Ocean Eyes

All the Kelley kids are on spring break, so given the chance all 7 of us headed south to spend some much needed time with my Aunt Linda and Uncle Tom.

It’s funny how when Mom died so many things changed instantly.  Being around Aunt Linda & Uncle Tom brings back a sense of belonging and family that feels like Mom.  I sat today with Aunt Linda talking about recipes and just started to cry.  I miss my mom.  I miss this feeling of belonging no matter what.  I miss knowing she loved me and was proud of me.  I just miss her.

And with all the missing God’s faithfulness is constant.  His evidence is everywhere.  He just never leaves even when we think we’ve kicked Him to the curb.  Even when we think we’re not worth saving.  Even when we’re drowning in grief…or anything.  Even when we think we just cannot handle our current situation.  Even when we’ve waved our white flag and have given up.  He just stays.  And loves big and hard and reminds us we will always belong to Him.

When Harper was little we talked often about how she had ocean eyes…big, deep chocolate eyes taking it all in.  In the midst of all the ups and downs of life, the unknowns, the hard work, the pain & insecurities, the everyday ins and outs and the joy I hope we still choose to take it all in and see how He’s there.  That we still look for Him in and around and entwined in everything…because He’s there.

So far God has used 2015 to both amazingly surprise us and stretch all of us in so many different ways.  He’s teaching our hearts to love like Him.  He’s reminding our hearts He is here and He continues to change and press in on us hard encouraging us with the statement “I want more.”  Through every little ebb and flow His love is crazy steadfast and tells us all along the way He is here.

 

3 Comments

  1. My heart is with you, beautiful woman…though my mom’s sister is amazing, and has always been a second mom to me….she’s just not “Mom”. My birthday is one of the hardest days for me. No one to retell the stories of my birth, my childhood…no one who knows exactly what cake I’d like for my special day. God IS amazing, and he is enough…but I will keep you in my prayers, for peace and comfort in the times of grief tsunamis. Thank you for sharing your beautiful heart, and beautiful family!

  2. can we please be BFFs?? The pictures are so wonderful!

  3. This post hit home. i am sorry about the loss of your mom. I also lost my mom just a year 1/2 ago. Being with family (her sisters) makes me feel like a piece of her is still with us. I don’t see them often, but they are my true connection to her. Keep your head up!! I love reading about your “crazy” life 🙂

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