I love sweets. I like sugar and chocolate and candy and cake and ice cream and etc, etc, etc. There has rarely been a sweet treat I’ve met in my life and not liked. I’m also an emotional eater. I come by it honestly. I’m from a long line of amazing emotional eaters…it’s a gift really 🙂 There are a lot of Hall woman out there right now shaking their heads in agreeance.
I would eat sweets multiple times through out a day. It wasn’t just a treat anymore, it had become an antidote. Something that I had put stock in and hope in. Something that made my pain feel better and that WAS NOT cool with God. I joked while Amon was in the hospital how I had gained the hospital 15. All jokes aside, in our nearly month hospital stay I gained almost 10lbs.
I like food in general. I like your normal food and organic. Healthy and non-healthy. Restaurant food and fast food. I do not discriminate. Sweet, salty, and spicy. Tell me you want to get together and I’ll be the first to say, “Let’s grab breakfast/lunch/dinner.”
My friend Jess is probably one of the healthiest people I know and she doesn’t even work out. Her two famous quotes…”I think God gave us food and drink to enjoy.” and “Everything in moderation.” She buys mainly organic, but the girl will have a coke…regular, straight up coke and will also eat food that clearly is not organic…cough, cough Krystals. I love it. And God used her words to reach some problem areas in my heart.
I’ve always been my biggest critic. I think a lot of woman out there can relate to absolutely critiquing your body until there’s nothing left to critique. I come by this honestly too. My mom was her worst critic about her body. She struggled with her weight and as a child I made up a song called the “You’re Not Fat Song” to sing to her to make her feel better. Everyone thought it was cute and funny, but as I grew I saw the problem in this. In her defense, she had been in a toxic relationship that had emotionally beat her up and torn her down. She had not been loved how she needed to be loved. She had not been cherished and treated like the lovely queen God saw in her. So I got it. Her mind had been trained to only see certain things and to absolutely pick herself apart.
When I found out I was having a daughter I made a promise to her and myself that she would never hear me use the word “fat” to describe myself or anyone for that matter. I promised her and myself that she would never hear me critique my body or question it’s God designed beauty…no matter how I really felt on the inside.
So why did I break up with sweets during the week? Because God convicted my heart of the power I had given sweets in my life…that I had given food…and that I was letting my mind absolutely critique my body of every little problem area and skip completely over how purposely God had designed me…inside and out. I thought sweets would make me feel better. I thought they would make a bad day better. I thought they would provide help and comfort and God clearly said I was to run to Him for help and comfort.
So I took them out of my week. I got Ashley on board with it and we decided to give it a try for a solid 7 days and see how we fared. We ended up going 10. And we both did well. It was hard, but freeing. God started to move in my heart that week and started changing my thought process about food in general and about how I see myself in the mirror. I’m still working on it, but He is stirring in my heart still.
I agree with Jess…I think God did give us food and drink to enjoy and I do think moderation is key. I’m not the type to diet or to cut things out completely. I love the tastes of all kinds of food, especially sweets. I don’t want any of them gone forever. So after talking, Ashley and I decided to not eat sweets during the week and to just enjoy them on the weekend. We do slip up, but are accountable to each other and the accountability I have with her is so good for my heart. God has reminded me of how nothing on this earth can compare to His comfort and healing. How nothing can even come close to being held in His hands and feeling that genuine love and assurance. He has reminded me that He made me. Does He make mistakes? Nope. I was purposefully and intricately designed. I am beautiful.
Now I’m trying to put good stuff in my body and see myself in the mirror as God sees me. I’m practicing moderation and I still firmly believe baked goods can change the world. I have sun spots and wrinkles and dark circles under my eyes…oh, the dark circles (help). My thighs touch and my muffin top clearly loves me because she has been around since middle school. I have chicken wrists and love handles. But I’m coming around to not hating these things anymore and that they do not define me or make me unbeautiful. And that when I finally meet Jesus He’s not going to say “Well done my muffin-topped, chicken wristed, dark circled eyed servant.” He does not see me with those eyes. He cares about my heart. And He believes I am truly a work of His artful hands. I’m still not my biggest fan, but I’m getting there and instead of eating some jelly bellys when I’m feeling down, I am reminded that God is the God of my heart and the Creator of the universe…of course, He is going to be my greatest comfort and antidote. I’m constantly working on it, but I’m aiming to choose Him more.
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Thank you.
Love this Laura. I deal with the same issues regarding my body. Thanks so much for your openess. Now, go have a cookie!! 🙂
Thank you! I needed to hear that today (again).
I have a huge sugar problem. I like to go for 1-3 months without any sugar at all – it works better for my mental health to totally abstain. I am in no way capable of moderating – I would just obsess over what I was going to eat over the weekend ALL WEEK LONG. So I abstain. I read a post once on this that really helped me:
http://www.happiness-project.com/happiness_project/2012/10/back-by-popular-demand-are-you-an-abstainer-or-a-moderator/
Make sure you know if you are an abstainer or a moderator before you decide what to do about your sugar cravings, ESPECIALLY since you are already hard on yourself!
Me. Me. Me. And probably every woman. Laura, I am so happy you chose to write about this today – it is SO important for women to give their kids (daughters) the message that they are beautiful, perfect, and loved EXACTLY the way they are. I grew up in a family of women (my mother and her 4 sisters, and my own sister) who were all small – and by small, I mean, small-boned and thin. 5’3-5’4″ and 120 lbs, tops. Then there was me – 5’8″, 145-155 (in high school) lbs, size 10 shoe, size 9 ring, with an 8″ wrist that bracelets wouldn’t wrap around, and ankles that no commercially-made anklet would fit. All I ever heard any of them talk about was how ‘fat’ they were, and they were constantly comparing themselves to each other. A meal at the table was always interrupted by pats on their stomachs accompanied by the “I shouldn’t eat this, I’m so fat!” comments. That was in addition to the comments I heard about ME – “Her legs are so shapely, it’s a shame they’re so heavy”, “Cheryl could really be pretty if she’d only lose some weight”, and the oh-so-famous cliche we’ve all heard “She has SUCH a pretty face”. I grew up knowing I was not pretty enough, small enough, good enough. When I lost weight, my dad would slap me on the behind and tell me “you can stand to lose a few more” and my mom would pointedly ask me, in front of anyone within earshot, “What size are THOSE jeans?” Even my brother joined in. When he saw me several months after I had my second child, he looked at me, sneered, and said, “I thought you already HAD the baby!” I will never forget their comments. To this day, when my dad sees me, his first comment is usually something along the lines of “You’ve gained weight there, haven’t you kid?”
I SWORE my children would NEVER hear me say things like that – and I am not sure if I succeeded all the time, but I sure tried. They are both adults – our son is 27, and our daughter is 25, and they are beautiful, healthy and perfect just the way they are, just the way they’ve always been. Their hearts are amazing – loving, compassionate, and tender -and I adore the people they’ve become.
It’s so interesting how we see ourselves, and each other. I look at Laura and see perfection – beautiful, small, fit, and a great mom and wife and servant of God. I look at myself and see failure at every turn – even where others don’t. I battle my weight constantly, and I see myself as the largest person in the room wherever I am. I am a work in progress though, and I, like you, Laura, am working it out – just me and God – and with Him, I’m winning the battle! I only wish I’d tackled it earlier in life.
I think I am rambling, but this is one of my favorite topics to talk about – it helps me to recognize that what I see in myself is what almost every woman sees in herself – imperfection and flaws instead of perfection and beauty.
And a thank you to Jessica, for the post on abstainers/moderators. I am FOR SURE an abstainer. And I am hugely jealous of moderators! 🙂
I have followed you for over a year…maybe 2 now. Anyway I have never commented, but feel the need to now.
God had used you to speak to me also about the exact same things- as I read this I am saying me too, me too, me too, oh my are we the same person?
On a lighter note I also had a dream earlier this week where you and I fought demon possession in those on a family retreat with us (Im not crazy, just think of yourself saying this because we are that similar). I think I will stop there because I feel scary now 🙂 Just notice the connection of fighting our demons. Thanks for what you say, keep saying it!
Chelsea…you made me smile…not scary at all. And we sound pretty BA fighting demons and all 🙂
Amen my dear precious cousin, sister in the Lord. I love you.
I just read Captivating and it deals a lot with our body issues, and eating to cope. It is a beautiful book to read if you haven’t read it already. It’s a lot to process but is helping me.
I love Captivating! I’ve read it twice (once with a small group of women, which I would highly recommend) and I should read it again. So many good things that it totally stands up to multiple readings. It’s by John & Staci Eldredge.
I really enjoyed reading this and needed to hear it! Thanks for a wonderful message. I will be sharing with my family and friends!
Once again, something you have written hits home with me. But for me, it is diet coke instead of sweets. A big Route 44 can make me feel so much better. I am a serious addict. This I already know, but your post makes me really think about how I can turn to God instead of diet coke to deal with my daily stressors.
Oh Jodie…I probably need a whole separate post for my Sonic Happy Hour problems 🙂
I am an elementary school librarian. I commute and do not pass any Sonics on my morning drive, but a teacher used to bring me the $1.00 early morning special every morning last year. This year that teacher moved to another campus. Still so sad……………..
I cried.
Thank you, friend.
Thank you! I read this several years ago and it really helped me… http://www.amazon.com/Do-You-Think-Im-Beautiful/dp/0785273778
I am an emotional eater, too, and have had to cut out processed foods for my health. It it hard to not be able to eat what I want, but I try to make other things that are friendly to my new way of eating. I, like you, and trying to let God fill up the empty spaces in my heart. Not with food, clothes, shopping, etc. Only God can fill those holes and it is a life-long journey.
I also struggle with eating too much sugar. I highly recommend a program called Radiant Recovery — http://www.radiantrecovery.com/
The attraction to sugar is more than a mental thing- it is biochemical. Please check out this website for more details- it does a much better job of explaining the process.
Coming from a “Hall” who shares the same thoughts…I love this. Thanks for the encouragement.
This post is PERFECT TIMING!!! Thank you for sharing 😉
Love this! Thanks for sharing from your heart! I’ve struggled with this for years as well…well said!
I can totally relate….but is it wrong after reading your post, I just want some chocolate??? 🙂
Really cool. I actually almost skipped over this post because I don’t LOVE sweets. Just like a rare sweet every now and then. But I’m glad I read it. I am a 5’7″, 108-pound, size 4 person who has a muffin top and a poochy stomach. In college I ate ANYthing and everything I wanted and had a super flat stomach (ugh – I know). I guess I just started thinking THAT was who I was. But 3 kids (2 are twins) later, and my body is not even close to the same. I even lost 2 cup sizes after stopping nursing the twins. And the thoughts and feelings and sadness that all of this body-shifting has made me feel is making me realize how I thought about myself. It was never a conscious thing, but somehow my self-worth got all tangled up in the appearance of my body. Not necessarily in my head – I KNOW that I am a child of God and He created me – but in how I feel about it – I feel uncomfortable in this body now. It’s like I don’t even recognize myself sometimes.
Anyway – all of that to say – I am still sorting through all of this with God, but this post helped me figure it out a bit. And apparently many more, too. so thank you for that.