No Snow Days for Grief

The snow and rain are finally gone here in Tennessee.  The kids we’re off school for 6 days straight + two weekends and then sickness kicked in last week and honestly everyone was ready to get back to school and our normal routine.  One thing we’ve learned about our grief is that routine helps us cope.  It allows us to feel some sense of knowing what is coming even when our grief can quickly derail any day and at any time.  We needed our routine back and although the snow was fun & magical for a short amount of time, it also proved cold and hard and when it all melted away everyone was a bit glad to go back to school and move back into our expected day-in and day-out routine.

The snow even kept Josh Kelley at home for several days and he posted up at our bright yellow table for work each morning.  It was good to have him home with us and the only downside to the snow disappearing was the question from the kids each morning, “Does dad have to go back to work today?”  Everyone loves having him at home.

There was snacking for eternity and cocoa & mini marshmallows from Aunt Jen.  There we’re endless crafts and movie watching galore.  Late nights and long sleepy mornings.

There was ample time for new hobbies taken up and gaming till’ we we’re sure we had killed all their extra little brain cells. 🙂  There was an endless amount of snuggling.

There was playing in the snow, sopping wet mittens, muddy snowy foot prints everywhere and loads of extra laundry for Josh and myself to push through.

And there was grief.  Grief does not get snow days…there is no break from the sadness…there’s no hiding away and not enough movies to watch to diminish our pain and the fact that we thought about Everett and how much he would have loved our ample snow days at home together.  The snow brought a twinge of excitement, but Everett was never off our minds.

On one of our last snow days together with the snow almost gone we all loaded up and drove down the street to his grave.  We wanted a little something special to put out for the New Year and when I saw the colorful strand of stars at Target I knew there was no reason to look any further.  There was just a bit of snow left and lots of mud, but we put out his stars and thought about our brave, strong boy.

So we powered through and made the best of it we could.  We welcomed the snow melting and our routine returning and now we all are thinking about spring, the new life which comes with it and our hearts long for the warm sunshine.  We’re holding onto hope and waiting in anticipation for the newness spring seems to bring with it.