He Is Able

Back in April at Camp Create Amber encouraged us to listen to what name God was calling us.  At first she had us list out all the names we could recall being called during our life.  As you can imagine, some names we’re really hard to think about…some we’re empowering…some we’re sweet…some we’re dibiltating.  I’ve always been this mix of self doubt with an air of confidence if that makes any sense at all.  This year I’ve struggled with feeling like I was capable…like I could really pull off what I felt God calling me to.  While at Camp Create I felt God impressing on my heart that in fact I can’t pull off what He was calling me too, but He can.  Through Him I was in fact capable…not because of myself, but because He is able in me…He makes me capable.

These past few months I have never self doubted more.  I survey what I feel like God is calling myself and our family to and I literally say to Him “You can’t really think we can do this?”  I doubt.  I question.  I find us absolutely ill equipped.  I think to myself “No way…there is just no way.”  And yet capable just keeps running through my mind.

Here’s what I love about God.  He will meet us wherever we are.  He will come right smack dab in the middle of our junk and meet us right there.  When we left for Swaziland my heart was so heavy for several reasons.  I found myself awake at night with jet lag just praying and praying over things for our family.  Josh was praying while we were away as well.  I know what God calls us to He will equip us for, but it’s so much easier typed out than acted upon.

One afternoon after a full day at Ngungwane our sweet friends gathered us in the carepoint building.  All the kids gathered behind them and led us in the sweetest worship songs.  Then one-by-one the ladies unrolled these gorgeous handmade mats each adorned with a different message.  I went down the line reading each message and then I saw it “God is Able” and the tears began to pool.  In my mind, I quickly went down each line of women counting and realized my friend next to me would be receiving the “God is able”.  I was still overwhelmed by God’s message finding me all the way in Swaziland.  And then before they presented us with these amazing gifts our friend William went to the head of the line putting Phumzile standing directly in front of me, placing God Is Able in my hands and hugging my neck.

In days where the world feels like too much…In days when hatred seems far bigger than love & goodness…  In days where I say straight to God’s face, “we just can’t”…In days when I find self doubt to be absolutely smothering…God seeks me out sometimes all the way in Africa and reminds me He is Able.  What He calls us to He will in fact equip us for.  We are capable…not due to our own might, but due to His.  When things are a mess and it seems nothing will ever be right and good, He is able to do immeasurably more than we could ever imagine because He is God and He is good.

I’m choosing to lean in extra hard to hope today.  I’m choosing to lean in extra hard to faith in God’s plan. I’m choosing to lean in extra hard to an astounding love which abounds and trumps darkness and pain.  I’m choosing to lean in extra hard to the fact that He is able.