The list is long…the things I am anxious about these days.  So very, very long.  If I listed it all out this would be more like a book rather than a blog post.  We are trying to milk the last of summer for everything it’s worth, but I’m battling keeping my joy real, rather than just faking it for my kids.  I’m battling finding my joy in this anxious part of life.  I’m not the best at quickly remembering I’m not made to carry worry or anxiety…I’m not the best at handing it over to God immediately.  It seems every time I’m in this type of season I run wild with trying to fix everything and find all the answers myself.  I just put all 4 Kelleys down for a nap or quiet time and I felt overwhelmed…covered up in my anxiousness.  I sat here for a moment and thought about all that is weighing so heavy on my heart right now, then I looked at my To-Do list and then I kind of wanted to curl up in the fetal position in the corner and rock myself.  Then God nailed my heart to the floor.

Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV)

⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

I’m kind of funny about scripture.  I always like to look at the one gazillion different versions.  I dig the NIV, but love the contemporary realness of The Message too.

Philippians 4:6-7 (The Message)

I had another post about adoption ready for today and then…I woke up.

I am totally one of those people who gets completely overwhelmed by the stupidest stuff…this morning I would have easily used another word in place of “stuff” 🙂 When I walked in the house after taking Harper to school, the anxiety and worry and the overwhelmingness just started to pour in.  Satan was really loving it and I just let him have his way.  There was a sink full of dishes, piles and piles of dirty clothes, someone had tracked dirty little foot prints all over the kitchen floor, Amon was eating leftover Mexican food that was covering the floor under our kitchen table, orders were staring me in the face, dinner needed to be planned, etc, etc, etc.  On top of that, parts of our life right now are just worrisome for me…so throw in a mind full of worry too.  Then it began to rain.  It was a nasty little storm and a small leak in our roof we’ve had, got worse and that leak is what pushed me over the “do the big ugly cry in your bedroom floor” edge.  I was done.  I was too overwhelmed and the worry was too much.

Then God was all like, “Who do you think you are pitching this ginormous fit?  And who do you think I am?”  My mind immediately raced back to a question someone had posted on my instagram feed this morning on a picture from last week.  I have a sparrow tattooed on one of my forearms and someone asked if there was a significance to it.  My mom was the queen of worry.  I always told her I wanted to be just like her, but I did not want any part of her worriness.  That sounds a bit bad, but she worried hard.  She loved the places in the Bible that talk about God caring for the birds of the air.  The last art piece I made her was a “His eye is on the Sparrow” canvas.  She worked really hard on letting God have her worries.

As I’m sitting there full of worry and crying my eyes out over very small and trivial things, God brought that verse racing back to my mind.  And I felt like a fool…a big, sinful fool.  I have a choice each day.  I can let Satan have his way and enjoy stressing me out and pushing me over all kinds of edges and pitching a fit or I can let all the worry go and let all those small things go and remember I am not made to carry any of that crap.  Do not worry…God cares even for the birds of the air…And how much more valuable I am than birds!  I love the exclamation mark at the end of the verse.  God’s all like…boom…I really mean this.

So I got up and made some choices.  First off, I wrote the scripture on our chalkboard because I wanted to visually see it.  Then I picked two things from the list of overwhelming things, I thought would make me feel a bit better.  I chose to sweep the floors and to start some laundry in the washing machine.  The boys separated the clothes for me, while I swept in the kitchen and dining room and spot cleaned the crazy foot prints off the kitchen floor.

Laura Kelley Fun Fact #231:  I only divide clothes in to two piles…adult clothes and kid clothes 🙂 I wash my colors and whites together.  Everything gets washed on cold.  And sometimes If I’m feeling extra snazzy I’ll wash all the towels together on hot.  My mom would be hanging her head in disappointment right now.

SIDE NOTE:  We should never be allowed a big house…ever.  It will be dirty and gross.  1300 sq. ft. is puh-lenty.

I also decided we would do breakfast for dinner.  Zero prep, easy and quick.

Then I sat down and thought of some people in my life who could use a little encouraging note.  One of the greatest things I learned from Mom’s death was even when you don’t know what to do for yourself, you can always do for others.  So I wrote a few encouraging notes, addressed and stamped them and placed them in our mailbox.  I was feeling so much better already.

Then I did something really good for me.  I put Amon down for a nap and got me and the boys a snack.

SIDE NOTE:  Please tell me someone out there knows if these snacks are really “good for you” snacks.  Please say they are because they are both highly delicious.

This might be the moment when some of you are thinking I sat down and played and enjoyed Huddy and Sol and soaked up their little boyness and reveled in being a mom.  Well, you would be wrong.  People tell me all the time, enjoy these days because they will be gone before you know it.  I know they will.  I pretty much hate Time all the time.  He is stealing all of my babies, but I have to keep myself sane sometimes too…can I get an amen?!?!  So after the snacks were dumped into bowls, I put on a movie and I made some art.

SIDE NOTE and Laura Kelley Fun Fact #67:  Hoodwinked is hilarious.  So so so funny and cute.  I did an entire study in college on different children’s books that delivered a twist on a classic kids story…like Cinderalla and The Big Bad Wolf and The Three Little Pigs.  I lived on the edge in my college years…really, I was kind of lame.  I so wish Hoodwinked had been out at this time.

Creating is my escape.  It is like a full therapy session, but for free.  It clears my head and puts my hands to work.  It is just good for me and at that point in the day, I needed something that was just good for me.  It probably sounds corny and stupid, but God totally speaks to my heart when I create.  It’s usually a really special time for me and Him.  So I created and let my boys watch a movie.

Now I’m just sitting here feeling much, much better.  And I still have loads and loads of laundry to do, the sink is still piled high with dishes, the leak in our roof is still leaking and so on and so on, but I’m good.  I’m loved by the Creator of the world and I’m blessed beyond my wildest dreams.  Worry and anxiety have no place with me today.  I totally punched my bad morning in the face.

Happy Wednesday.