Ralph

I feel this week…and this year…because let’s face it 2014 is coming to a close…would be no where complete without a puking post.  It’s just what I do.  It’s what my kids do…typically in groups of 3 or more.  Sadly, this throw up post is all Amon.  I know, I know…one kid blowing chunks isn’t nearly as funny as 3…or more, but I’ll work with what I have 🙂

To your shock and astonishment I spent another sleepless night with sick Amon.  If vomit wasn’t bad enough all on it’s own, he decided to take it to a new level spewing in all the worse places.  It’s just what he does.

Maybe the worst was…wait for it…maybe I should let you mull it over…okay I’ll just say it…on our new couch…MULTIPLE TIMES PEOPLE!!!!  I died a little inside with each convulsion of his tiny body.  I was screaming inside “Noooooooooooooooo, not THE couch…the “oh so lovely, I want to marry you and make out forever and ever amen” couch.  Say it ain’t so, but I have the stained dish cloths to prove it.  I’ve decided we should never buy a new couch again…until Amon has moved out.

Next up, oh, hey how about all over himself and his carseat in the car rider line while dropping the kids off this morning.  Yep!  This was made worse by Hudson’s immediate freak out because all the kids were still in the car and Hudson is a pity puker.  We figured this out finally after we thought all the kids had the stomach flu when they were much younger, but surprisingly Hudson was still eating and acting like he was totally fine…was just puking with the rest of them.  We soon realized he never thew up on his own…it was always with someone and they were the throw up initiators.  And then a stroke of genius, Hudson wasn’t sick…he was a pity puker.  He cannot see someone else throw up without throwing up himself.  I was that kid too.  He comes by it honestly.  This is when we put into practice…Run!  Whenever someone barfs, we tell Hudson to run!  But when you’re stuck in your car in the car rider line, there’s no where to run.  So I had to get real serious fast to avoid two kids blowing chunks all over our car.

(Maybe I should have issued a warning to all you weak stomached people before starting this post.  Warning:  If you are easily made queazy, read no further!)

Hudson, look at me.  Look at my eyes.  You can do this.  Do not look at Amon.  Eyes here.  Eyes up Hudson.  Don’t look at it.  Eyes up.  Keep going going. Whatever you do, do not look at Amon.

And finally he was out.  I felt as if I had just dodged an entire land mine.  I feel like there will be a level in hell where people clean throw up from kids car seats.

He crashed when we got home and took a pretty decent nap.  Then barfed all over me, himself and our bed.  Why didn’t I just put him in his bed because every kid bed in this house…all 6 of them has a waterproof thing underneath the sheets, but I’m happy to report Josh and myself never pee the bed, so no such thing on our mattress.  More puke.

Later, how about some projectile chunks in the kitchen and all over some lower cabinets.  You know, very similar to when you spill something and it runs all down the cabinets and behind the doors.  OH MY GOGH!!!!!  Amon may wow his speech therapists, that is if he’s still not vomiting everywhere, with some new words next week.

I kind of feel like to really top the day off Amon should throw up directly into our book shelf.  Just to make sure he really ends the day off with a bang…puke leaking down in between all those books.  Or maybe just directly into my face…that would do it!

More throwing up here and there.  I gave him a bath because, well, he was covered in vomit.  #winning  He also proceeded to pitch many crazy irrational sick toddler fits, my favorite being the one because I wouldn’t let him eat the rest of his dried Cheerios he just threw up on.  I’m clearly the a-hole here.

So now I’m doing 5 million loads of laundry and trying to get my game face ready for the rest of the day.  In between all the spewing and irrational tantrums, Amon has slept like a little dream child.

2014 puking blog post complete.  I can sleep easy tonight.

And hey, it’s Friday, so Happy Friday!

6 Comments

  1. Wow, that is terrible and I feel your pain! I picked one up early from school yesterday and made it home just in time for him to puke in the bathroom, not the van, hallelujah!
    I highly recommend having Amon practice with a puke bucket before the next virus hits. Our youngest could not do it at 1, but he made a faint gagging noise right before it came out so we would listen and run at him with a bucket and usually catch most of it. By 2 he could hold his own bucket and only occasionally was taken by surprise enough to not grab it. The bucket is glorious. We also go over the puke rules regularly – aim away from upholstery/furniture/bedding – go for toilets, sinks, plastic bags, trash cans, anything washable and then the floor. DO NOT puke on the freaking couch or the car upholstery! I do cover the couch and their beds in beach towels when they are sick and make them hold plastic bag or trash can if we have to get in the car. Like yesterday I had sick kid holding a plastic trash can while we drove to get the older one from school and he did use it.
    Good luck over there in puke land!

  2. Can I just say…you Crack me up!! I’ve laughed so hard at this post! All mom’s can related…glad you can bring humor to the situation!! We need to be friends 🙂

  3. One request… next time, please put the warning disclosure at the top of the post.
    Thank you,
    Your best friend
    #youknowhowweakmystomachis
    #sorryforamon
    #iamgoingtogopukenow

  4. i AM LAUGHING SO HARD I AM IN TEARS,
    BLESS LITTLE AMON’S HEART AND YOURS.
    i HATE STOMACH BUGS, AND LIKE HUDSON I AM A PITY PUKER, THANK GOD FOR MY WONDERFUL HUSBAND, HE WAS ALWAYS THE CLEAN UP GUY.
    PRAYING AMON GETS OVER THIS BUG AND THE REST DON’T GET IT.
    LOTS OF LOVE TO YOU.

  5. So, in our house if you’re a kid and you’ve got the pukes you must go 24 hours puke-free before I will allow you on my couch or in your bed or really anywhere without towels under you. So much easier to swap those out than try to change sheets (always in the middle of the night) or clean upholstery. Hope he feels better soon and doesn’t share it with anybody else!!

  6. Funniest thing that I have ever read!! (Though I know it wasn’t funny to you!!) Thanks for sharing your life with us!! 🙂

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