Today has been one of those days chock-full of grief. I’m still no expert on the subject…still finding my way through it and even though I’ve past the year mark since Mom died, it feels so very very fresh all the time. Days like today, I just say to myself, “I just want her back.” No in depth thoughts or mind blowing revelations, nope…I simply just want my mom back.
And even though it has taken me a while to find the blessings in her death…the kindred friendship that was formed, the strong bond between two grieving families, the understanding that in deep grief you can still love on and bless others…the greatest blessing was that Jesus became more real to me than ever before and heaven became a tangible place…not one of fairytaleness, but a real live place. More than ever I am grasping the fact that we are not home. This earth is not it…heaven awaits and even more than heaven, Jesus awaits. The things of this world are so very, very temporary. I can remember talking about heaven with Mom as a kid and telling her I hoped there would be marshmallows and asking if there would be. She said, “I don’t know if there will be marshmallows or not, but you won’t need them, you’ll have Jesus.” And so today I am thinking on heavenly things…and remembering in my heart of hearts, this is not our home.
“For this world is not our home; we are looking forward to our city in heaven, which is yet to come. With Jesus’ help, let us continually offer our sacrifice of praise to God by proclaiming the glory of his name.” Hebrews 13:14-15
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Steven Curtis Chapman has a song called “Not Home Yet.” Super good stuff!
Bless your heart.
My heart hurts for you when I read this post. And I hurt because I understand. Please know you are not alone – as if you didn’t already 🙂 – you are lifted up and adored.
I am so sorry, so, so sorry. But I am so thankful you had that deep abiding love for your mother. I never had that, and never will. So you were blessed in more ways than many.
Peace be with you.
Laura,
I wanted to share this:
“Oh blessed axe of sorrow that cuts a pathway to my God by chopping down the tall trees of human comfort.” -Spurgeon
You are on the right path and God’s comfort paves the way. People walk along that same path and are able to come to God through your sorrow. Thank you for not wasting this trial and always fixing your eyes on Jesus. What Satan intended to ruin you, you battle and continue to grow and come closer to Him.
Praying your family.
so true. death. cancer. orphans. slavery.
all those things make me long for home more than ever.
I NEED and want this piece. Is it for sale? I have had that special feeling about heaven ever since we lost our 16 year old son suddenly on
The soccer field. I often tell people that with my precious daughter (also a Laura still here, I feel as if I have one foot in heaven and one still on earth!
Mrs. Beasley…if I’m not mistaken, I went to school with your Laura at Davidson Academy during middle school. And I remember when your son passed…so very sorry for your loss. I can only imagine. And I hate to disappoint, but this piece is not for sale…I’m actually keeping this one to remind myself of His promises.
I love the relationship you & your Mom have. That marshmallow question and then the response was incredible. Your Mama loved you so much! She taught you well and raised you to be an inspiration to others. She did a great job! But, I ache, my heart hurts, because, you hurt. There is nothing to say to relieve the pain you feel. But, I am so happy that you Know that you will be with her again. So many days I find myself asking Jesus to, “Come…take us Home”. Until He does, I try to draw nearer to Him. I will pray that you will find something to help you ease the pain. Know that you are loved.
I pray that the conversations I have with my 5 year old daughter about Heaven and Jesus will stick to her heart the way your moms answers did with you. And there that memory is to comfort you right when you needed it. Awwwww. Thank you for posting this today, I read it at the precise moment that I needed to be reminded that this world is not my home. Thank you so much.
Laura,
We are praying for you and your family!
We love you!
Rusty and Ellen
Laura, I share your pain. I’ve lost my Mom too and some days it just hurts so bad. Know that you’re not alone. Wrapping you in warm hugs. Bekah
I love this so much!
This has been the song in my heart lately too! Just losing our dear aunt to the horrible struggle to brain, lung, and liver cancer, it becomes all too real to me too! Praise the Lord she too rests in the arms of Jesus today 🙂
My birthday is coming soon and I think when you find time to start making and selling again– I’ve found what I want to ask for 🙂 Beautifully said and the message I want my 3 to ALWAYS remember! Marshmallows, stuffed animals, super heros — NOT necessary in HEAVEN– just our sweet Jesus!