This morning Josh and I set out super early to get re-fingerprinted. Yep, we’ve reached the point where our paperwork and fingerprints are about to expire, so getting re-fingerprinted was necessary. It kind of hurt my heart. I know there are plenty of adoption journeys out there that have taken longer than ours, but to me, it seems like an endless process. Is the end even in site? That’s the part that sucks about letting go and trusting that God has a plan…it’s beyond my capability to understand right now & it’s hard for me to see through this crazy haze.
My head is full of a high volume of thoughts right now. When looking at the calendar, all I see our events my Mom & little boy are not going to be there for…not celebrations. I want the way I used to view life and events back…I want that normalcy and celebratory factor back. Things like Mother’s Day and Harper’s pre-k graduation and Mom’s birthday will be here before I know it and I feel like if I don’t prepare for them, then chaos in my brain and heart will take over. So I am preparing.
A big step in preparing was to finally take the big step in going to therapy. I know a lot of people don’t want to talk about the “th” word, but I’m cool with it. It was quite the experience and I may have cried like a baby before I even said the first word and had a killer cry headache afterwards, but hey, at least I took the first big step in actually going. And I even have a whole grief game plan…my friend Jessica would totally dig the charts and giant paper we used. And I have homework…really good, yet hard homework. I can see this is going to be a process, but at this point anything is better than what I feel everyday. I like that my lady is a grief specialist…I feel in good hands and she totally validated me…yes, life currently is not a piece of cake and yes, my background is a tad on the dysfunctional side…and yes, I have the right to be very, very sad currently. And she got extra points for being cool with me taking pictures 🙂
Mother’s Day is literally around the corner and that kind of makes me want to puke 🙂 I like to connect myself to my mom in different ways and had been thinking about what I wanted Mother’s Day to look like this year. I know this year is going to be very different…not having Mom, but also because our next little guy is still not home. So I decided to sign up for a Mother’s Day 5K on Mother’s Day morning. I was pretty excited first of all that I even found such a thing on Mother’s Day, but was also pumped when I talked my friend Stef into running it with me. We’re going to haul…and it will be good. I think I may even make up a special tee to rock for the race as well.
I have also been brainstorming about Mom’s birthday as well. She would have been turning 65. I’m trying to think up ways to honor and celebrate her on that day. I have considered doing 65 acts of kindness…that seems a bit daunting, but I think I could do it. If it’s up to Harper, I’m sure we’ll be the creepers at the cemetery eating cupcakes with Grammy 🙂 Good ole’ Harper…God love her and her love for her Grammy.
And speaking of dysfunctional 🙂 I saw this on Pinterest and it literally made me laugh out loud. This will be the wee Kelleys. Maybe a little dysfunctional is good for you…that’s at least, what I keep telling myself.
And just because I thought this was way cool…a reader sent me a super sweet email the other day. I didn’t ask if I could share her personal story, so I won’t, but she sent me a picture of a piece of sidewalk she passes several times a day and she said it reminds her to pray for our family. Totally awesome. Thank you so much Crystal.
Happy Thursday.
**PS: I have had several emails about not being able to pin items from my site on Pinterest…that has been fixed.
And I have been getting several emails and messages on FB about not being able to leave a comment…if you can’t leave a comment, will you shoot me an email and let me know or even a screen shot of the error message you are getting. Trying to still figure that problem out. Thanks.
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So proud of you for going to therapy!! I just recently have gone back myself. My dad has been gone nearly 10yrs now, and I still get a bit weepy every year at father’s day. Not just because I miss him, but because the year he passed, it was the morning right after Father’s Day. But for me, I have grieved….and grieved and grieved some more, but I am having the biggest issue getting over the fact that my hubby didn’t drop everything to come be with me and our kids on the day my dad died. In some ways…that hurts more than losing my dad. So I am so very proud of you! And I think it would be awesome for Harper to be able to go have a cupcake with her Grammy in the cemetery on her birthday!! She is such a very precious child!! And I loved the graphic you shared the graphic from Pinterest!! Awesome!!!
You’re gonna laugh at me, I hope. Felt so many emotions for you reading this post. Got down to the pics of Harper and your mom. All I could think was, “Look at all the Washi tape she has!” Shame on me. ;P Glad you’ve found someone to talk to and work thru this process with you, its a good thing.
Good Grief.
Kinda gives that phrase new meaning huh? That’s what we work are workin on over here. Good grief. Cause the thought of Fathers Day kinda makes ME want to puke.
Hugs
~Amber