Turns out life does go on. The sun continues to rise and set, just as it did before last Sunday.
I had a dear friend who recently lost her dad tell me that after the funeral…that was the hard part.
After everyone goes back to life as it was…like they should…but you are left with the everyday grief that fades quicker for others than for yourself.
Yesterday was a week since my mom died…a week…I still can’t believe it.
And today, well today, was our first day back to life…our new normal.
Josh went to work and I spent the day with the kids and this stubborn sadness that comes and goes like a roller coaster.
My best friend Ashley and some of my aunts and cousins have phrased it like this:
Good moments “I’m up on my mountain”
Bad moments “I’ve fallen off my mountain.”
And in those bad moments they “throw me a rope.”
“You got it”
“Yes.”
“Now climb back up.”
I love good families.
So today was our new normal.
Breakfast. Honey Nut Cheerios to be exact.
Painting. Lots and lots of painting.
Scripture. Much needed scripture.
A new devotional for my kids. A gift…such a sweet, sweet gift.
Cyber Monday shopping. Not the deal I wanted…so I didn’t bite.
Harper’s craftiness. Always in full swing. Always.
A finished project. Praise God…a finished project.
Harper’s tree drawing. I’ll give you one guess as to why I loved this picture so much…A much needed laugh…for sure.
Me: What’s the big brown circle at the bottom?
Harper: The dirt clump when you plant a tree.
Makes sense, but sure does look like something other than a tree 🙂
Some compassion and love.
Therapeutic music. I’m a sucker for some good music. Coldplay’s Mylo Xyloto = just what I needed.
Play dough snowmen.
Preparing for Christmas cards.
Cousin craftiness. And lots of it.
New Christmas decor. Thank you wee Kelleys.
Old school Grinch before bed and waiting…still waiting. That sweet boy can’t get here fast enough.
Random Acts of Kindness Advent brainstorming between Josh and myself.
PINNED THIS on my Pinterest and loved it.
And late night Christmas shopping. I heart extended store hours.
3 kids, 4 nieces and 4 nephews…got to get down to business.
So that was it…our new normal. Very similar from the pictures to our old normal, but with a missing person behind the scenes.
I am reminded of my mom in almost everything…the phone ringing…she would literally call a million times a day just to chat, pieces of furniture we hunted for together, notes she wrote, buys from the flea market together, Harper’s rain jacket and even small things like laundry detergent and toilet paper she bought up and shared with us.
And so what if I listened to every message on our answering machine today to find her voice. Scored 7 messages that will never be erased. That’s normal right?
Life does go on…just in a new way and glad to be reminded that the sun does still rise and set and my Mom’s life didn’t end here. I get to see her again. That’s good to know…like real good.
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Laura, you are truly an amazing and inspiring woman. I know that is a great testament to your mom and the way she raised you. Your words bring back so many memories of the time right after my mom died on Nov. 30, three years ago. I remember feeling EXACTLY as you are feeling now–that I needed to call Mama to tell her this or ask her that. And then the reality hit me. I still do it sometimes, although much less frequently than in those early days right after. I kept her voicemail on my cell phone until this fall. I accidentally erased it, unfortunately. I would listen to it all the time. It was so comforting just to here her say “hey babe…” in that familiar voice. Right after she died I remember thinking I didn’t want the rawness of it all to fade away–I guess I just thought I didn’t want to forget every little detail of her being. Perhaps I was trying to bring her back, but as time has passed I haven’t forgotten the details of her being. I think about her everyday. I miss her everyday. I cry for her frequently, even three years later. But I’m comforted to know she is with God and she is no longer in pain. I won’t tell you that the sadness you feel from losing your mom will fade away–it doesn’t. But life will intervene and the heartache will become more manageable. And one day in the future we will all get to hug our Mamas again.
Laura, may God continue to bless you and your family richly as you keep walking forward in your “new normal.” I am so sorry for your loss.
Kelly
I don’t know you, but I just wanted to tell you that am so very sorry for your loss. My mom died in January, so I can imagine what you are feelIng. She was my best friend, and there are still moments when I forget that she’s not here any more. Like you and your mom, we talked multiple times each day. All I can tell you is that you will make it through this. I’m not promising anything easy or fast; I still think of her all day long, and I have days that are terrible, but thanks to the amazing people surrounding me, I am OK. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
I was on pinterest last night and a couple of your pins popped up. I was glad to see them 🙂
It’s funny how the new normal works! I so remember calling my Dad’s cell phone number for days…sometimes LOTS OF times in a day, just to hear his voice. It’s wonderful that you have numerous messages to save and relisten to! My how wonderful that is! I also LOVE your list! Will have to go repin it! Thanks again for getting me started on Pinterest! Will NEVER forget you helped me start!
I pray for you a lot. Stay strong sister. God loves you.
– You did a wonderful job cautirpng the intimacy of their relationship with this new little addition to their family. I can feel how much they love this little baby.
I am soo sorry about ur mom. I hadn’t seen Any posts from you lately. It took my breath away this morning when I read about your loss. My heart goes out to you. And I will be praying earnestly for you. I love your attitude and find it inspirational. In fact I m posting the scripture quote you have here. Take care. I pray God will bring you comfort and peace!! Amy
Laura~ I am so sorry to hear about your lose. Last time I read your post, she just had surgery. Wanting to let you know that my heart goes out to you and your family. I know there is a bond between a mother & daughter that is so precious. You are a mighty woman of God & through this tough time you will be able to touch many peoples lives with your faith. Doesn’t mean you don’t hurt, don’t understand, or question but at the end of the day, you know that God has a plan & you will trust in that. This is just a time you will have to take each day by each day. Please know that you all are in my prayers.
Laura – My heart dropped when I learned about your mom today. Last I knew, she’d just had her surgery. I’m so sorry- and there’s not really any other words. I lost my dad in 1997, 3 months before getting married. He was a new Christian and his death was the catalyst for a family forever changed – we had no choice but to surrender everything to Jesus- and the hope and promises only He can give. I don’t know how people get through loss without that kind of hope. praying that you can cling to His promises today.
Laura, thank you for sharing your journey here. I am so sorry that your mom is no longer here. But so thankful that you will see her again. She is probably helping Jesus build your families mansion! 🙂 I am praying for you all, including your sweet kids. I imagine they don’t fully understand. So glad you have an amazing family and friends to love you through this.
Laura, I am so sorry to come to your blog and see this. I was really praying that your mom would recover and you wouldn’t have to go through this pain. I know this pain all too well, as I lost my dad due to sudden illness almost 2 years ago. Please just know that everything you’re doing IS normal. Definitely a new normal, but normal nonetheless. I went through many of the same emotions when I lost my dad. Your situation is actually quite similar to mine… My dad got sick out of nowhere on Thanksgiving 2009. We thought he just had a really bad flu, possibly even h1n1 since that was the big scare that season. He spent a couple days in bed, and was rushed to the hospital the next Monday morning with stroke-like symptoms. Turns out, he was in septic shock and his whole body was overcome with MRSA infection. He was somewhat coherent in the ER, then they sedated him for more testing and he never regained consciousness. He died a week before Christmas. We still tried to have “normal” Christmas with the whole family, but (of course) it just didn’t feel right. I wish we’d done something else like you did for Thanksgiving! It would’ve felt so much more appropriate. I feel like I have so much to relate to you about losing a parent like that, but it seems like you’re getting through just like I did. I STILL think about my dad so often – feels like almost constantly – and in such little ways that would seem so insignificant to most people… like you said about detergent & toilet paper! I recently came across some office supplies that we’d shared (he had a small business and I was the office manager). There was an unopened pack of pens & I took one out to use. Now I think of him when I pick up that pen, sometimes with a smile & sometimes with tears. It’s funny when the grief will hit you. It still knocks the wind out of me sometimes. I don’t know if that will ever go away, but as everyone says… it does get easier to deal with. I love you’re “Waiting for you” sign, and now I totally picture your mom with one for you in Heaven.
Laura, my heart hurts for you right now. I pray that you may see glimpses of your mom daily and that you will be wrapped in loving arms by friends and family. My prayers are with you~
My heart STILL aches for you, sweet one. I know your faith is strong and that God’s comfort is all around you.
A small helpful hint… Video tape your mom’s messages. Save them to a hard drive. Brian’s mom’s to us were accidentally erased, and that was a hurt I cannot explain.
The 25 acts of kindness is such a wonderful and beautiful idea. I’m definitely going to “copy” it and come up with my own list. You and your family are an awesome reminder of what life is all about: love, kindness and gratitude. Thank you again for keeping such a real and inspiring blog 🙂
Laura, I don’t know you and I truly stumbled on this site…someone’s work…huh??? well, you are a true inspiration after going thru something like this and then thinking about others the way you do. I absolutely love your advent calendar and I think I am going to work it into a yearly list, something to do every month. You are really an inspiration. And I will be praying for you and your family through this most difficult time.