Archives for December 2018

I used to do daily posts on our Kindness Advent for memories and reference for others, but, well, time is lacking these days.  We’ve been carrying on with our kindness advent as best we can.  We did have one rainy day that botched our surprise chalk art…you win some, you lose some and you carry on.

One of my favorite things about our kindness advent is watching and encouraging our kids to use their words to be kind.  Obviously our whole family doesn’t always use our words to build each other up, but instead we get pissed and use our words to bring each other down.  I like watching their little minds think and work and act to bring some kindness into the world.

One of our favorite soups Bacon Cheeseburger Soup…we adore this with tortilla chips…and it’s perfect to give to a friend.  Simply enough and definitely delicious enough.

We scored these ornaments 50% off at Michaels.

Heart explosion!!!!!

Donut Delivery Tip:  If you order 10 or more boxes of Krispy Kreme donuts a few days ahead of time they give you a 25% discount on your order.  Props.

People had a hard time believing me Kroger had peonies for our flower delivery. Hahahaha.  But alas, Kroger does sometimes carry peonies and I scored some just in time.  I also had a coupon for flowers…they come in the mail sometimes along with other personalized coupons for things I buy often from Kroger.

I always keep pickle and salsa jars just for flowers.  I spent about $20 on flowers and then divided them up into 5 jars so $4 a jar!

Our big kids wrote encouraging words on sticky notes and then put them on their classmates lockers at school.  In the past we have put them on public bathroom mirrors, so this was a new twist and they really enjoyed it.  It was funny hearing them talk about how their friends reacted.

Cookies have been our choice of baked good this holiday season.  We’ve been handing out chocolate chip, snickerdoodle and chocolate sea salt cookies like it’s our job.  Leo has been very happy about this. Ha.

And for our Redbox rental bag we bought Redbox codes online, printed them out and the kids picked out their favorite popcorn and treats to go with it.  We’ve left this at the Redbox before for the next customer, we’ve given it to friends and stuffed them in mailboxes.  Any delivery method goes.

This tradition takes some planning and I always get tons of questions about it, but it’s so worth the extra planning for us.  A friend text me recently and said she was enjoying watching us do our advent to which I replied this is basically how we keep from drowning in this season.  Holidays can be really hard in the grief department so our family needs that extra push.  I also know it can seem a bit overwhelming and not for everyone.  Different strokes, for different folks-4-eva!!!!  I feel like we’re all just doing our best and hanging on tight, so carry on friends.  Do this season the best you can.  Solidarity.

1.  Mumford and Sons new album Delta is the best thing to hit my ears in a while.  There’s a line in the song Delta that takes me straight to Everett and the moment when we hold each other again in heaven.  It’s this outstanding, standout proclamation that makes my heart race and allows me to feel Jesus again.  It’s loud and powerful and the moment I heard it chills hit my arms and tears filled my eyes.  I think about what holding him again will feel like all the time.  Sometimes it’s maddening and makes my heart ache so hard it feels as if it will burst.  Sometimes it’s the moment that keeps me going…that longing and knowing that one day, ONE DAY he will be in my arms again and I will feel the weight of his little body against mine.

“But I’ll meet you at the delta

Where the rivers run into the sea

And I’ll meet you at the delta

What’s behind, I can clearly see

But that beyond, that’s beyond me”

2.  Squad goals.  Seriously don’t cross these 3 in a back alley.  Unfortunately Leo did not get the scowl memo. 🙂

3.  Josh Kelley and I had a night out to see the The Oh Hellos with Becky and Andy.  Date nights are pretty rare these days, but this was just what we needed.  Becky and Andy are always a delight for us.  They lay it all out there…the fun, the conversation, the food, the truth, the gritty and the good.  Totally some of our faves.

4.  Hudson and Leo.  Leo and Hudson.  Leo always has a relapse in the sleep department after he’s been put to sleep.  He had another heart procedure just a bit ago and has been slowly working the anasthesia out of his system again.  We thought he’d bounced back much quicker this time only to find out he’d been crawling in bed with Hudson in the middle of the night.  Hudson is such a champ and loves his little brother so well…even through exhaustion.

5.  We are beginning to see Leo play more and more.  Amon and Winter help pull out his play and imagination more every day.  Watching them bond and engage and play their little hearts out is beyond amazing.

6.  I saw Tru-Colour bandaids at Target recently and then like magic some appeared in our mailbox to try out.  They are such awesome bandaids.  They are durable and such good quality and they match darker skin tones so well.  Such an impeccable product and so thankful we got a chance to try them out.

7.  I am a massive fan of mint and chocolate so when I saw this new M&M flavor at Target I could not pass them up.  I actually opened them in my car before I left the parking lot and devoured them.  The mint, the chocolate and the crisp is perfection.

8.  Days with Leo are a gift.  Josh says I’m Leo’s bestie.  He makes my achey heart feel joy and he is such a good snuggler.  We work and run errands and play and do laundry and bake cookies and fix dinner and do all the therapies and doctor’s appointments and I could not think of a better way to spend my days.

9.  These two are beyond smitten with one another.  Josh is a softy for his girls and he and Winter are pretty dang cute together.  She asks him almost every single evening when he gets home, “How was your day dad?” and he instantly melts.  She’s beyond mindful of him and I know that makes Josh feel so seen. Winter, stirring hearts since 2014.

10.  It’s puzzle season in the Kelley household.  When the Christmas decorations come out so do the puzzles.  Everyone gets in on the puzzle action.  I always smile when I see one of the kids getting in some puzzle work before they head off to school in the morning.  Tis’ the season.

I am behind in blogging and documenting our family so I’m going to try and do a little catching up over the next week.  In November we did quite a bit of celebrating.  My 36th birthday kicked November off.  Leo had occupational and sensory therapy that day so we spent most of our mid-morning and afternoon doing all the therapy things.  He is such a joy to spend my days with.

The birthday person in our house gets to plan all things accordingly for their special day.  Icees were a must after school…per our usual Friday ritual…and homemade pizza for dinner.

And just this moment I realized I’ve never shared my favorite homemade pizza recipe.  YOU GUYS!!!  It’s amazing and it must be cut into strips VS triangles.  Just do it.

*Naan bread (I get ours at Kroger and I broil it longer because I like crispy crust)

*Sriracha Aioli Sauce (3/4ish C plain greek yogurt, 2 cloves minced garlic, 2 TB lemon -I leave this out when I don’t have a lemon on hand & it’s still crazy delish- 1/2 tsp salt, 1/2 tsp black pepper, 1 TB sriracha and a few pinches of cayenne pepper)

*THIS leftover chicken (I make this earlier in the week for taco/nacho night & then use the leftovers again for pizza night)

*Bacon

*Pizza cheese

Totally my fave!!!  My friend Ashley was quite appalled I still had not chosen a birthday dessert on my birthday and urged me to pick some sort of cake.  She convinced me cake it always the way to go on a birthday.  This is why she is my best friend.  I ended up making myself a rainbow funfetti cake and it was perfection straight out of the fridge.  I did insist on adding 36 candles which resulted in a full on blazing birthday cake. 🙂   I’m constantly reminding myself of how full my hands and heart are because my instinct is to remember the void of Everett missing…it’s the first thing I see in photos and traditions and our life.

I received some fun rainbow mail from family and friends which is always a lovely surprise.  Jen, Campbell and I went to see The Hate U Give.  Jen and I read the book…which was phenomenal, like absolutely phenomenal.  I was afraid the movie wouldn’t live up to it, but the movie was amazing too.  A must see for everyone.  Just incredible and taught me so much all over again as a while privileged person.  Go see it!

Jen, Marcie and I celebrate again with dinner at Cabana.  It was delicious and we were seriously the only people there.  We still haven’t figured out why, but our server brought out a yummy birthday dessert for us to share and we did not turn him away.

Ashley, Alissa, Leah and I all have birthdays in November and December so we decided to celebrate all together at Uncle Julios with some killer Mexican food and a chocolate piñata.  Yes, yes you did read that correctly.  A chocolate piñata.  It was filled with strawberries, chocolate empanadas and mini churros.  It was insanely good.  One of the best things I’ve ever eaten.

(Please take note of my “OH MY LORT” hand on my chest upon seeing the dreamy chocolate piñata.)

Next up for celebrating was our sweet Alicia.  She was turning the big 18 shortly after my birthday and when 18 rolls around a party is definitely in order.  What I love about Alicea is she chose appetizers for her main dish 🙂 and iced sugar cookies and more funfetti cake for dessert.  A girl absolutely after my own food loving heart.  And on your birthday, ask and you shall receive is always my moto.

Thanksgiving was weird this year.  I just felt all the feelings all day long plus it’s pretty much my least favorite holiday ever.  We spent a chill morning at home with cinnamon rolls and the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade before heading over to Josh’s parents house.  We rarely buy the newspaper so it was pretty funny watching and listening as Josh read the kids their horoscopes.  Hahahahaha.

I’m not a big fan of Thanksgiving food at all, but Leo was completely won over by it.  Dude loves to eat and devoured an adult size plate of all the foods.  He passed on dessert…literally left his cookie sitting there…but ate all the green beans and turkey and ham and rolls and Mac n cheese and rice and squash and and and…what a little adorable weirdo.  🙂

 The rest of the day was spent hanging out.  The kids played their hearts out.  I went to visit Amanda and Toby at the hospital for a bit.  There were board games and football games and more food.  I missed Everett a lot.  I thought about him constantly.  Holidays all feel so weird now and I’m not quite sure what to do with all those feelings yet.

And now Christmas is upon us.  Josh Kelley LOVES this time of year so all our Christmas decorations were up before Thanksgiving even rolled through.  We put on Elf, ate fruity candy canes, played Christmas music and decorated all we can in our little house.  Leo broke an ornament right off the bat and we issued our “we don’t want bleeding feet” warning to all those barefeet running around our house.

I always love watching the kids pull out their own ornament boxes.  I love listening to them recount memories associated with each ornament.  This year we all hung up Everett’s different ornaments and his new one.  I get each kiddo a new ornament every year representative of some part of that year and Everett is no different.  This year we had an artist pallet, a pencil, a rubix cube, a rhino, a rainbow Christmas tree, a rainbow snowflake and a banana ornament.  We all miss Everett so much and so we fill our life and our space with reminders of him.  He is carried deep in our hearts and is always on our minds.  I so wish I could put better words to those feelings.

I had forgotten, but last year I wrote Winter a letter after Christmas and tucked it away in her ornament box.  She found it and asked about what it was.  I read it to her and cried.  My words were laced with so much hope and here she was this strong, resilient Kelley girl bringing so much spunk and laughter and fire to our family still.  I had hoped for a different outcome for Winter…I really had…but I can never fully express the honor I carry in being her mother.  She’s our Winter…the forever season all our hearts needed.

So here we are in this season that’s suppose to be so full of joy and light and hope and fun and we find ourselves fighting to find those feelings.  It’s been a struggle and every one of us feels the weight of this season.  We have kids in tears often about their brother.  We have kids who are plagued with worry.  We have kiddos who struggle with sad moments at school.  We have kids still asking questions so advanced in thinking we have no idea how to answer.  This is grief.  This is the flailing about in open, rough, wavey waters when you cannot remember how to swim grief.  So we grab on tight to one another…doing our best to lift each other up instead of pushing each other under the waves.  We remind each other we’re here…we’re in it together…we’re not planning on going anywhere…we’re going to make it.

It’s that time again for the Kelley family where we make our way through December doing a little something intentionally kind each day leading up to Christmas.  You can read all about how our Kindness Advent came about right after my Mom died in 2011 plus past posts and ideas HERE.

My most favorite grief advice/quote will forever be:

When your burden is heaviest, you can always lighten a little some other burden.  At the times when you cannot see God, there is still open to you this sacred possibility, to show God; for it is the love and kindness of human hearts through which the divine reality comes home to men, whether they name it or not.  Let this thought, then, stay with you:  there may be times when you cannot find help, but there is no time when you cannot give help.  -George S. Merriam

I will carry this quote around for my whole life.

We usually spend November mulling over all our kind ideas we would like to do each day in December, but this year I temporarily lost our advent envelopes and idea cards we’ve made over the years.  And out of sight meant out of mind.  Friday night Josh Kelley found our advent baggie and over dinner we proceeded to come up with all 25 ideas and set our planning into place.

So here is our official kindness list for 2018:

Hand out stickers to kiddos in stores, share breakfast with a family, giveaway candy canes, give a recipe + the ingredients to someone for dinner, ornament delivery, send mail, donuts for our elementary school, surprise chalk art, load bubble gum machines with quarters, giveaway flowers, sticky notes on lockers at school, cards & treats for our funeral home, cards & treats for our pediatrician’s office, Redbox rental bag, surprise a sweet friend, paint wood slices and leave around town, cards & present for our mailman, cards & present for our trash man, thank yous for our janitorial staff, decorate someone’s front door, notes for our favorite gas station worker, leave encouraging notes on cars, buy someone’s lunch, share Sonic happy hour and do some FaceTime caroling.

We’ve already kicked off the 1st, 2nd and 3rd with sharing fun stickers, a yummy breakfast drop and all the Kelley kids (minus Leo) sharing candy canes with their classmates.

Tomorrow we will carry on with our kindness and do our best to carry it through the end of the month.  If you want to follow along daily I’ll be keeping up with it all in my Instagram stories.

Let’s spread some kindness this month!