This journey is hard and Monday night was tough and today was really tough. There is absolutely no where else I would rather be in the entire world except right beside Amon and pretty sure wild horses couldn’t drag me out of here…I like to be made of steel, but this is just really hard…watching them do all that has to be done to him and seeing him in pain and discomfort and watching him struggle and hitting some road blocks…pulls my heart strings right out.
So far my goal for each day is to try and keep tears limited during day time hours and then bawl like a baby at night…you know, kind of like a job…business during the day, cry baby at night. So far it’s working out okay.
I’m ready to sleep for days if I could just get my nerves to settle. I am so thankful for healthy children. My heart aches for parents who are watching their child go through much worse than Amon…I can only, only, only imagine how they feel. Praying for the families and children all around us here.
I am beyond thankful for this hospital and its medical staff. His nurses have just been crazy amazing and I think I will forever bring baked goods here now. All that these nurses do is just unreal. They have given me a voice as his mama and have been his advocate and have encouraged me and been honest with me and let me participate in his healing. They have just done so much for Amon and have been something incredible to my heart. This is a time when I could easily be overcome with grief in missing my mom and random nurses…people I do not know…have stood in the gap and given me hugs and reassurance and cried along side with me. Truly amazing.
God really goes before us and walks out each step before we take it. I am taking great comfort in that tonight. That God knew exactly how our day would play out and He already knows what the night will hold. I’m glad He knows my heart and sees Amon’s and that He completely understands…deep, deep in His heart…how painful and hard this is. I’m glad He has walked this road ahead of Amon and our little family. Our captain truly controls the winds and the waves and our ship is a mighty strong one.
I’m now sitting and thinking about the good things this day held. It’s easy to let the rough patches win…control your thoughts…I want the good to win. I want the blessings which are so abundant to be what I look for. It’s definitely not easy…no way…but I get a choice…at the top of my lungs, hallelujah. Yes, that is my choice for tonight. Tomorrow will be a whole new decision making and I may fall flat on my face and wallow and pitch a fit, but tonight I’m making the big decision to see the blessings this day contained.
I’m thankful Amon’s heart is growing stronger and stronger every day. I’m thankful for great head ultrasound results today. I’m thankful for sweet singers who made there way room by room singing to these sweet heart children and for how attentive Amon was to them as they sang.
I’m thankful for Josh who is holding down the Kelley fort so well. I’m thankful for Aunt Jen and Aunt Susan who are taking and picking Harper up from school everyday so Josh can cross another thing off his to-do list. I’m thankful for Sara & Loni who blessed our fridge and freezer with enough food to feed an army. I’m thankful for my mom’s co-workers who have brought Josh and the kids meal after meal. I’m thankful Harper sent flowers just for me.
I’m thankful for Courtney & Patrick who not only watched the wee Kelleys so Josh could come visit us at the hospital tonight, but even did our dishes. I’m thankful for a husband who showed up with the gift of crazy good music for his weary wife. I’m thankful for visits from family and friends that help pass the time.
I’m thankful for calls and texts of prayer and encouragement from family and friends. I’m thankful for craftiness that fills my hands. I’m thankful for pull out couches and comfy pillows and blankets. I’m thankful for Nene & Big Daddy who have been keeping Huddy & Sol quite busy. I’m thankful tomorrow the wee Kelleys get to see their little brother.
I’m thankful for Amon and his sweet heart who have brought us on this journey and for communication with God that has sustained us on our way. Clearly the good outweighs the bad because our blessings are abundant and overflowing. God has walked this road…He has gone before us and He knows our steps. Praise be to Him…His mercies are new every morning. Thank you for the prayers…they are deeply appreciated.
Happy Late Tuesday Night!