Parenting is hard. I really believe no matter how many chats you have with other parents or how much research you do on the Internet or how many parenting books you read, you’re never really prepared. Last weekend Courtney & Patrick did some parenting classes. Some texts were exchanged between our small group Bible study about the class and other little things and I mentioned how Josh and I never took a class…that we just wing it…and have been winging it ever since Harper arrived. It’s true. We’re figuring this whole parent thing out as we go and it’s definitely the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
After Mom died, I never could have imagined how drastically life would change. And even more, it never even crossed my mind that 15 months later we would still be helping our kids walk through their own little grief. I must have skipped that part in the parenting books. Today was one of those days when you want to load everyone into your bed and just stay there all day…just cuddle and sleep the day away. The wee Kelleys still struggle with the loss of their Grammy and it’s pretty dang hard to know what to do for them. Heck, I’m still figuring out my own grief and how to handle it. So far my go-to coping mechanisms are A) Cry and B) Eat. Yep. B sounds like a really healthy way to cope 🙂
Today was a really weepy day for Huddy and all I could do was just hug him tight and cry right along with him. It literally made me cryish the entire day. I know Huddy makes lots paper knives and axes and guns and swords, but this kid is the sweetest most tenderhearted kid ever. We call him our “spirit lifter” because he does just that, he lifts your spirits. He’s funny and kind and sweet and all little boy and he loved his Grammy madly.
When I noticed his little eyes filling with tears multiple times during the day at the most random moments and each time he just let it out and had a good cry and just explained, “I just miss Grammy.” all I could do was just smother him in love and pray over his heart. I’m thankful God is bigger than this mess and that He heals and redeems and makes whole.
Huddy then proceeded to draw and cut out lots of anchors for me throughout the day, each time saying, “Will you keep this one for forever?” Why yes I will.
And definitely my favorite picture from the day he drew me was this heart with a handle on it. He explained the anchor was for Grammy and the cross was for Jesus and the small heart was for our love. Then added, “It’s a heart with a handle, so you can carry it with you.” Needless to say, I do not hide my tears from the wee Kelleys at this point. Full blown big ugly cry.
So we pressed on and I did my best to be what he needed me to be today. We watched their TMNT movie. Ninja moves speak to their hearts.
We made Snickerdoodles. Snickerdoodles speak to their hearts too.
We ran a few errands.
Harper was bummed that Huddy got to be in the middle. He needed the middle spot today. And yes, the middle spot for pictures is highly sought after.
I restocked our treat drawer. Josh and I may have eaten the first round of Skittles and Starbursts. We are so weak.
We read a boat load of Star Wars books. And tonight I made a dinner I knew they would all love and that would result in zero complaining. I knew they all needed a dinner win and a snickerdoodle dessert. Plus, snickerdoodles are one of Huddy’s favorites.
I have no idea if I did exactly the right parenting things I was suppose to do today, but I gave it my best shot. Now I’m sitting on our couch, beyond ready for bed, and counting on tomorrow being a day filled with encouragement for Huddy. That he would feel loved and uplifted and encouraged. That his heart would be a little lighter tomorrow. And I’m thanking God for tender moments with my kids and that they remember Mom…and so much. Thanking God for a Mom and Grammy who made such a big impact on our hearts. We are incredibly blessed.
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You’re doing great. Do not even worry that you aren’t parenting correctly! Sending big ol’ hugs your way. And now I want to make snickerdoodles. 🙂
Truth is – no one really knows what they’re doing until they do it. You’re awesome. (And the tangled legs on the couch is killing me!)
You are an awesome momma! Loving your little guy the way he needed it sounds like perfect parenting to me! If such a thing even exists!
Precious! Your mom would be so proud! And as far as knowing what we are doing as parents, I think (after raising 5) that reaching their hearts is the key….and only you, as their parent, really know how to reach their hearts. Each one is so unique, made that way by God, and you have the key to their hearts, as their mama. Praying Huddy has an easier day today!
Wow…..Your day yesterday is the true statement of being an amazing parent. Whenever you start doubting yourself again, just re-read this post and you will know. You will see it through what your children do.
God Bless
You absolutely did the right parenting thing – you were in the moment with your kids, when they needed you. That’s all any of us do.
It sounds to me like your next tattoo could well be a heart with a handle on it.
Here’s praying that Huddy (and all of you) have an easier day today.
What a tender post. My heart aches for the grief. Parenting IS the hardest and most rewarding job…books can prepare you! You’re a fabulous mom! {hugs}
Oops…typo… Should say “books can not prepare you”
Thanks for sharing your life with us. You encourage me with each post.
I am so feeling for you. Losing my Dad to cancer 5 years ago was so hard. I hate that my 7 year old doesn’t remember him and that he never got to see my 5 year old. We just had a breast cancer scare with my Mom, but praise God – it was not cancer. I truly didn’t know what I would do. I have such admiration for your faith and all you do as a Mom.
Sweet Laura, you are doing a great job, it is so important to let your kids see, your grief, emotions, tears and heart. That is how they learn about life, they need to know that it is ok to have these feelings, deal with them with love and then they can move on to the next day. Tears are not a sign of weakness, as our world would suggest, there is strength in tears as well as growth. As a mom and grandmother, I know that your Mom was and is sooooooooooo proud of you. Keep up the great job that you are doing.
Wow! Praying for you, Huddy and the rest of your family. I was really hoping that you could bring me a snickerdoodle or two to class on Sat, but you won’t be there. 🙁
i am just melting here. so sorry to hear that you guys had a bad day. grief sucks.
i didn’t do the parenting classes either. my entire parenting philosophy,
“there are dumber people doing it.”
you can do it, laura kelley!!
Oh Huddy’s drawing melts my heart! Hoping today is a better day!
you are a great mama. keep filling them up with Jesus and they will be fine.
also, that picture of them with their legs together on the couch. too much! too much!
bless you girl, just keep going. B
oh man. i cried. fantastic. you are truly a fantastic mama and wife, and surely a daughter. 🙂
incredibly nice post, i certainly adore this site, keep on it
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