Sleepless

It’s 2am as I’m typing this post and ever since I read the first thing this evening about Alton Sterling’s death I’ve been just a mess.  I’ve tried sleeping and just can’t.  If I can’t sleep I can’t even imagine how our black brothers and sisters are tonight.  I checked my phone around 1am and read about Philando Castile and sobbed into my pillow begging Jesus to come soon.  Our world is a mess.  Just a freakin mess.

I have 2 black sons and currently 1 black daughter and my heart is over this.  Do you know how many times I have thought to video tape being pulled over by police?  Zero.  The thought has never even crossed my mind and I use to get speeding tickets frequently.  That is white privilege.  It’s real.  It’s a thing.  And I have it.  And if you’re white, you’ve got it too.  And I hate that I have it, but this is our world.  People go crazy about gender neutral bathrooms and politics and a beheaded lion and yet are silent when it comes to racial issues.  People stand up for aborted babies, the homeless, hungry and poor and fight against human slavery but yet silence when it comes to blatant racial inequality for our brothers and sisters in Christ.  I know it can be uncomfortable…I get it…I really do, but we’ve got to stand together…stand for each other.  I know as a white person I don’t want to mis-step or mis-say something…I worry about this post being worded right or interpreted wrong, but I’ve learned if we say nothing we are actually saying so much.  I don’t ever want my kids to think racism of any form is okay.  Ever.

The sadness runs so crazy deep that all of our children, but especially our 3 black children will grow up in a country still littered with racism and that we need to prepare them for so many unfair and unjust things…like how to make it home alive.  Thinking about their teen years literally makes my stomach turn and beg Jesus to just equip us, equip us, equip us.  We’ve already seen how with certain friends Solomon is left out or picked on or always made to be the “bad guy” in whatever they are playing.  He sees it and it hurts his feelings.  We’ve talked to him and Hudson about how to handle those situations when we’re not around…both of them standing up and saying something.

My uncle recently sent us Zootopia which has created some new dialogues in our house.  Just this morning the kids went down a random rabbit hole of questions about prison and police officers while driving around town running errands which led to me telling them about how innocent people, especially black males, are in prison and how even black children have been shot and killed by police for no reason.  We talked about how there are lots of good police officers, but they are also human just like us which means they are also sinners just like us.  I felt like I instantly stripped a piece of innocence from them, but when faced with their questions I wanted them to know and I wanted to be truthful and gently tell them about these injustices.  I told them how I pray they have a deep sense of justice in their hearts and will always fight for what’s right and stand up for people who need them to stand along side them.  We talked about Just Mercy and how what if Mr. Bryan Stevenson had never stood up and fought for those innocent black men and boys…yes boys…who had been imprisoned.  How he was a world changer and a Christ follower.

I’ve thought about what we can do.  I’ve already found a vigil being held in Nashville for these precious lives that have been lost.  And I’ve been listening.  Listening is so key.  I am not black and if you are not black either then we will never ever fully understand the depth of pain and hurt our black brothers and sisters feel.  Ever.  Instead of saying hurtful things like #AllLivesMatter or listing out bad things a victim has done…like they deserved this…or other excuses I see thrown around on social media, we should close our mouths for a moment, pull in real close and listen tenderly.  When we listen we can learn and then we can stand along side each other.

I’ve also started a list I wanted to share with you.  These are Facebook posts and older articles about racial injustice and people’s real feelings which deserved to be heard and shook me up.

THIS is an old post, but so so excellently written about why it’s a problem to say “All Lives Matter”.  Please read the whole article…crazy good.

“It’s the same error people who respond to “Black Lives Matter” with “All Lives Matter” are making. It’s not that what they’re saying isn’t true. It’s just that it’s unhelpful. It’s an attempt to erase an actual crisis under the guise of being fair. And by continuing to use “All Lives Matter” to drown out the cry of “Black Lives Matter,” the real problems the movement is trying to address are being ignored. “All Lives Matter” is useless. It is destructive. It is hurtful. We need to stop saying it.”

THIS is an older post as well, but again so flippin good…why Jesus would be saying Black Lives Matter.

“Continually Jesus drew our attention not to loving people “in general” but to specifically caring for those we would tend to discount or condemn. Black lives matter is exactly the kind of thing Jesus would say.  Why did Jesus have this emphasis, and why should we? Because then as now, there are people who were marginalized, condemned, and shut out of the system, and the hallmark of Jesus’ mission and ministry is all about drawing our attention to them. It has to do with empathy for the “other,” for the one we would normally regard the “least.””

Grace Sandra Ward’s status HERE had me reposting as quick as I could.

“People will go a mighty long way to defend gun rights, until MAYBE a free black man has one. In that instance, he deserves to be shot down like a dog in the streets whether he’s 12 or 37, complicit or has an attitude.  We can’t accept this. If human beings can lose their marbles when a gorilla is shot or when bathrooms might become shared we can certainly demand justice for Alton & every one before him.”

I loved Jenni Chiu’s Facebook post HERE.

“Answer YES or NO:
When I step out of my front door, because of the color of my skin, I know what it’s like to feel hunted.  Yes?  No?
If you answered “no” then you are privileged. It does not make you a bad person. It does not make you a racist…But it does make you responsible.  The onus is not on a drowning person to save themselves. The onus is on the person walking by to pull them out of the water.”

I love all of this, but also so much that she asks reader’s what they can do to help and then comments herself:

“I can speak up when a friend or family member says something racist, even if it will make things “uncomfortable”. I can also find out where a vigil or a protest is happening locally and BE THERE. I can vote for and campaign for the people (even locally) who I know support racial equality. I can use my online platform to amplify the voices of my black and brown friends.”

THIS video posted by Brandi Riley was a live post initially.  It is so raw and real as she had just learned about the death of Alton Sterling.  Her words and vulnerability and the way she implores white women to say something and encourage the white men in our lives to say something too moved me to tears.  Please watch.

THIS status by Tona Ottinger…the commenter’s words…“I feel like I’m whispering into the winds of a hurricane”…just made my heart ache.  Nailed it…whispering into the winds of a hurricane…I just cannot even fathom the weight of these feelings and all they carry.

“When we whisper together in harmony it becomes a loud lament that can not be ignored.”

 I try and not be on Facebook so much, but have become a literal troll since I found out about these happenings this evening.  I don’t even know or follow the following, but rabbit holed…like my kids this morning…right into them and loved the words I read.

THIS post is from Lovelyn Palm a white momma who has an older black child and you can feel all her feelings.

Brandon Clements status HERE begins with “Black Friends: I’m so sorry…” His empathy and compassion from the beginning is beautiful and I love his truth speaking with scripture.

“The book of Galatians calls Christians to bear one anothers’ burdens, and white Christians have faltered in numerous ways to even *recognize* the burden that comes with a history of oppression and racial bias, much less seek to post up under its weight with you. Thanks for your grace and patience as many of us who inherited a culture of indifference and blind privilege slowly learn to actually listen.”

THIS post from Alia Joy Hagenbach was simply written with deep sincerity and moved my heart completely.

“That video broke every bit of my heart as I know it breaks God’s heart. Our God is a God of justice and if we belong to Him, we cannot be ok when lives are so viciously taken. We cannot be okay when the very image of God becomes a hashtag over and over. We cannot be ok to stay silent and think this does not affect us. If the body breaks, we all break. If the body weeps, we all weep. Black lives matter to God, they should matter to us.”

 And I loved how HERE in so few words Eugene Cho makes such an important and profound statement.

 I know more people will bring more wisdom and empathetic words to this heartbreaking mess and these were just collected over a few hours, but I wanted to share.  As Christ followers I hope we choose our words carefully and choose to be kind, loving, compassionate and respectful…building each other up and not tearing one another down more.  I sit here praying and praying for the morning light to bring new hope and I keep reminding myself God still reigns supreme…He is still on His throne and He is still mighty and good.