Today was a hard day.  I know what’s hard for one isn’t necessarily hard for another, but it was a day where I wanted to pull my hair out and rock in the corner.  Just lots of junk and a long appointment with the boys at the allergist did not go so smoothly.  Huddy and Sol were fine…Amon on the other hand…well he was a hot mess.  I think he’s verging on the crazy side…comparable to his hair.

There were several moments within the day…and I do realize it’s only 2:30pm…where I wanted to just sit down and cry…and hard…or maybe have a stiff drink.  Amon is finally napping now and the boys and I are sitting on the couch watching a Veggie Tales.  The verse that just flashed across the screen was Psalm 55:22 “Give your burdens to the Lord, and He will take care of you.”  Preach it Larry and Bob…preach it.

Aren’t we all just covered up with burdens.  I could type out a list a mile long.  I’m really hard on myself too.  I’ve found out that most woman are.  I set these impossible standards for myself and then run hard after goals and expectations which are unrealistic and unfair.  Why do I feel like I have to prove something to anybody?  Why do I feel like the world will crash and burn if certain things don’t get done?  It makes no sense when I really think about it…no sense at all.  When I set these standards for myself they get a bit heavy.  And life is already heavy on its own.  Why add more to it?  Burdens, both big and small, are too much for me and I know…I know, I know, I know…God did not create me to carry them.

I need a nap.  I’m feeling quite run down.  Nothing on my to-do list got accomplished today.  My stress and anxiety is high.  My worries are big and small and burdensome.  Dinner is no where close to being on my radar.  Stuff needs to be done.  My energy and enthusiasm are quite depleted.  Satan is most definitely having a field day with me today.  And yet God is whispering.  He’s whispering “give your burdens to Me”.  So simple, yet so hard.  I have a need to control and I’m prideful as all get out.  I don’t want to need or ask for help.  I don’t want to hand over control…I don’t like things being out of my hands.  And as I think these thoughts and type these words, I just don’t have it in me today to be stubborn.

I’m making the choice today to chill out on myself.  Solomon is snuggled up on my left side as you read this.  God is reminding me I have amazing kids.  Amon will be his happy/crazy self when he wakes up and we’ll go right back to our signing for communication…eat, please, more…repeat.  One day he will talk.  One day he will communicate in a different way.  And even if he doesn’t, that will be just fine too.  God will still be God and He will still be good.  A friend got incredible news this week about her job.  We watched baseball last night, Josh and I have a date night for tomorrow night and I get to see Ashley this weekend.  I miss Mom…I long for family, but God is teaching my heart to trust in Him…find my hope and joy and peace in Him…not people.  Our house is dirty and laundry is piled high, but I have a warm house to land in each day and clean water.  I’m trying to hit my 50 miles for running this month, but I’m exhausted and I’m thinking about just crashing tonight…and the world will still spin.  Ideas are running crazy in my head, but I might just go to bed when the Kelley kids do tonight and that will be alright.  I have lots of things to do, but I’ve decided it’s a-okay if some get put off…I need to show myself some grace.  The sun will still set tonight and rise in the morning.  There’s no time or energy to be stubborn today…I’m giving these big and small burdens to Him…the One who can really take care of it all.