Some Days

Some days I think about how we basically do the exact same thing every day.  Sometimes when we reach the end of our day I actually think to myself, “What did we do today?”  Some days come with so much monotony that I fail to see the excitement in this life.  The value.  Some days I just completely miss it.  Some days I don’t want to do this mom gig.

Some days are full of all out frustration and bitterness and anger.  Some days I’m waving my white flag before my feet even hit the floor.  I’m run down and overwhelmed and I’d much rather stay in bed than take on another day.  I pitch a fit like the one I just reprimanded one of my kids for throwing, but it’s different when it’s me.  Isn’t that always the case.

Some days I take on battles which weren’t meant to be my fight.  I carry worry and anxiety that are far too heavy.  Some days my own personal selfishness takes center stage and my kids get the brunt of it.  Josh gets the brunt of it.  Some days I want a complete re-do.  I screw up royally.  Big time.  Some days I don’t even apologize even when I know I should.

Some days I don’t feel Jesus close at all, even when I know He never leaves.  Some days I feel this made up distance.  This distance Satan convinces me is there.  Some days I feel just not enough.  Completely emptied out.  Some days I have a very hard time believing He could love me, such a screw up, even just a little.  I just want to curse…and a lot.  I doubt His plans for us…I doubt His love for us…I doubt His existence.

Some days Josh Kelley and I do not get along.  At all.  Marriage is hard.  It takes work and some days I don’t want to put in the work.  Some days I think how on Earth have we made it 16 years together.  Some days we scream and fight and bail on Bible study because we got in a huge argument on the ride over.  Turn the car around now.  Take me home.  I’m done.  Some days our sinful human nature is in full swing.

But thank God for all the other days.  The days when I see that this life we are living is anything but mundane.  In fact it is a powerful life.  A life full of goodness and mercy and love.  A life of compassion and excitement at every corner, we just have to choose to see it.  Our family of 6 may not come across as crazy exciting, but just come around us for a bit and you will see…you will see we love hard and we screw up a lot and then we love hard again.  And that is life giving.

On those other days God reminds me that even when I feel this routine life starting over again just like it did the day before I am still doing His work.  “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.”  Colossians 3:23  If I am working for Him, my work always counts for something…I am working for the Creator of the Universe.  That is an important job.  A very important job.  We are on mission for Him.  Every.Single.Day.  He has given us a charge.  “Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.  This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.”  All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”  Matthew 22:37-40

On those other days I remember I was not made to take on worry and anxiety and fear and burdens of this world.  He wants me to rest in Him.  He wants to give me peace and an unmistakable joy in Him.  Peace that passes all human understanding found in Him.  He wants me to hand over my life’s frustrations and failures and mishaps and let go of this false hope that I can fix myself because I cannot and will not ever be able to.  And God loves me just as I am.  Broken and all.  “Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”  Matthew 11:29

On those other days I know I am loved.  I know I am valued and special and uniquely created by the King.  I know He loves me like craziness.  I know He offers me as many re-dos as I would like.  Mercy after grace after mercy after grace.  Again and again and again.  And He never turns away.  His eyes are always looking for me…His daughter.  I am celebrated in Him.  “The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves.  He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.”  Zephaniah 3:17

On those other days I see Him everywhere and in everything and I am reminded of His constant and steadfast love.  I trust in His plans for me and our family.  I know deep down in my heart He is in control and always has been.  Everything filters through His hands.  Not one thing shocks or surprises Him.  “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord.  “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”  Isaiah 55:8-9  I remember He has never failed me before, so why on earth would He start now.  I loosen my controlling grip and let go.  I release my life into His hands.  I release our kids into His hands.  I release our marriage into His hands.  They were His all along.  Never mine.

On those other days I am reminded of how God is in the business of restoration.  Healing.  Redeeming.  Making the impossible possible.  It’s what He does.  “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.  See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” Isaiah 34:18-19  And He puts love in our hearts…love for each other and for Him.  He gives us the gifts of relationships…those special people who choose to come along side us when really they want to run for the hills.  He gives us the gift of partnership and community and honesty.  When we choose to be real and open and honest there is great comfort…there is a message of love that we are not alone in these lives we are living.

No matter the day God is always good.  His mercies are new every morning.  His love never fails…never gives up…never tires.  He is relentless.  In pursuit of us.  Madly in love with each of us.  Those are amazing and life giving promises to rest in, take hope in and believe in.