The weekend was nothing short of just weird and unexpected.  Well laid plans went awry and the only thing which even resembled what I thought it was going to was Sunday…a few consistent constants…church, Cheyenne taking our first set of 2014 pictures and Bible study.  Everything else was haywire.

And that’s life.  All those curveballs and hurts and scars and love and kindness and letting go and realizing this is just another season…and you pull in real close to the ones you love the most…even though they are the ones you hurt the hardest sometimes…and the ones who are so familiar…and the ones who make you laugh and think hard thoughts…the ones who push you to be better…and like you for just you…incredibly flawed & all.  You dig your heels in and decide to stick this thing out because you know it will be the adventure of your lifetime.

After I finished up Scarred Faith it absolutely left my heart stirring in the most real and cultivating and “holy crap” way.  I know God is right there.  I know He’s stirring my heart and I’m just not quite sure what to do with it all.  So I have conversations with Josh Kelley in the dark and I wake him up just one last time because I just need to say one more thing…I need to run one more thought by him.  I hope my flesh doesn’t let the whirlpool of motion settle.  I hope my flesh will act.

Lately I am absolutely craving simplicity.  The simpler the better.  The simpler the easier my heart feels.  I need less.  Not more.  More makes me all anxious and so if it’s not nailed down to the floors in our house, there’s a chance it’s getting the boot.  Things I’ve been holding onto because they were Mom’s or things which were sentimental to me…I’m now realizing the joy in finding them new homes…in giving them with purpose.  They are truly just things…items…material possessions…the memory remains in me…not in the item.  Simplicity is singing my song…and it’s my jam.

I had a chance to talk about Mom last night at Bible study and I could have easily broken down into a big gushy puddle of tears.  It’s not often enough when I get to share about her.  To share about the ways she molded me.  Mom was easily the crazy parent when I was in school…the dorky mom.  She was known as “over protective” and she always knew exactly where I was and if I didn’t call when I was suppose to you better believe she was tracking me down and she asked all those far too personal, prying questions middle schoolers and teenagers don’t want to be asked.  And she prayed hard prayers.  And she did not shy away from her passionate love of Jesus or the fact that she needed His grace and forgiveness just as much as the next person.  And as I talked about her, the overwhelming emotion of how good, how really really good she was could have smothered me.  All those things I didn’t like about her then, all those things that made me cringe with embarrassment, I now absolutely adore and appreciate and will aim to be the very same way with my children.  Because I knew she wanted me to make good choices…”just do the right thing Laura”…and I knew she wanted me to love Jesus more than anything else in this world.

And honestly the weekend was hard…and today wasn’t too much better.  Things all awry everywhere.  And in those hard moments I’m thankful for a God who provides hope…and not just any kind of hope, but sometimes this hope that makes you laugh and then all weepy at the same time.  Today it came in the form of Amon using the potty.  And I got all weepy as I took in the moment as I watched Harper, Solomon, Hudson and myself all standing around our bathroom watching and waiting and encouraging Amon to just pee.  And you know what, he did.  And then he did again later.  And then, what the what, the kid even went number 2.  And every single time we cheered like crazy yahoos and ate treats and gave hugs like we just won the super bowl.  All we needed were our goggles and bottles of bubbly.  With all our communication struggles I feel like God just reached right down today and gave me a high-5.  Like, hey, you can do this…everything is going to be alright.

Just when you feel defeated…just when you start to really lose it…in those moments I feel like God likes to be all, “Hey.  Wait just a moment.  I am still good and therefore you’re life is still crazy good.  So why don’t you just soak Me up and rest in this hope and grace and mercy and unconditional love I’m handing you.”  And it’s hard to do that sometimes, but I did, just for a moment.  And in that moment all the junk just melted away and I saw again how amazingly gracious God has been to us.  How He really is so good and how He loves us just perfectly perfect…even when things seem to go haywire.

So long Monday!