I didn’t really want to blog yesterday and even as I sit here I don’t really want to write today. My mind and heart have been crazy overwhelmed. I don’t know how to type my thoughts and feelings out through these keys. I know Satan loves to get in my mind and a hold of my emotions…convince me the world is too much…too hard, too sad, too overwhelming, too difficult for my heart to grasp and my mind to navigate. Right now I feel that. It’s heavy and weighted and the words just fail me.
I rarely am up to date on the news, but with all that’s going on in our world right now how could I not be. The cries are too loud and the voices are too personal. I think about how we have the freedom to worship as we wish. Never have I ever feared worshipping Jesus. The thought is so far removed from my mind. What a privilege we have and how I absolutely take this for granted. The world can feel too dark sometimes.
I think about raising my children…two who are dark brown skinned Ethiopians…and how I feel so ill equipped sometimes to be their momma. I sat on our couch last night and just stared at Josh and cried. Sometimes the wrong voices in the this world try and drown us out. How do we do this in the world we are living in? How do we teach all of our children differently than what the world wants to teach them? How do we show them everyone should be loved and cared for and cherished despite color of skin, background, where they live, where they’ve been, what they’ve done or where they’re headed. No margins. Jesus came for everyone and created each of us in His image. Each beautifully made. The end.
I don’t pin myself as a worrier. My mom was a huge worrier. Oh how she worried. Some lessons you wish you didn’t learn from your parents, but this is one my mom “taught” me well. I saw the worry and anxiety she had and she hated it. She fought Satan against it. I’ve even got a sparrow tattooed on my forearm for this very reason. His eye in on the sparrow…”Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?” Matthew 6:26
My heart has been overwhelmed with worry and anxiety and sadness lately. This morning my Bible reading was on Mathew 6…the whole Do Not Worry section. I’ve honestly read this a lot through out my life. I remember my mom reciting it. Today I took hold of the very end…what we are to do instead of worrying…”But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness.” His love, His commandments, His heart, His desires. Go after the things of God over this world. This is so hard on certain days and when things just absolutely crush your heart and the world seems too big and hard and unfair…like Satan is winning. Today I am pushing towards seeking His kingdom and His righteousness. Begging God to do His thing and teach me how He can use me and you and us together.
And because I always feel like other people say things way better than I ever could…3 good reads.
Flower Patch Farmgirl: I Know A Boy
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