!!!!!

Laura Kelley Fun Fact #717:  If I had to choose the actor who would play Josh Kelley if a movie was ever made about his life I would pick Will Arnett.  There are just soooooo many similarities and I wouldn’t mind making out with him.  Like, at all. 🙂

We also watched several episodes of Queer Eye and every show had me laughing and crying.  Just so insanely great!!!  Once back home from vacation we quickly took advantage of Netflix’s 30 day free trial and we still have 2 weeks left.  All the hallelujahs.  If you’ve got a favorite show do tell.  We’d love some recommendations for our remaining two weeks.  We’re currently watching House of Cards and White Collar…thanks Marcie!!

So vaction recap:  It was the best vacation we’ve had in who knows how long.  We had fun and felt lighter and we even drove all the way home still happy.  It was a vacation miracle.  Here’s to you, Alabama beaches.  You were just what we needed.

Each year for Gotcha Days we do something fun all together as a family.  It’s a family celebration remembering the day our sweet kiddo joined our family and we became even better.  We let the special kid pick fun things like breakfast, dinner and dessert.  They are always days we look forward to.

Last July for Solomon’s Gotcha Day I was in Michigan with Everett and Josh was back at home with the other kids trying to lift spirits.  The next day Everett went into cardiac arrest and was put on full life support.  Josh immediately jumped on the next flight headed to Ann Arbor leaving the kiddos behind.  Solomon’s special day sucked.  It wasn’t anything like we usually intend for these special family days to be.  It was full of angst and sadness and seperation.

This July was pretty terrible.  Constant sadness and pain and reminders and guilt and re-living last July and I am beyond ready for this month to be over with.  As Josh and I were looking at July and thinking ahead to Solomon’s Gotcha Day we decided we wanted to do something extra special for his day this year.  Our whole crew loves the beach so this year a gotcha day celebration on the beach was in order.

We drove down on a Wednesday so we’d be on the beach all day Thursday for Sol’s day.  Before we leave on trips we go by Everett’s grave.  I am fully aware he’s not there, but it feels nice to stop by.  Last year when we went to the beach with Everett we found tons of seashells and a jar full of them now sits in our bathroom.  When we stopped by his special little corner of the earth we each took a seashell from the jar and left it on Everett’s grave.  It just felt right when everything about our life without him feels so wrong.  We miss him terribly and so wish he was still here with us.

We found an amazing cottage right on the beach that fit all our big family’s needs.  It was perfection walking just a minute to the beach and pool every day.  Solomon had already made his Gotcha Day plans so on our drive in we were keeping our eyes open for his food requests.  We cooked every night, except for his Gotcha Day night.

Sol is a total foodie so picking out his favorites is always really special and important to him.  He chose donuts for breakfast, Takis and Twin Snakes for a fun beach snack, spicy wings for dinner and shaved ice for dessert.  We disputed none of his choices because it was all delicious.

Sidenote: If you’ve never tried the TwinSnakes candy and like gummy candy, please do.  They are the absolute bomb!!!!   A total Kelley fave.

Bonus:  Everett was born in the year of the snake so of course they remind me of him.

We spent most of the day on the beach and he lived it up.  He was king for the day and we loved letting him be.  The weather was perfection, the water was clear and the flag waving was purple meaning there was excessive wildlife.  Jellyfish, sting rays, dolphins, giant schools of fish and even a 4ft shark hanging out right off the shore.  To commemorate Solomon’s Gotcha Day Sol and Josh got stung by the same jellyfish together. Hahahaha.

It was so great celebrating him and remembering what an incredible day it was when we became each other’s.  At the end of the day it felt so nice to have spent this day so much differently than we did last year.  9 years home and a lot of life has been lived in those 9 years.  I’ll never forget the moment I held Solomon for the first time and life instantly because even more beautiful.  He makes us better and we’ll tell him until the day we die that we’re the luckiest parents around because it’s just the truth.

1. For our anniversary and to remember the day we sent Everett into surgery Josh Kelley and I decided we wanted to do something fun with just our big kids.  They have carried so much grief and sadness and still do, so some fun was really in order.  Harper had asked about going to Holiday World so we got Amon, Leo and our littlest lady all taken care of and hit the road early in the morning for Santa Clause, IN.  In our biggish family it’s harder for us to single out alone time with a certain kid or kids so Josh and I were just as excited as Harper, Hudson and Solomon were about our day.

We had an absolute blast.  We got some rain which semi bummed us out for a bit, but we rebounded quickly.  We rode all the rides and ate all the yummy foods and took full advantage of the free unlimited soft drinks.

We lived our best life in a theme park based on all the holidays and loved being with our 3 that kicked this family off.  They were all so little together and do not remember life without one another and I absolutely adore that.  And we adored our time with them to celebrate and remember such an important day for our family.

2. Josh and I are terrible at getting in date nights.  It feels hard to get someone lined up and then there’s the money and finding the time and we’re just really bad at it.  I loathe when people make it sound like you must have date nights to have a good marriage.  Hearing it use to instantly make me feel like Josh and I were doing things wrong and doomed, but really it’s just not the dating season for us.  Don’t get me wrong, we love a date night.  I mean who doesn’t like a little time away from their kids?!?!?!  Sometimes miracles do happen and we recently had the best date night with Andy and Becky.  We ate such good food and talked about everything.  The talking alone is so good for me…to hear other adult humans thoughts and share my own, OMG…life giving.  Give me all the late night grainy pictures when they mean remembering really great times.

3. Fourth of July came and went, but not without hard feelings.  Last 4th of July I was with Everett and my best friend Ashley at Mott.  He’d had 2 open heart surgeries in 4 days and I’ll never forget walking into his room early in the morning and finding the sweetest footprint craft his 2 night nurses had done with him to celebrate his first 4th of July in the US.  Josh had flown back home after 8 days in Michigan to spend time with our other kiddos.  Ashley arrived that day and we watched fireworks out the big windows in Everett’s room.

I thought about him all day.  I thought about how much he would have loved all the family time and the fun foods and the fireworks and sparklers.  As I watched Leo enjoy his first 4th of July and him startle and then enjoy the fireworks my mind sat on Everett.  I watched my niece Campbell swirl her sparkler in a heart shape and I could have cried a river right there in the darkness of Josh’s parents yard.  We carry him with us everywhere and remember him in every moment.

4. I love watching our kids love Leo.  I love their joy and their inclusion and their pride they take in him.  They talk about his progress, attachment and bonding regularly.  “I think he really likes us a lot” or “I think Leo is adjusting so well” are comments they say often.  It’s like they are channeling their grief into something beautiful and purposeful and I feel honored to watch it unfold.  They love him so deeply.  One of my favorite things is how they talk to him about Shuai.  They tell Leo stories and show him pictures and reference things to him about Everett.  They know they are all connected and watching them remember him and wanting Leo to remember him too is an extraordinarily precious gift to my mama heart.

And 5. One of my fondest childhood memories is watching my mom cook or baking with her.  There was never a beater or spoon I wasn’t allowed to lick clean when she was finished.  It’s all fun and games until someone gets salmonella, but lucky for us, no one ever did. 🙂  Giving my kids a scoop of cookie dough or lick a beater with brownie batter or frosting is one of my greatest joys.  I hope they do the same with their own kiddos one day.  Leo thoroughly enjoyed his time with some cream cheese frosting.

Summer has gotten the better of us and my trying to keep up and write has completely derailed.  We’ve taken some fun trips and been summering it up and working on all of Leo’s medical stuff.  Plus throw in each of all our things and grief and summer has almost given me a nervous breakdown.  July has been the absolute worst…hard as freakin’ hell.  Not going to lie, we’ve had fun, but it’s been really really tough.  I wanted to stop in and just write something…I miss this space when I’m away…so as my per usual, I’ve gathered some random thoughts for today.

Leo loves sitting on our counter tops…along with the rest of us…which I deeply love.  The counter was Everett’s spot.  He adjusted and attached and bonded so quickly with us, but mornings were always hectic and busy so his favorite spot was on the counter up above the chaos.  It was his little space to start his morning off and ease into his day with some breakfast and always a yogurt with a straw.  It was his spot and always will be.  We all just sit up there to remember him and feel a little closer to our boy.

He also really loves his food.  Like really really loves his food.  Truly and deeply.  He’s the skiniest little thing, but it certainly is not because the child ins’t eating.  He is happiest with his snacks.  One of his favorite snacks is a green smoothie.  He LOVES a smoothie, so much so, that when he nears the end of the glass and knows it, a fit ensues.  A crazy loud, adorable fit.

These two have a special little bond.  Solomon is crazy attentive to Leo and is always ready to help him in any way he can.  Sol was the same way with Everett and I think he feels that extra little connection to Leo too.  It’s one of my most favorite things to watch.  They are quite smitten with one another.

Sure signs of summer break:  Backwards hat wearing, all the game playing and swimming at friends’ pools.  Only 2 weeks remaining and then it’s back-to-school.  We’re all in a little shock and disbelief our time is coming to an end.  It’s like I’m screaming at summer, “Staaaaaaaaay!!” while simultaneously screaming, “Get the eff out of here.” 🙂

We get more and more little glimpses of Harper, Hudson and Solomon as teens every day.  I can just see it.  They will not stop growing and changing and getting bigger and more grown and more fun.  Give me all the big kids of the world.

In June we celebrated 15 years of marriage and 1 year since we sent Everett into surgery.  Our anniversary is now marked by a really heavy day…the last day Everett was fully Everett…a true mingling of joy and sadness.  It was hard and sad and heavy.  We tried celebrating and then it kind of crapped out on us.  That’s what grief does.  You can have the best laid plans and then sadness and anger and pain swoop in and derail it all.  But good plans gone awry didn’t change that Josh Kelley is still my total jam.

I’ve really not felt like myself for a while now and it’s been very difficult to navigate.  I know a big part of it is not creating.  I function and process my feelings much better when I can be creative in some way.  In an effort to help myself I started two new journal projects.  One project is a themed journal with a group of 11 other ladies.  I chose “strong” as my theme because this past year I’ve felt so weak and lost and flat out like I’m drowning.  I want to feel strong and capable and equipped and I’m excited to have a whole journal full of reminders of exactly what and how “strong” can look.

Leo is having an important heart procedure this morning.  We’re hopeful for some answers and news which will lead to a path for his special little heart.  I’m hoping to get in quite a bit of writing during our stay.  Hopefully you’ll hear from me a little more regularly with a little down time.

Thanks again for dropping by and reading.  I know blogging isn’t the “it” thing anymore, but I so love to type away on these keys.  Thanks for always being so kind and willing to read.

A box showed up on our front porch that read “perishable” on the side.  We knew this meant something edible likely was inside.  When we opened the box and found Pancho’s Cheese Dip we all about died.

Laura Kelley Fun Fact #53:  If I were given only one choice of what food to eat for the rest of my life it would be cheese dip…and chips.  I know that’s technically 2 foods, but then again is it really?!?!  They go together…it would unnatural to separate them.

We had never tried Pancho’s before, but were super excited to give this Memphis, TN jewel a try and it did not disappoint.  If you haven’t tried them and you like queso, look no further.  So so crazy good.  You can have it shipped…which is like the most fun mail ever…or pick some up at Walmart and Sams Club.

We went to see Incredibles 2 with Jen and Campbell and it was really good.  I actually was not a giant fan of the first Incredibles.  I remember cringing when little Harper, Hudson and Solomon would pick it for movie night because it was such a long kids movie, but the new one…I’m a fan.  It was so funny and it had a lot of relevant life happenings.  Mrs. Incredible was empowered being back in the work force, Mr. Increbile felt overwhelmed at first by staying home, but then came into his own and the kids found their place too.  It was just a neat movie and we all laughed so hard and really enjoyed it.

Friendship bracelets are all the rage at our house right now.  It’s a boredom buster and I was able to bust out my friendship bracelet making skills I refined way back in middle school.  I was admittedly a bit rusty at first, but finally remembered some of my old tricks.  The kids were all impressed and now most everyone in our house is wearing at the minimum one friendship bracelet.  I made myself a new rainbow one since my old one is hanging on by mere threads.

I read rave reviews about The Laws Guide To Nature Drawing & Journaling and new I needed to check it out asap.  Our library had it so I have been enjoying it this summer and if you’ve ever wanted to learn more about nature journaling and lots of helpful tips, this book is for you.  I love it!!!

We’ve been listening to lots of audio books this summer.  The top crowd pleaser so far was Public School Superhero by James Patterson.  Every one of us LOVED this one.  It made me laugh out loud and cry.  It was sweet and witty and hysterical and real life and inspiring and made my brain swirl.  I’m thinking it might take the award for most favorite of the summer unless something comes along and knocks it out of place between now and August.

We received the sweetest gift in the mail recently from Jorden.  At first Josh Kelley was hopeful it was a painting of me and him 😉 but turns out it was even better.  It made me teary.  Jorden is a medical student and while studying the heart she thought of our heart guys and especially Everett.  I immediately found a place for it in our kitchen.  I imagine it being a family heirloom.  Thank you so much Jorden..it’s really beautiful.

Asian snacks forever!!!  Josh Kelley is usually the one going to one of our local world markets to pick up all our favorite Asian snacks, but the kids and I recently went when we ran out of rice and they had so much fun.  We found all our favorites and picked up some goodies for a new friend too.  They always have these cute animal containers filled with the equivalent of kid jello shots and one container is gone in 5 days flat in our home.

 And Josh and I went on a date recently and after dinner we snagged dessert at Five Daughters Bakery.  We’ve enjoyed their treats before, but I had never had their chocolate sea salt cronut.  You guys!!!!  I  have been thinking about this treat even since.  I can’t stop thinking about it.  Like I think about it so much…an embarrassingly amount of my brain space is given to this donut.  If you even get the chance, please for the love of humanity, try this deliciousness.  You will not be disappointed.

If you’ve got some favorite things I’d love to hear about them.  I’m all ears!!!

1. I can’t.  I just cannot handle his cuteness.  When he lays on his little belly and places those hands under his chin.  Gahhhh!  One of his all time favorite things to watch is Mandarin Elmo episodes on Youtube.  His total fave.

2. We’ve got two blue belts in the house now.  I have no idea how long karate will last, but until it ends I will adore them in their gis.  Their handsome smiles…geeze.

3. The other day I was going out to get the mail and I grabbed Harper’s shoes.  I slipped them on and THEY FIT!!!!!  Why?!?!?!  Why do my 11-year-olds shoes fit me?!?!?!  This is not okay.  She is almost as tall as me and she’s just a really neat kid so that makes it really hard to be ticked at her for all this growing.  Alas.

4. Some times they ask me for something or to do something and they make these faces.  They legitimately think it will work…that they can sway me with those faces and posture.  Sometimes I exchange a photo for their request and all is right in the world.

5. These two + Kroger’s car cart + free cookies = true love

Go ahead boys, just take all my money forever.  I am completely smitten and hopelessly powerless against your adorable faces.

6. Hudson is such a fun and quirky kid.  He is always drawing and reading and making and building things and he is the king of handmade gifts.  I imagine he will be in some sort of engineering job when he grows up…maybe a roller coaster creator.  I feel like he would kill at this kind of job.

PS:  Crossed-legged sitters forever!

7. Solomon and Leo were upstairs in their room for quite a bit the other afternoon.  Then they appeared on the stairs together and Solomon had dressed Leo up in our Ewok costume.  It was beyond adorable and he really embraced his crazy Ewok persona.  Solomon was quite pleased with himself.

8. His kisses, well, they are the sweetest.

9. We often talk about how far Leo has already come.  He is a night-and-day different kid then when we were first together in China.  He has come insanely far in a short period of time and we are crazy proud of him.  When he goes running as fast as his skinny little twig legs can carry him to greet Josh at the door I always think about how he used to not even like Josh…didn’t want him to touch him or carry him or anything.  And while that is completely normal for a child recently adopted, their relationship feels extra sweet.  I adore watching them together.

And 10.  Because he’s always on my mind and missed beyond comprehension and I’ll never not want to share his sweet face with whoever will take a look.  Love you sweet boy!

You guys, I know I do this every single summer, but I just have to sing the wave pool’s praises.  It’s deep in my blood at this point and year after year after year they prove themselves worthy of our summer praise.

We go all the time and every single time it’s just as fun as the last and sometimes even more.  The best days are when we find friends there or Aunt Jen & Campbell join us.  The more the merrier all the time.

The kids are also insanely pumped when we ditch the packed lunches and devour all the concession stand tastiness.  There are always at least 7 of us so that can get a bit pricey if we do it every single time, so we save it for extra special feeling wave pool days.

Last week we discovered our littlest gal is now also tall enough for the big tube slides and she has felt fully empowered by this.  She goes over and over again while chatting up anyone in between her and her next turn down the slide.  She and Amon are thick as thieves on those tube slides now.  Definitely the top summer event for them so far.

People ask me a lot about why it seems empty.  We usually avoid weekends, we always try to arrive when it opens and we like to go on days with a large chance of rain.  Hahahaha.  This will usually lighten the crowd.  It always gets busier as the day moves on, but nothing that’s too much for us.

So if you’re in the area and looking for a fun outing this is your place.  Everyone is nice and the lifeguards are ON IT and it’s seriously so much fun.  And this is completely unsolicited.  I get nothing for telling people about Wave Country…they don’t even know I’m doing it…they are simply our summer jam and I love places that are diverse and fun and doing a really good job.

Head over HERE for all their details and they always have a COUPON you can print for each person going.  Hola!

It will never be waisted on me how hard and sad and painful these special holidays which line our calendars are for so many people for so many reasons.  They just will never be all sunshine and roses…they will be a mix bag of joy and sadness.  Always.  Father’s Day has felt heavy and broken and wonky to me for many many years.  Losing Everett has added to this day and it’s not even my day.

I thought about Josh Kelley over and over again and how this day would feel to him.  There is loss and paid and grief, but Josh is wit and humbleness and love.  He’s a dad who needs nothing special from us, but that just means I want to celebrate him even more.  It will also never be lost on me to have him in our lives.  He goes above and beyond every single day and nothing is off limits in fathering for him.

Josh does everything I do and more.  He works so hard for our family and then comes home and changes diapers and does laundry and bathes kiddos.  He helps keep us afloat.  He digs in deep to parenting and family and he’s here for it all…the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful.  The kids all made him cards for Father’s Day.  They drew pictures and wrote sweet words.  Harper made her card from her and Everett.  I died.  Solomon made his from he and Leo and even got Leo to scribble all on the outside of his card.  I died again.  When Josh opened Solomon’s card a $5 bill fell out that Sol had given him from his own money.  I’m completely dead.  Josh is the dad who’s worthy of his 9-year-olds $5 bill.

For Father’s Day I forced him to make some choices…like what he wanted for lunch and dinner and special dessert.  He picked donuts for the kids for breakfast.  He chose grilled hot dogs with diced onions and chips selected by the kids for lunch.  Cheetoh Paws made it into our cart and the crowd went wild.  THESE strawberry cupcakes with cream cheese icing served as dessert all day long.  And for dinner he wanted THIS roast recipe.  It’s amazing.  Try it now.

We spent a good chunk of the day at the football field with his dad watching the boys play their last flag football game of the season.  We all slurped on icees and tried to stay cool in the shade.  It was crazy hot so we we’re working overtime to keep Leo cool.  Josh ended up wrapping his head in a water soaked bandana to try and keep him cool and it was cuteness overload.

Grief is so different for each of us and everyone deals so differently as well.  I’m all about us all going to Everett’s grave together and colorful decorations and Josh, he likes some alone time there so he went solo on Father’s Day to visit Everett’s special corner of this earth.  I ran how that must have felt to him through my mind over and over again.  We just so wish our sweet boy were here with us.

It’s hard bouncing back and forth between this time last year with Everett and this time now with Leo.  Leo has brought our family so much joy and he’s been good for all of our hearts, but he is not Everett.  And we never expected him to be.  He was not Everett’s stand-in or replacement…he is our son…he is the littlest brother…to us all…including Everett.  The connection they have is beyond priceless and it’s a connection I am forever and deeply grateful for.  Knowing that Leo has been loved by Everett, gosh, I just don’t have the words.

As time moves on and these holidays and moments keep rolling in we will keep remembering and honoring even in the pain.  Nothing is completely desolate.  Nothing is completely void of joy.  There will always be good and Josh Kelley is such a gift we do not deserve.  He makes us better and once again, we find ourselves the luckiest.