Archives for September 2016

Life currently feels like a muddled roller coaster ride.  There are ups and down and turns. Moments when you feel like throwing up, moments of terror, moments of thrill and moments when you wish the ride would stop and you could make a quick exit.  Honestly, we have not been the world’s best foster parents lately.  The last few months have been crazy hard.  When people ask how it’s going I have trained myself to say the same thing each time, “The goal is still reunification and everyone’s on the same team.”  And that’s the truth…on the surface, but honestly I have had moments these last few months where I’ve whispered to myself or Josh, “I just want her to stay.”

Our littlest is a firecracker if there ever was one.  She is joy and sadness.  She is resilient and broken.  She is a 2-year-old handling all these far too big emotions for a 2-year-old to handle.  She’s confused and grieving.  She throws massive fits and brings me face-to-face with Jesus and the ugly part of myself every single day.  Going most places is just hard and the stares from strangers make me want to run and hide…or hurl curse words their way.  But this little miss is fierce, strong and so brave.  And we are madly in love with her.  Truthfully, I’d love for her to call me momma for the rest of my life.

I openly admit I have not got this life all together.  You guys, I’m a disaster.  I make so many mistakes every day…over and over and over again.  I get so frustrated and angry and down.  Our kids are turning into our best accountability partners.  The other day during our littlest’s 92nd meltdown of the day I said flippantly “I am so tired of this.  She’s just mad at the world.”  To which Hudson said so gently, “Mom, do you think she just misses her parents?”  Gut Punch.  Yes, Hudson, you are correct.  This is the back and forth I do day in and day out.  I am overcome with compassion and love because we are all the same…sinners in need of grace, love and redemption by the one and only true God who can dole it out.  None of us more deserving than the other.  Everyone in the same boat.  And in the same breath I am annoyed and put out and done, wanting to extend zero grace.  I need Jesus and forgiveness every dang day.

Here’s what I’ve done:  The last few months when things got busy and life got loud those whispers of “I just want her to stay” clouded my judgment and compassion and empathy.  It made it easier to send fewer texts and to extend fewer invites to the park or lunch.  I chose selfishness instead of love.  I chose my wants and desires over choosing what was right.  God has shown up right in my face these past few weeks to remind me of our purpose in this life…our purpose in this journey that is just a vapor…to love Him and to love others all for His glory.  As we sang in church Sunday night “This is real love” I peered over at our littlest nestled in her momma’s arms and knew God had gotten my attention yet again.  He narrowed us in.  Reigned in our hearts and started helping us kick our selfish motives to the curb.  He nudged us in the direction of fighting the good fight yet again.

I watched our littlest pulling on her clothes the other day all adorable in her big girl panties because she is legit potty trained now.  I thought how her momma had missed out on all these days…over 20 months to be exact.  Immediately I started to cry because I feel her loss as I am currently missing out on each day that passes while our little boy waits in China.  Some nights I am absolutely ravished by the time we have missed together and just sob.  It takes my breath away in the worst kind of way.  This is new for us in adoption…Solomon and Amon were both babies…our little guy is 3.  More than 3 years we’ve missed.  I wonder how God will gap the time…how God will fill the spaces…how God will mend and renew and bond us tight.  I know God is using this to remind me of the loss our littlest’s momma feels.  To draw yet another parallel between the two of us because there are so many.  We both need God to do what only He can.  We need Him to dump buckets of grace over our heads and scoop us up in His loving and gracious arms yet again.   I need her and she needs me.  We need each other.

We’re not perfect.  I’ll never tell you we are.  I hope I’m always screaming God’s redemptive ways from the roof tops.  I hope I always choose truth even when it’s crazy hard.  I hope I’m always rolling around in His grace like a kid making snow angels.  I hope He’s always reminding me of His purpose and how giant His love is and how giant He expects my love to be for Him and others.  I hope He never stops pursuing my messed up self and allowing me to see myself in those around me.

Well it’s Tuesday!  Can we just go back to the weekend?!?!?!  Weekends are my jam lately because I pretty much hate the kids’ homework…I might revolt 🙂  and our weekly schedules are a bit whacky right now.  Also I’m playing major foster care paperwork and training catch up.  We went so hard, so fast and we’re so time consumed with our adoption paperwork/homestudies/dossier I completely set aside our foster care paperwork and training.  Ahhhhhh!  Not our best, most responsible move.  Yikes.  So now we’re feeling it, but everyone will survive and in the end no one will perish and the world will still spin.  I keep needing that perspective reminder.

Some of my favorite things as of late:

Tennessee skies have been killing it always.  Our Kroger parking lot is the perfect place to snag a sky pic.

Josh Kelley coaches a Full Count high school fall league team each year and it’s one of our favorites.  The kids and I head out after Harper’s soccer game each Saturday to cheer the guys on.  When high school boys talk to my boys and give them fist bumps and high fives and kid around with them it MAKES THEIR DAY…and mine too!!!  And gas station icees and bags of chips are usually in the mix.

I went into our bedroom and almost tripped over this:

It’s so rare to find him sleeping in random places anymore I just wanted to bottle him up.  Made my Sunday!

Books, books and more books.  We try to go to the library once a week plus our library has an amazing app so we have been quite the readers lately.  It will get really quiet in our house all of a sudden and I immediately think someone has killed someone or someone or some group of children are doing things they should not be, BUT sometimes I look around and notice they are just reading.  And I smile giant!

I love our community.  I love our school and library.  Harper and I are already planning on walking to middle school each day next year since it’s just a few blocks away.

Sidenote:  SHE WILL BE IN MIDDLE SCHOOL NEXT YEAR!!!!  Excuse me while I die.  End sidenote.

Every September we have such a fun arts festival for the community.  It’s free, a blast and it’s on our street so we just walk down, enjoy and walk back home.  Win,win.  It was a perfect part of our Saturday.

Our littlest became quite smitten with a shipping box last week.  It was hilarious.  While one of our social workers was visiting she got in it and had Amon try and close the box up.  I had to disclose that this was new and that we do not put her in boxes 🙂  We laughed.  Plus, she’s going to be an ewok for Halloween so she’s been wearing her costume like crazy.  What’s better than a small cutie in a box…an ewok in a box.

 Amon and Solomon are playing fall ball this year.  Amon had a game last night and I teared up sooooo many times it was ridiculous.  He was just so happy and so thrilled to be playing and I kept thinking about his little warrior heart and our next little heart warrior.  And it was just too much for this momma in the best way.  I was feeling all the gratitude last night for our little wild tribe.

God keeps meeting me right where I need to be met in His word.  I’ve had some trouble sleeping thanks to bad teeth and a heart overcome with our next son.  God keeps reminding me He is with both of us despite the two of us not being together.  One day my eyes will meet our son’s face in person and I will be physically close to him.  Right now I’m having to trust that the Lord is with him even when I cannot be.

And Noonday Collection always!!!  Still have my gift card.  Still salivating over the Marais Bag for fall.  Don’t forget we’ve got an adoption Noonday party coming up Sunday, September 25th from 2-4 at our house.  There will be snacks and food and laughter.  All our welcome.  Bring a friend or 2 or 3 or a whole car full.  The more the merrier is my motto.

Rebecca will be here with all her samples and sharing all all about Noonday.  PLUS on top of making your purchases count toward bigger and global things…like partnering with women and families around the world…20% of sales will go directly towards our adoption fees.  Woo-freakin-hoo!!!

If you can’t make the party, no worries.  You can still partner with us and make your purchases count by heading over HERE and placing your order in our online show.  You can order now and items will be shipped to you.  Just be sure in the right sidebar at check out that Rebecca Daniels is listed as your ambassador and Laura Kelley as your hostess.  And please feel free to spread the word and share our show link.

Hope your week is off to a fantastic start.  See you tomorrow!

Happy Tuesday.

Here’s what I know…God is good and He uses His people…and we know some crazy kind people.  Like crazy crazy kind.  I have been spinning all the ways people are helping and offering to help and all the different ways we have to raise money to help fund this adoption in such a short time through my head.  And it makes me cry…not out of fear or anxiousness, but out of gratitude and humbleness.  I seriously cannot get over it.

We now have an on going list on our chalkboard to help keep everything straight…our gofundme, my shop, Bible journaling class schedule, our Noonday party date, grants received, donations, Nothing Bundt Cake week dates, stationary launch and now we’re adding the sweetest panda tees to the list.  We just know some good people who are doing really loving and kind things on behalf of our boy and our family and again I’m left with feeling like thank you just isn’t quite enough.

Marcie, Nick and Meagan of Sasquatch Design Society are at it again.  They took on the huge task of our Ngungwane tees and are now offering up their business, skillz, time and expertise yet again, but this time on behalf of our family.  They designed and are printing the sweetest tees in all the land just for us.  A lovely little panda with Romans 12:9-12:

“Love from the center of who you are.  Be cheerfully expectant.  Don’t quit in hard times; Pray all the harder.”

YES!!!!  Let me cry a little more.

Here’s how this will go down:

We are doing a PRE-ORDER for tees for 2 weeks.  Head over to MY SHOP for more details and to place your order.  We’ve got youth and adult sizes.  Think Christmas party people.  I’ll be tracking orders for 2 weeks and then printing and shipping will begin.  **Please note these tees will not ship right away like the key fobs sets have been.**  I have been a shipping machine getting key fobs out ASAP, but the tees will be different since we are doing a preorder as to not over print and then have a ton of tees just sitting around.  Thank you in advance for your patience!

Even if you are not interested in a tee, but come on they’re freakin’ adorable 🙂 you can always help us just by spreading the word.  Take to the internet and your social media…email, text, blog, tweet, instagram, Facebook, Pinterest etc and share MY SHOP LINK www.pitterpatterart.bigcartel.com  This would be a massive help to us.

The Sasquatch team are yet again offering up their services with the most gracious and generous love and our family is beyond grateful.  God just continues to blow us away time after time after time. Now let’s all order panda tees 🙂

Happiest of Fridays indeed.

Let’s just all pause for a moment and sit in awe of my title creativity for this post before moving on.  Be amazed.

I specifically remember the day some dear friends of ours dad died.  I remember itty bitty Harper, Hudson and Solomon and how we stopped right there on the sidewalk outside of TJ Maxx and Joanns to pray.  At that point I had never been drastically affected by death.  I had lost some loved ones, but I had never fully felt the sting of death before.  I remember driving with my friend Jess over to see Courtney and I felt something so different in this tragedy.  I told Jess as we drove, “This needs to be different.  We need to handle this so differently than anything before.”  My mom died just 3 months later and I instantly knew God had been preparing my heart.  He’d been working on me for a loss I never saw coming.

Death, grief and loss have drastically changed me and I now stand in a place where I can see the good.  Where I can see God’s goodness along the entire rocky, rough path.  I can see His light and love.  I can see His mercy and grace.  I can see what a mess and disaster I was and how He ever so slowly nudged, moved and carried me from point A to point B to point C and so on.  I can see it now, but I couldn’t always.  It was a massive process.  Definitely in the top 3 hardest things I’ve ever had to do.  There was no rule book.  There never is.  It’s such a personal unique process.

When someone in our lives loses someone now I instantly am taken right back to those dark, hard days.  I can immediately think about all those wild, surreal moments like the first time I realized everyone was going to leave after the funeral and go back to their lives.  It made me physically sick and I begged people to stay and not to leave like a 3-year-old.  The first time I saw her body and how I touched her and laid on her chest and applied lipstick because it just wasn’t bright enough for the Sandra Hall I knew.  The first time I had to go into Mom’s house alone.  The first time I did something weird like call her cell phone and leave a sobbing message begging her to come back.  The first time I felt the hot anger race through my body on her behalf.  The first time I literally just wanted to punch someone for giving me yet another book on death.  The first time I realized it had been an entire year since her death and I still didn’t feel better…I was pissed I hadn’t progressed more than I had.

Death and loss made me do things I normally wouldn’t do.  They made me feel isolated and weird.  I was someone I had never been before and it was incredibly hard to figure out.  I was angry.  I’m still carrying around a cussing habit from those days.  I blame you Mom 🙂  I ate my emotions.  I was sad and the world certainly owed me something because of my pain and the loss I suffered.  I was not fun to be around.  I didn’t like many people.  And I felt like I was never going to escape the madness, but then one day I woke up and without fully recognizing it I was a little better.  And ever so slowly and gently God set to work healing, renewing and restoring me.  He’d been working all along.

Here’s what I actually love about losing Mom, I now understand loss from my own personal journey and can let someone else who has suffered a loss know they are not alone.  We don’t have to have all the answers.  We don’t have to say something wise or life altering.  My go to line when someone loses a loved one “THIS SUCKS AND IM SORRY!!!!!!” because it just does.

Many people around us have suffered loss including our friends Ashley and Jeremy.  A while back Ashley sat in our living room for hours.  We cried.  She talked.  I listened and told her stories from my grief.  Grief can make you do, say and think weird, crazy things.  It just changes you. People need to know they are not solo and there is certainly nothing wrong with them.  I remember being so dangerously sad and on top of that feeling so crazy weird, but Courtney was always there to say, “Yep. Me too.”  It’s nice to know you’re not the only one who has laid face down on your mother’s grave while sobbing over rice krispy treats.  You’re already so sad, so being sad, lonely and weird is the freakin’ pits.  If all I ever do is tell other people who have suffered loss all my crazy, weird, raging and “not-moments-I’m-proud-of” stories just so they know they are not alone in this mess, then so be it.  There is always beauty in the ashes and knowing how to extend a hand to someone who feels like they are drowning because you’ve felt a similar pain is one of them.

 Some of you are all “what about the cake?”  So death gives you a weird bond to people as well.  You’re now in this club you didn’t ask to join, but we rally around each other and care for each other.  That brings me to the cake…death talk and cake…my kind of post.

Ashley’s Mom after losing her husband eventually was just tired of being sad and wanted to add joy back into the world through the most heavenly bakery called Nothing Bundt Cakes.  If you didn’t pick up on it, it’s an entire bakery devoted to bundt cakes and they are insane!!!!!  I’m pretty picky when it comes to my baked goods so you know I wouldn’t steer you wrong…these little cakes are incredible you guys.  My SIL Jen brought over 4 for one of our game nights and I literally almost died.  I don’t even like desserts with fruit in them and I salivated over the white chocolate raspberry.  We were suppose to “share” the cakes with everyone and I might have eaten almost the entire strawberry cream cheese one BY MYSELF.  I kept talking about it all night.

Soooooooo, once we announced our adoption for our sweet little guy Ashely sent me the sweetest text that made me sob.  Like sob sob.  I told her I really wanted to take a selfie of what a mess I was because it was that legit, but I refrained.  Anyways, Ashley talked with her mom and she decided to give 10% of an entire week at her store to our adoption fund.  AN ENTIRE FLIPPIN WEEK.  I told Ashley it was like our perfect fundraiser.  CAKE!  Match made in heaven.

This couldn’t get much easier on our part.  Here’s how it works:

1.  Mark your calendar for September 26th – October 1.

2.  Go to the Nothing Bundt Cake store in Hendersonville, Tennessee.

3.  Buy cake.  You don’t even have to eat said cake…you could give it to me and I will eat it for you.

4.  Our family get’s 10% of your purchase to help fund our adoption.

That’s it.  The end.  You don’t even have to mention our name or anything.  It’s crazy kind and sweet and I literally just want to kiss Ms. Pam and Ashley’s faces off.

I still get teary when I think about this because Ms. Pam is sharing with us what she has and loves and does every day.  It’s thoughtful, kind, loving, crazy generous and it blows us away.  So mark your calendars for September 26th – October 1 and let’s all eat the crap out of some cake for an entire week!!!

Happy Wednesday!

**all photos are straight from the inter webs via the google**

So how was your Labor Day weekend???  I know it’s Wednesday, but I hope it was decent…as in it contained sunshine and cookies.  Our long weekend was drawn out even longer with our kids being out of school yesterday for teacher inservice.  So today it feels good for everyone to head back to school and to have some alone time lined up.

Last weekend was the wave pool’s official last weekend.  They closed their doors Monday evening and won’t open again until next summer.  We all lamented a bit.  So we soaked in those rays and waves on Saturday and Monday.  Crazy fun as always.  It’s just simply one of our favorite places.

I also made up more key fobs.  As in like 150 of them.  Ha.  Tons of new and fun fabrics and they are all posted in MY SHOP for sale.  We’re working hard on our funds to bring our new little guy home.  We also got a 4K grant for our adoption which is awesome and I’ve got a crazy fun fundraiser to tell you about tomorrow…like I’m not sure there’s a better suited fundraiser for our family.  Think cake.  I hope I never ever ever get over God’s goodness and the way He loves on us through His people.  Ever.

If you placed a custom order, I am setting to work today.

If you purchased key fob sets yesterday I will have them shipped tomorrow morning.  All other key fob sets purchased last week have already shipped.

My envelopes arrived yesterday for my stationary sets so working on getting those photographed and in MY SHOP as well.

It’s going to be a really great day you guys.  I can just feel it.

Happy Wednesday!

Well it’s Friday and this girl is super pumped for the long weekend.  Also I have 2 really important things to share today.  I’ll start with the most important.

#1  I got a mouth guard.  I text this amazingly beautiful picture to some friends this morning and told them I was bringing sexy back.  Yeah!  Oh, Justin.  Anyways, I have apparently formed quite the nasty habit of clenching my teach in my sleep due to stress.  Stress?  Who me?  Sigh.  I apparently clench my teeth so tight that my self diagnosed root canal was actually a crown that needed to be adjusted and my clenching of teeth made my teeth hurt that bad.  I don’t even want to tell you how many times I’ve been to the dentist since July.  Dental anxiety is officially my middle name.  Laura Dental Anxiety Kelley.  I will surely perish sitting in the dental chair.  Alas.  Feel free to make this your 2016 Christmas card.

And #2:  Stationary is in the house.  I am pretty excited about these and will have them in MY SHOP just as soon as my envelopes arrive.  Crazy excited about this opportunity.  Again, all money will go towards our adoption process.

The printer actually botched my 4th set and I don’t think they are going to fix them which is a bummer, but I might throw them in the shop for cheap.  I was disappointed, but I’m learning to let go and move on.  We’ve got bigger fish to fry.  Amiright?! 🙂

Hope your weekend is stellar.  Soak it up.

Happy Friday.

*My sweet consumption might be semi out of control lately.  I blame things like the dairy free Oreos ALWAYS IN OUR HOUSE and the pumpkin caramel corn treats which jumped into my basket at Kroger and dang you almond coconut Bark Thins!!!!  It’s a prob.  I always tell myself I am counteracting all the sugar with the green smoothies, but let’s be real 🙂  There is hope though come day after Labor Day…getting back on track with my food with some accountability from friends. This is always the best for me.

*Anyone else love, love, love to have clothes right out of the dryer dumped on top of them?  No?  Just me and Amon?  This was one of my most favorite things my Mom would do.

*There are 2 sets of key fobs still up for grabs in MY SHOP.  We went to the drive-in last weekend and I knocked out a ton of key fobs…which you guys all so graciously bought right up.  Harper stood for a little bit and helped me.  She is beyond excited about little brother coming home.  She often has new name ideas for us.  Top of her list is Han…as in…Han Solo.

*We hit up the wave pool one last time on Sunday.  We made it our farewell to summer and yet, I’m already thinking we should try and go back this weekend like a for real serious ONE LAST TIME because they close for the season on Monday.  Insert sad face crying emoji.  I mean, it’s our last chance.

*Huddy asked if he could take some pictures with my phone the other day.  I now have appoximately 215 photos of knock knock jokes.

*Harper has been a cooking machine lately.  Any chance she gets she’s right there in the mix taking on any recipe I’ll let her.  She is pretty much a full on pro at pancakes.  Littlest loves to get in on the action as well.

*If you let your child come to our house just know they are in absolute, totally capable and safe hands.  Scouts honor.  Every time I look at this picture I full on chuckle.  #thekelleysareresponsibleandsafe

*To further prove we are a safe environment for others to visit I introduce exhibit B:

They will not take your lunch money or be your 90s grunge band’s perfect album cover or lure you into their gang or cut you in a dark alley.  Again, scouts honor.

*And Genesis has been crazy tough on my brain.  I have been creeping through it ever so slowly due to my straight up “I do not know or understand what is happening”.  The stories are crazy.  The people are even crazier.  And I have to read multiple translations plus numerous commentary for each small section of verses to get a grasp on what is taking place.  I am floored how even in all the confusion this book has actually been just what I needed to read during this season and yet again, I sit and just think “Wow, God. Just wow.”

If you’d like to take my Online Bible Journaling class just CLICK HERE and make your purchase.  All the money goes directly towards our adoption fees.

Tomorrow is Friday you guys.  The weekend is upon us.  Happy Thursday.