I know everyone deals with grief in their own way…goodness knows that is one things I’ve learned…coping can be done in so many ways.  I still think about Mom all the time.  The other night I was sewing and found myself just so focused on her and how it’s just a part of my life now…just thinking about her.  I still miss her every single day and find myself carrying this feeling that it’s up to me to keep her spirit alive.  Like it’s my job to remind people of her…I just sooooo don’t want her to be forgotten.  I know it’s not my job, but I still have this heavy feeling that it is and I take that seriously.

Her 66th birthday is coming up and I had been racking my brain about how I would celebrate her this year.  Last year I mailed out 65 encouraging cards to lots of different people.  This year I landed on giving baked goods to 66 different people and then realized that I didn’t think I even knew 66 people.  Ha.  So I sent some texts to her boss Brian and asked if I could set up a crap ton of baked goods in her works lobby for all the different people and clients who came through their branch to enjoy in honor of her…to celebrate her.  She loved to cook and bake and I just want to do something that she would have loved…something that would have made her feel special and proud.

Today was my bake day.  It was crazy…hence the 11pm blogging.  And I didn’t even finish.  Tomorrow I’ll knock out the last two yummy treats and I’ll be done…DONE!  Strawberry cupcakes with cream cheese frosting and mini red velvet cheesecakes are on my To-Do list for tomorrow.

So today I started with this crazy amount of ingredients and got my bake on.

Snickerdoodles

Cookie Brownie Oreo Cups (I did not make the cookie dough homemade…subbed break and bake cookies instead)

Gooey Butter Cake

Rice Krispy Treats

Whoopie Pies

Andes Mint Cookies

Nutter Butter Balls (I used white chocolate instead)

Chocolate Chip Cookie Bars

Sugar Cookie Bars

Triple Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Bites

And Funfetti Cookies

The bigger kids enjoyed helping some, but spent most of their time playing outside…doing who knows what.  Amon spent most of his time by the Kitchen Aid mixer.  Huddy was really into helping though and had two big teary melt downs about missing his Grammy.  We had some good cries together today.  Kids and grief are so tricky.  We’re still figuring our way through it 18 months later.  Crying and sweet treats help.

I know it may seem crazy or off or weird, but this is how I’m dealing right now.  I want to love big in honor of Mom…I want to spread kindness to a bunch of strangers with baked goods to celebrate her life…a phenomenal life lived…one that was full of love and kindness and generosity and showing people Jesus in the best way.  I think she would truly love it and I really like to think she would be proud.  I think she would totally agree…baked goods can change the world.

Now I’m off to sleep and probably dream about butter and sugar and cream cheese and eggs…and cake mixes.

Happy Wednesday Night!