This is the 1st Monday in 2016 I have had solo.  Snow days and holidays and sick kids have ruled all my Mondays so far, but today the sun is shining, spring is totally in the air and my mind is in a full on whirl of thoughts and feelings.

Yesterday we partied.  And we partied hard.  Our current littlest turned 2 last week.  We’re not a party for every birthday family, but our littlest’s momma asked if I had been thinking about her birthday and so the ball started rolling in the party direction.

Her actual birthday felt weighty.  I felt a deep sadness that we were the ones greeting her on her official birthday morning.  I felt sad we were the ones celebrating early that morning with donuts and candles and singing.  I felt sad videoing the whole thing and then texting it to her mom.  I felt like we were robbing everyone.  I thought Josh Kelley and I might tight embrace and sob together once the singing silenced and mouths we’re full of delicious donuts.  And yet I know we are robbing no one.  I know we are just treating her how we would want our children to be treated if the roles were reversed.

Foster care is hard.  We are not foster-to-adopt.  The state of Tennessee was loud and clear when we went to our first meeting that if we were in this aiming to adopt we needed to leave and find an alternate route.  Reunification is the goal whenever possible.  Adoption is beautiful and has added sons to our family and God has used it to stitch our family together just right, but our hearts are now heavy for birthparents and how we can help keep families together…how can we stand in the gap during hard times and foster care is the direction we headed.

Yesterday our family and our littlest’s family gathered together at our house and celebrated her sweet 2 years on this planet.  They have not been your typical, ideal 2 years, but I absolutely, without a doubt believe God has been in every last detail of her story.  She is His child, just like the rest of us.  It felt like my senses were heightened yesterday.  I felt like God allowed me to see and experience so many sweet moments He orchestrated.  I believe Jesus was the main guest at our party.

It wasn’t fancy or extra special.  There were minimal decorations and no party favors.  There was Dominos pizza and salad.  Grapes and carrots.  Mini sprites and pink lemonade.  Cookies, cookies and more cookies.  And then there were two sets of families who a year ago had no clue who the others were.  Here’s where my heart and mind just want to puddle right up.  I am INSANELY proud of these people.  Not just our extended family, but littlest’s family too.  Everyone involved…coming from both sides…could have chosen fear of the unknown and could have chosen to keep to themselves.  Everyone could have done the bare minimum and have still gotten by just like that.  No one had to reach beyond themselves or widen their circle.  But that’s NOT what everyone did.

I beam with pride on behalf of Josh’s parents and our brothers, sisters, nieces and nephews.  This family who congregated at our house yesterday and hugged necks and gushed over our littlest and brought presents and kind words and who ate and sang happy birthday and made conversation and who are cheering her momma and daddy on and who are praying over them and praying for reunification.  It’s just love.  Love, love and more love.

I beam with pride on behalf of her Mom and Dad and their families.  This is no easy road.  This is no road someone wishes for or dreams up, but they are taking it in stride and doing the best they can and they LOVE their daughter.  They didn’t have to widen their circle.  They didn’t have to let us in.  They didn’t have to link arms with us.  They didn’t have to become family, but they chose to and I am incredibly thankful and honored they welcomed us in.

I watched as my sister-in-law Katy rushed in our house…solo parenting, a bit frazzled and running a little late for the party with all her kiddos.  She could have just stayed at home.  She could have sat this party out, but she didn’t.  I answered texts about what size clothing our littlest is currently in and today she wore the cutest new dress to school from Josh’s sister.  I watched Harper and my nieces playing with our littlest’s girl cousin who came to the party.  They didn’t know each other, but they didn’t miss a beat and welcomed each other right in.  Legos are universal 🙂  I listened as Josh’s dad had everything in their car ready to go home and said “I’m going to run back in and tell them bye.” referring to her mom and dad.  I watched Josh’s mom hug both her momma and daddy so sweetly.  I listened to what seemed like the loudest Happy Birthday song I’ve ever heard…a choir of voices looking on while her momma and daddy held her tight and smiled the biggest smiles and blew out those two candles….everyone snapping pictures like crazy paparazzi.  I watched one of our nieces riding on the seesaw in our back yard with our littlest’s dad and I thought to myself “This is it.  This is it.”  I can back every ministry group and sign up for every Bible study offered and teach Bible journaling classes and go to church on Sunday and so on and so on, but if my every day life does not scream Jesus’ love to those around me then I am nothing.  Living this every day life with a love of Jesus…with a passion to show His love to everyone we encounter is crucial.

Today I am just flat out grateful and honored for this journey and these people who are in this with us.  It’s easy to feel so unworthy of this calling because man, we get to know some of the best people around…new and old…and witness some of the best things Jesus offers when we simply choose to love like He did.

Happy Monday.

When we chose to become foster parents we both really weren’t sure what this new journey would look like.  There were a lot of what ifs and even more nervous unknowns and still are.  I think all the training in the world doesn’t really prepare you, but being thrust head on begins to do the trick.  We’re still learning how to love and how to play our role well and Christ like.

We love adoption.  God used adoption to stitch our family together.  It’s beautiful, but also heart breaking and loss filled.  Everyday we are learning more and more about how to parent all of our kids, but even more the questions which come and will keep coming from Solomon and Amon.

We believe adoption is not the answer to the orphan crisis in our world.  We do however believe one of the greatest forms of orphan care is family preservation…coming along side families and helping keep the family system in tact…preventing a child from becoming orphaned in the first place.  Obviously this is not always an option, but we want to do our part in this family care.  So becoming foster parents became our new role.

Going into this role has not been easy.  It is overwhelming and hard, but I whole heartedly believe in standing for family.  We’re currently past the 6 month mark with our current littlest being in our home.  It’s wildly difficult navigating all the ins and outs and communication and scheduling.  She has regular visitations, but we also meet her parents often outside of those visitations on our own.  I know this isn’t for everyone and isn’t always an option either, but it works for us.  We want them to see her as much as they can.  We want her to know without a doubt who they are and their role in her life…they gave her life.

Every 3rd or 4th of July…depending on where it falls in the week…for 5 years now we meet up with family and friends at Josh’s parents house for a yummy dinner and then load up and head over to go canoeing on a local lake.  We paddle out a ways and all gather together in the middle of the lake to watch a big local fireworks display.  The fireworks are so loud they shake the canoes and we’ve even had pieces of ash sprinkle on our heads before.  It’s one of our favorite traditions.

This year we invited our littlest parents to join us.  And they came.  They are always so excited to see her.  This was their first time being around a big group of our family and friends.  We know stigmas can come with foster care…we are always a bit wary about certain things people say…or judgements they choose to share with us.  What I am so dang proud of is our friends and family who just love.  No judgements.  No harsh words.  Just acceptance.  Just big love.  As we all gathered at Josh’s parents house that night and began eating I wanted to gather everyone up in a giant dog pile and just gush out all my emotions.  There was food and laughter and your everyday conversations.  I heard countless “She’s beautiful” and “We sure love ya’lls girl” and many more sweet sentiments voiced to her parents.  It was as if we all had known each other for a lifetime.  Josh’s parents and everyone else just welcomed them right in and never looked back.

Then we loaded up and headed for the lake.  Glow sticks started cracking.  Kids started getting their late night wild hairs.  Everyone picked out their paddles and life jackets.  Then I watched as one by one canoes made their way onto the water.  A watery substance continued to well up in my eye balls because of the sweetest canoe holding little one, her momma, daddy and our friend Susan.  It was like they were old friends.  Laughter continued late into the night and everyone loved the fireworks as always.  Then we paddled back, exchanged big hugs and everyone headed home.  Despite leaving for Africa the very next day I could not stop thinking about the night we had just had.  I couldn’t get past God’s goodness and mercy and grace.  His desire to redeem.  His redemptive ways and love.

We’re so proud of her parents.  They are working hard.  This process is taxing and can take a toll on your spirit if you let it.  Little one is loved something fierce.  I’m also proud of our family and friends.  We know this big endeavor could have been awkward, but boy did everyone just shine.  Never will anything speak louder than love in action…acceptance and kindness and words which say “everyone’s welcomed”.  This is the good stuff…the stuff which I think thrills God’s heart.  Everyone on the inside because He irradiated the margins and lines and turns out, there is no outside after all.  Crazy thankful and blessed and honored we get a front row seat in this journey.  It’s a good seat to have.

Happy Wednesday.

I get this question a lot.  I get emails about it a lot.  I should ask Josh Kelley if he gets asked this too. When I think about this new whirlwind we are in honestly it’s just an honor and also hard.  There is so much to this foster parent/foster family gig.

We got a phone call early in the morning just the other day about a little boy who needed placement.  Our home was not approved for a little boy his age due to lack of space so we had to say no.  We’ve had to do this before.  Sometimes when they are looking for a home they don’t see what the social worker has or has not approved you for.  I thought about this kid all day.  Finally I asked Josh to call back and check on him.  They had worked out a placement and I breathed a little easier.  It’s not easy when you are given such personal and sacred details to someones life…especially when they are a small child’s which involves such loss in a moments notice.

Then there’s the emails and scheduling of visitations and doctors appointments and documentation and training (which we are of course behind on) and meetings and court dates and throw in all your other regular day life stuff and the rest of your family.  Some days it’s really hard to keep up and to keep everything straight.  Some days there is no treading water, just drowning.  But you guys, we are all quite in love with this little girl, but also her family.  They are beautiful people.  There is a friendship now and mutual respect.  There are texts and face timing in between visitations.  We are their #1 cheerleaders because they deserve someone cheering them on in such a noble fight they are fighting.  They love their girl madly and it’s something amazing and humbling to watch.

And then there are our hearts.  And our kids hearts.  I know our days are becoming shorter and shorter so we make sure we keep talking about how we will all miss her like crazy, but how thrilled we will be when she gets to go home.  We talk about it all the time.  We pray for it.  Want to bring me to tears, just let me hear sweet Hudson asking God again “Please God help _____ to get to go home soon to her mommy and daddy.”  I am a lost cause every.single.time I hear these words from our kids’ mouths.  They know the goal.  We know the goal.  We’ve talked about it from the beginning, but that doesn’t mean it will make the transition any easier.  Harper says all the time “I’m going to miss her so much.” but her momma promises we will get to babysit and help out whenever they need it.  We’ve all got our hopes set on it.

I think a lot about this quote by Francis Chan from You and me Forever:

“Sometimes people are paralyzed by fear of failure.  They are so afraid they might do the wrong thing that they do nothing.  We need to learn to err on the side of action, because we tend to default to negligence.  So many won’t do anything unless they hear a voice from heaven telling them precisely what to do.  Why not default to action until you hear a voice from heaven telling you to wait?”

When I think about our family leading up to becoming a foster family…we would have missed this.  We would have missed this blessing.  We would have missed this opportunity to love and be loved.  We would have missed out on meeting this crazy amazing family.  We would have missed Jesus.  We thought so many things like we don’t have enough room, we need to move first, we’ve already got 4 kids, we don’t have the time, we’re stretched too thin, etc etc etc.  God is so good at proving us wrong…that truly His plans are best and when we think we just can’t He certainly can.

I read this article last night and it made me weepy.

“What grace that in fostering we have the opportunity to directly address the severe vulnerabilities of children in our community, experience a transformation of our minds, and gain access to a deep and profound joy – both in ourselves and in the children for whom we have the privilege of caring.”

I can’t get over what a privilege this really is.  Yes it’s hard and complicated some days, but geez what an honor…what a gift God is giving us…to love on this kiddo and her family and try and help the family unit stay intact.  I don’t know if I’ll ever understand it all, but I don’t think this is a fight we’re soon to give up on.

Happy Friday!