Lately my mind has been overwhelmed with wrestling different thoughts and ideas.  Don’t you wish God wrote out His desires clean and clear in the sky…that there was no questioning or trying to figure out…that you just knew exactly what He wanted.  My heart is stewing big time and I’m having a hard time putting it to sleep at night.  Sometimes I feel like you can look at a subject from a million different directions and still not know what to do…or the right or the wrong…or maybe there is some gray areas every now and then.

We want our kids to know about injustice and I want them to be world changers and not entitled and I want them to care for others and love God passionately.  How do we go about teaching them and training them in this way?  What are God’s deep desires in this area for His children?  I want to enable them when ideas pour into their little minds.  Harper recently decided she wanted to help with a project we’re going to start soon to help raise money to purchase tables and chairs for Ngungwane…our care point in Swaziland.  I laid in bed and listened as she emptied her thoughts out onto my listening ears.  I really liked what I heard and I encouraged her to think about her talents and how God could use her.  She decided she would make art 🙂 Of course she did.  So we’re working on that.  We want our kids to know without any doubt that God can use them…at any age…in any place…however He wants.

I’m wrestling hard with Proverbs 30:7-9.  So many big swirling thoughts.

“Two things I ask of you, Lord;
    do not refuse me before I die:
Keep falsehood and lies far from me;
    give me neither poverty nor riches,
    but give me only my daily bread.
Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you
    and say, ‘Who is the Lord?’
Or I may become poor and steal,
    and so dishonor the name of my God.”

Desires are growing deeper and deeper that we must “go”.  I am hopeful I will make it back to Africa this year and maybe even a few other places.  How put out would you be if I called you up and asked you to watch 4 small children for an entire week?  What if I brought snacks?  And maybe a Kroger gift card?  Would you prefer cash instead?  What about cookies?  And maybe an entire gated area to put Amon in?  Would that make it easier for you to even consider our request 🙂

I have craft classes Friday and Saturday this week and as I prepare I find my heart stirring about what could come of these.  What could God do with a small group of random women crafting for a few hours each week?  What could He do with me…if I were completely willing and ready to give on so many different levels?  What could He do?  And the anticipation rises fast and hard and my heart swells just a little bit more.

And I’m reading this book and and holy crap.  Talk about wrestling thoughts…this book in insanely good and I just started it.  It has one of the best descriptions of grief I’ve ever heard…that when you lose someone who so deeply impacted your every single day life, it’s like you’ve been crippled.  You will learn to walk again, but you will always have a limp.  It also talks about so many other challenging things…things that make you want to change and move and act and that simply make you think…and hard.  So far…I highly recommend it.  I may have just purchased more copies to give away.

I know God is always working and moving.  I know He’s always leading us and stirring our hearts to love Him and others.  I know sometimes He just wants us to make a choice and act…to take a chance on Him and faith.

Happy Wednesday.


  1. You’re clearly doing a great job teaching your kiddos about God’s purpose for them if Harper comes up with things like that on her own! And some of the hardest and yet, best, times in my relationship with God is when I’m wrestling. I’m thankful that He knows me and that my wrestling is my human-ness intersecting with His will and that it is okay. Prayers for you during all of this! Prayers for your YES… whatever that looks like.
    And your 4 kiddos are ALWAYS welcome here! My girl would die for 4 fun playmates!!!

  2. Laura, I think we all struggle from time to time (if not more often) with what do you want me to be, God? I know I do. I struggle with raising my kids and mine are 17 and 14…have I done enough? (because it never feels that way) are they “getting it”? (most days I feel overcome with doubt). I don’t have the answers, but I keep God busy listening to all my long chats as I pepper Him with questions! I believe your heart is stirring for a reason! 🙂 As for the grief, I have always told people who have asked me about losing a child (or loved one), it is like losing your arm. At first the grief is so painful and unbearable you want to die. Then gradually, it gets more manageable. And it’s not like you wake up one day and it is all gone. Your life most certainly, is forever changed. You just have to learn to live in a new way. And you never forget it’s (your loved one) is not there. Hugs to you! And good luck with your craft night this weekend! xxoo

  3. Gurlfriend, you GO!!! Your opening paragraph is exactly where I am right now. I’d do exactly what God’s will is, if only I knew it! The questioning, the wondering, UGH! I love you!

  4. You go in the direction he is pulling you. It’s gotten you a pretty sweet life so far! And your 4 are welcome at my house anytime…:)

  5. I can’t open the book you mention. What’s the title? Soooo curious to know. 🙂

  6. i’ve missed you the last couple days…so i’ve been praying for you. sounds like things are swirling now, but they will settle into His will. just you wait.

    and i’ll gladly take your kids. i’m not even kidding. in a heartbeat. my girls would LOVE crafting with Harper. and i have 3 little boys that would welcome your crazy boys with open arms. we’re 10 min from Dulles airport (near DC) – just fly in on your way to whereever and we’ll come grab them!! NOT even kidding.

  7. Susan Mello says:

    Im in California, but…I would come to your house to take care of those sweet kids for you! Truly…..
    PS Just has to be in the summer!!

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