Anyone else have one of those small toddler humans who is into EVERYTHING???? Like all they need is just a few seconds. This is Amon. He is the sweetest child, but is absolutely the busiest child as well. He’s inquisitive and goes 110% during the day until nap or until he randomly falls asleep. He’s such a crazy sweet child, but he makes me want to pull my hair right out of it’s roots. Case in point.
This morning it was approximately 8:50am. How do I know the exact time, well let me know tell you how I know. When I was a new mom I struggled getting out of the house on time. I struggled getting from point A to point B without being late. I hate being late. I hate the message it sends the person waiting on me. I never dreamed that one small baby human would make me have to relearn how to get out of the house. Then more kids came along and over time I’ve perfected our getting out of the house routine. I know exactly how long before we need to be walking out the door to give the kids the “hey get your coats and shoes on now” comment. I know exactly how long it takes us to get from the back door to the car and that it takes everyone approximately 38 seconds to get buckled. I know how long it takes us to get from point A to point B…important kid places like school and MDO and the pediatrician’s office. I know it was 8:50am because Hudson and Solomon were both standing by the back door with jackets and shoes on and their backpacks strapped on tight. They were ready to walk out the door for school.
And then I made this terrible, terrible mistake. I went to the bathroom. “Hang on guys, I’ve got to pee.” Yep, I had to pee. What a huge mistake. I should have known better than to actually empty my bladder.
You’ll have to forgive all the potty talk, but as I am peeing…like mid stream, I hear Hudson yell at the top of his lungs from the kitchen: “He’s got the eggs. He’s got the eggs.”
My immediate thought is, “I could not have heard him correctly. Who has out eggs? Sol would never and Amon can’t open the refrigerator. Maybe he said, “He’s got legs.” Yeah, I bet that was it. Funny Huddy. He’s got legs too.”
Then more yelling followed with a crashing sound…similar to that of a carton of eggs. “He dropped them. He dropped them.” This is when I realized I hadn’t given Amon enough credit and that I had heard Hudson correctly the first time. I proceeded to speed pee and get the heck out of the bathroom and back to the kitchen which is only like 20 feet away.
Then I hear, “He’s smashing them Mom. Come quick. He’s smashing them.” As I take off running I round the corner into the kitchen and there are the smashed eggs all over the floor. 11 to be exact. Not one salvageable egg. What’s not in the picture was Amon standing in the corner holding three crushed eggs in his hands, yolk dripping through his little clinched fists.
So here’s another super fun thing about Amon, when he realizes he’s got something he’s not suppose to have…he throws it. It’s kind of like, “If it’s not in my hands, then I’m not guilty.” When he gets a puzzle box off the shelf and we catch him with it, our first move towards him followed by our, “No, Amon.” makes him fling it out of his hands in whatever direction he wants. Same goes for everything. He’d make a terrible robber. And turns out eggs too. My first words as I moved towards him were, “No Amon.” and he threw the crushed eggs out of his hands and onto the kitchen floor and cabinet doors. I was so overcome with this wild animal mentality I simply grabbed his hand and then let out this dying animal call. Head tilted back towards the sky, gnashing of teeth and I tore my clothes straight off. Okay the torn clothes part is for dramatic affect, but I totally did the crazy wild animal yell. Imagine the noise Big Foot makes. I was just so frustrated. My goodness, it was like one minute of me peeing. And how in the heck did he get the refrigerator opened. Hudson and Solomon just stood there with this “Is Mom going to be alright” look on their faces. Poor kids. I’ll pay for their therapy in full.
And so I began to clean up all the eggs as Amon sat there and watched and “told” me all about it. He gave me the whole low down in his own little words which I cannot understand one bit. And when it was cleaned up and I had sent the picture to Josh, I laughed. I finally laughed. These will make for great stories as he grows. My Aunt Linda says all his inquisitive trouble means he’s brilliant. Maybe he’ll be a heart doctor one day.
Happy Thursday!
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“Speed pee” made me chuckle. Good one 😉
My son also did the dropping & throwing of the eggs rite of passage, as well. Big fun.
I agree w/your Aunt Linda. Inquisitive trouble means he’s brilliant! 🙂
this is my life. except my two year old no longer naps. heaven help me. why do they always do stuff when you have to take care of yourself. shower + sharpies the other day. sigh.
Oh my goodness! Sorry you had an eggy mess, but thanks for the smile! When my oldest was about 2 1/2 I left him watching a show to jump in the shower real quick (he was always great about just sitting and watching) and came out to find him with a tomato in each hand, eating them like apples…he saw me and ran into the kitchen and threw them on the floor in front of the fridge, where there were eggs laying broken and oozing…it’s a story we laugh about now…wasn’t extremely funny at the time because that silly house had carpet (CARPET!!) in the kitchen.
We have chickens, so we always have eggs sitting around. My husband had a little over 2 dozen sitting in a bucket on the counter a while back. The bucket happened to be an old toy of my 3 year old, who decided she needed it back. Off the counter went all 20 something eggs. Only 1 survived. Ahh, the fun stuff they do…
I laughed out loud reading this post, not because I’m laughing at your situation but because I immediately realized how much I could relate. And the wild animal noises…I can’t take it. You are too funny! I love your posts, so real and honest. I’m still wondering how you manage to get out of the house on time, no matter my efforts, there is always a mishap! I know I will learn one day 🙂
Oh my goodness I love that kid and I don’t even know him! Thanks for the laugh on a long Thursday 🙂
When my brother was 3, my mom took him on a “field trip” to the fire station. The next morning, while my mom was in the shower, he decided to try calling 9-1-1 to see if what they told him the day before really worked. My mom didn’t realized what had happened until a cop showed up at the door about 15 minutes later asking what was wrong 🙂
You are awesomely funny. My new dog ate 6 hard boiled eggs tonight off the counter while I was upstairs. I somehow thought it ironic and felt Amon would be proud. It was just an amazing egg kind of day. 🙂
Cleaning up eggs are the worst too! I am so laughing as I picture Amon chucking them quickly! 😉
Sending you lots of empathetic understanding. Eggs are really hard to clean up. They just sort of slide around making a bigger mess instead of getting wiped up which is why one dropped egg on the floor makes me want to cry. I give you five stars for being able to laugh after cleaning up 11.
Also I definitely would have shoved Amon’s hands under the sink and then left the house without cleaning up the rest hoping they’d disappear while I was gone.
I feel like I could have written this post! ha! Adding a VERY busy 17-month-old Ethiopian son to our family a couple months ago has totally thrown me off my game. Two to three kids is a big jump. And I feel like when I make the “terrible mistake” of going to the bathroom, he breaks something or is elbow deep in another potty across the house. Good thing he’s so cute!!! Laugh to keep from crying is my new motto! 🙂
Oh, Laura, sometimes I miss those days, sometimes I don’t. Blair too was a thrower. I had many, many almost broken noses. Your post made me cackle with laughter. Well written and absolutely hilarious. Hang in there, you’re doing great 😉
Bread!! Clean up the eggs with slices of white bread…or wheat. Rye? NO bagels.
Seriously, it absorbs the eggs. Also works for broken glass! I love that boy, too! You are hysterically funny, Laura! Love Love Love You and your sweet family!
And, “THANK YOU”! It’s hanging in the wall by my bed! My hospice nurse suggested creating a “Happy Wall”, since I spend about 89.999% of my time in my bed, when I’m not in the hospital. So, I can just look over and see the Beauty that is the Kelly-Kidz!