One Of Those

It’s one of those weeks where I already waved my white flag…yesterday.  One of those weeks where you let go of unrealistic expectations for yourself and you go ahead and swallow your pride and ask for help and accept the fact you and your family will probably eat far too much fast food this week and see each other less than usual and your normal routine will be tossed out for the week.  One of those weeks where you let your toddler play with the nail clippers because A) It’s keeping him busy and quiet and B) As long as he can’t get them open surely he won’t cut his own toe off.  And by letting it go…by already surrendering it up…I feel freer already.

I sat last night with friends who experienced great loss this weekend.  I have not cried that hard in a long time.  You know the cry…the one which leaves you red faced, head throbbing and flecks of tissue paper scattered on your face.  I studied my friend’s face over and just soaked it in and her look of surrender…of shock…of “what the hell just happened”.  And we spoke life into her and her husband, even though my life words are so different now.  They are…I’ll never say I know how you feel because I don’t…and…I’m just so sorry…and…this totally sucks…and…life won’t be the same, but God will…and…I love youand…do you want another whoopie pie 🙂  Those are life words now after experiencing grief.  I refuse to candy coat and say I get it because even still I just don’t…and that’s okay.  What we need is honesty and we need to be willing to stand in the gap for one another in the crappiest of times.  We need to commit to spurring one another along in love.  We need people to be the hands and feet of Jesus…and offer up His love and empathy…not fancy words and unrealistic notions and saying things you don’t really mean or plan on following through with.  I believe we serve a God who wants us as we are in every season and emotion…whether it be anger or bitterness or disbelief or doubt or just flat out defeated.  He wants and loves us as is.  He understands how hard this life and this world can be.

You know it’s a crazy week when you kick your Monday off with speech therapy and then baking 5 gooey butter cakes.  I’m such an emotional eater and by default I automatically assume baked goods are everyone’s love language.  When something like this weekend happens I immediately get time warped back to my Mom’s crazy week.  All the ups and downs, but God has been so faithful to remind me He did not leave me where I was.  I told my friend that last night.  Oh my goodness how bad it is going to suck and hurt and for a long time, but…but, one day you will be able to look back and see how He never left and how He nudged you, pushed you and carried you through what Satan had planned for destruction, but thank God…He is the King of Kings…and He had another plan.

As I stirred gooey butter cake batter after gooey butter cake batter after gooey butter cake batter I looked around and realized I am slowly turning into my mother…kitchen a wreck, powdered sugar strewn all over my counter, butter everywhere.  Tending to hearts by way of 9×13 pans.  And all I could think about was God’s written words to us in Isaiah 61:1-3

“The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
    because the Lord has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
    to proclaim freedom for the captives
    and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
    and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
    instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
    instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
    instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
    a planting of the Lord
    for the display of his splendor.”

Those words are not empty.  Those words are not meaningless.  They are truth and life and game changers.  They are God’s words to us…His testament…His promises…He will not leave you where you are.

4 Comments

  1. Thank GOD He does NOT leave us where we are. Every day Thank Him that He does Not. Leave. Us. Where. We. Are.

  2. That’s been the hardest part for me. Watching other people following the path we went down and having nothing god or encouraging to tell them. Having no way to comfort them with words or a shared story of hope. But you nailed it. Life will never be the same – but God is. I am so sorry this week has been hard. I am so sorry for your friends. I will be praying for them.

  3. Nothing *good.

  4. Oh girl… I am so sorry. Weeks that try to take us out before the alarm sounds on Monday morning… Thankful for your perspective. Weeks will suck and our heads will pound from crying, but He is still good.

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