Swirling Heart & Head

I feel like my heart and head are in a perpetual swirling motion.  There’s no stopping Jesus from coming right in and gently reminding me, yet again, He wants it all…not bits and pieces, but all of it…everything.  This keeps me swirling and thinking and hashing out and debriefing and changing all the time.  And each time I land again right where I landed last time and the time before that and the time before that…loving Him and loving others…and how can these concepts absolutely consume and eat my life right up in the best kind of way.  And the swirly heart and mind keep moving.  Sigh.

It’s hard to make sense of a lot these days and people are wreaking havoc on our hearts and problems with our county and state press in hard on my heart and make me wonder if things can really be fixed.  Things like affordable housing which seems to affect just about every one and every thing and people we hold dear.  So many unanswered questions you think will never be solved.  The problems just grow, but I long to be apart of the solution.  I dare to wonder and ask God to use me…use our family.  And when you dare to ask, sometimes He dares to answer.

And so Thursday finds me at a bit of a loss.  It finds me just unsure about most everything.  I’m thankfully nearing the end of Romans.  It has not been my favorite.  I have deemed myself unfit for Romans 🙂  It has been tough to understand for my brain.  I’ve been reading multiple translations to try and grasp exactly what Paul is saying.  The last few days though God has linked His words directly to my heart and made me see I actually might like Romans after all.

From the Message Romans 9:

I‘ll call the nobodies and make them somebodies;

I’ll call the unloved and make them beloved.

In the place where they yelled out, “You’re nobody” they’re calling you “God’s living children.”

And then in Chapter 11:

Be convinced of God’s grace and purpose in choosing you.

Be humbly mindful of the Root that keeps you lithe and green.

I had to look up the word lithe…I’d never heard that word before.

lithe 1: easily bent or flexed  2: characterized by easy flexibility and grace

In the midst of just feeling at a complete loss…like there’s nothing I can really do…like I just don’t know what to do, I want to remember we are all somebodies to Jesus…and not only somebodies, but really special, uniquely created in His image children of God.  We matter and have purpose and grace in Him.  He gives us life.  He gives us worth.  He wants the glory…because no matter how much we think our story is ours…it’s really His.

So I dare to continue to ask Him to use me.  To make me a somebody.  To be convinced of His grace and purpose in choosing me.  And to be humbly mindful that He keeps me alive…He gives me purpose…The Root which keeps me easily bent towards Him and characterized by flexibility and grace.