Raising Siblings

One of the things I pray for the hardest and plead to God about is the relationship between our kids.  They are sister and brothers.  They are best friends.  The bonds they share are deep and rooted.  I find myself constantly begging God to care and nurture their bonds throughout their lives.  I have the pleasure and hardship of mothering them.  I have the pleasure and hardship of watching them interact and fight and love each other.  I ask God to show Josh and I the best way to cultivate these tender bonds…to make them strong and unbreakable.  To show them each the best way to love one another.

I recently did an interview for our adoption agency about Solomon and Amon and noticed how the interview went towards our kiddo’s relationships with each other.  They all four share a very incredible attachment to one another.  They are each so unique which in turn makes their relationships with each other wonderfully unique and unmatched.  I laughed when I was getting quotes from each of them and Harper said, “It’s changed my life because my brothers get in my way a lot, but I still love them.”  They are kids and they are soooooo not perfect.  They fight like cats and dogs, but truly their love for each other is ginormous.  Huddy’s cracked me up as well, “Having brothers and a sister is good, but Harper never lets me in her room.”  So very true.

Harper and Amon have something special and unusual.  She’s giddy over him and little things about him absolutely make Harper’s day.  Not long ago she told us it’s easier to get up in the morning for school when she knows Amon is already awake.  She’s smitten.  And as is he.  He saves his biggest smiles for her.  He hugs her the tightest.  And when his speech therapist told us to make up signs for each family member, Amon nailed Harper’s immediately…and she beamed.

Hudson and Solomon of course share their own unique bond.  They don’t remember life without one another.  They are twins true and true.  I’ve been getting a little nervous about kindergarten and the decision to either keep them together or split them up.  I know they will be just fine either way, but I want them to be able to be independent of each other too.  The other day Huddy stayed home with me while Sol and Harper went out with Josh.  When they got back, Huddy ran down the driveway yelling “Sooooool.”  Sol ran up the driveway yelling, “Huuuuddy.”  And then they embraced as if they hadn’t seen each other in years…instead of the hour time frame.  It’s ridiculously sweet.  I want them to always be just that way.

And throw the four all together and life is crazy and hectic and fun and madness.  Everyday at some point I want to pull my hair out or run and hide, but when I think back over our days, the madness and insanity is so worth the relationships which are being forged.  They can drive each other nuts, but also play incredibly well together and are seriously each other’s biggest fans.  I do not want to be the kid that messes with one of them and endures the wrath of the others.  But sometimes feelings are hurt and individuals feel left out.  Frustrations flare.  They get angry with each other and make mistakes.  There are lots of apologies and a simple “Sorry” doesn’t cut it in our house.  We do real meaningful apologies…”I’m sorry because…”  “Do you forgive me?”  “I forgive you”.  And then there is forced hugging…lots of it.  In those hard moments I wish Jesus himself would just come on down and take over the parenting.  I don’t want to make mistakes…I don’t want to mess this ‘mom’ thing up, but when I do…when I don’t handle a situation right…when I fall flat on my face in the parenting realm…I say my apologies as well.

I get so caught up in all the wrong junk in this world.  I make things which are completely unimportant and frivolous my goals.  And then it hits me…these little humans…Josh…my relationships with those around me…those are the important things. I want all of 4 of them to know deep in their hearts the love of God and the love of each other.  I want them to be there for each other and chase after Jesus together…keeping each other accountable.  I want them to know they will always be loved and supported and cared for by one another no matter what.  Being siblings…being best friends…embracing each other fully…investing in each other’s hearts throughout their lives and Josh and I asking God to guide our every move along the way.

6 Comments

  1. KELLYE bELT says:

    Dear Laura,
    As an only child, sibling relationships have always baffled me a little. The dynamics of it all are sometimes quite strange! I do love your stories about your four. Each one of them has a personality so uniquely their own and yet they all wonderfully melt together to have the most special bond. I do know that picturing Hudson and Solomon running toward eachother with such an abundance of brotherly love will surely make me smile for days!! God bless you, Josh, and your sweet little family.

  2. This makes me want siblings 🙂 Love the way Amon is looking at Harper in the window. It cracks me up when you talk about Huddy and Sol going to Cracker Barrel every day when they are older. What more can you ask for?! 😉 My 2 are interacting more and I love hearing them laugh at each other.

  3. Oh my goodness I love this so much. I am the middle of 5 kids and now that we are all entering adulthood, there really are no other relationships in my life like my sibling relationships. I would do anything in the world for any one of them. We understand each other like no one else will ever understand us. Sure, I hurt doubly hard when they hurt, but there is so much love in between that the extra hurt can never take away from that. I think that’s why I share your love of Parenthood…it is so fun to watch a depiction of adult siblings’ lives while I am just starting to enter that season of life with my siblings. People always say they could never have X number of children, but I am so thankful my parents decided to get on board the “crazy” train and have 5 of us. Your kids’ extravagant love for each other will change their little world…for the rest of their lives.

  4. Such an important and necessary thing for parents to work on with their Littles! There are 4 of “us”. I’m 2nd oldest. Always the odd child. My sister was the “oldest”. My brother was the “only son” and my other sister, “the baby” of the family. I never, ever felt like I fit in. And, while my Mom did the same thing with apologies and the “hug it out” deal, somehow all of our relationships became fractured. I love my siblings. Two of them, I do not like. Makes me feel so sad. We were 4 little kids, raised mostly by a single Mama and we made lots of good memories. I have the good memories stuck in my head & heart for always. My siblings, not so much. I pray that there will be Healing in all of our hearts, so that we will once again be close.
    I love each of your children and their unique little selves! You’re a good Mama and you learned from one of the Best! It is so clear that your Mama taught/raised you well. Hugs from coollllddd MN.! : )

  5. Marianne cupples says:

    As a parent, all I can say is AMEN!!!!

  6. You & Josh will have crowns in heaven!!!! Those children are so lucky to have you both as parents!!
    I know your Mom is so proud of you!!

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