Choosing To Celebrate

Everyday I wake up is another day I get to choose how I live.  My day is full of choices.  God left us with the Holy Spirit and choice…this free will.

Today marks 3 years since Mom suddenly died.  It still baffles my mind because 3 years seems like a long time ago.  3 years ago Amon wasn’t even born.  3 years ago none of our kids were in school yet.  3 years ago I was still in my twenties.  3 years ago I was a very different person.  Yes, 3 years seems like a very long time ago.  And still, it seems like a snap of my fingers.  I miss her hugs and her kisses and her voice and her phone calls and her laugh and her prayers and her wisdom and the way she loved my kids and made over Josh Kelley and how she drove me crazy.  She was this fun, wild, wonderful, Jesus loving lady of a person.

Mom loved others because God loved her.  She invested in people’s lives because God was so deeply invested in hers.  She cared because God cares.  She was compassionate and generous because God showered her with compassion and was so generous in love to her.  She told people about Jesus’ love for them because He commanded her to.  All the good things about Mom were because of God’s goodness in her.  Same for us all.  Everyday I want to take deeply into my heart the meaning of life is Jesus…anything that’s even remotely good in me has nothing to do with me at all and everything to do with Jesus Christ living in me.  Alone, I’m a lost, lost sinner…God covers that all up…washes it away…restores and renews.  I’m nothing without Him.

I’ve made several lists since Mom died about what exactly has shown itself as the beauty in the ashes for me…for my heart.  Oh how I can celebrate that what Satan planned for harm and destruction, God used for good.  He is so so good and sovereign and mighty.  He heals and comforts and redeems.  Since Mom died occasions, celebrations, death anniversaries, etc have taken on a new meaning for me.  I’ve decided they’re not meant to be done alone, but instead shared.  I have much to celebrate.  I have so much joy in the Lord.

Everyday we get these choices.  We get one shot at this life and honestly, I don’t want to waste it.  I want to do the important things…I want to make those right choices.  When faced with grief and sadness and loss in such a broken world we simply need Jesus.  We can’t fix ourselves…never have been…that’s the love and hope and mercy and grace and redemption in Christ.  I don’t always make the right choices.  I screw up a lot.  People and things get under my skin.  I don’t like everyone I meet.  Every day God meets me right where I am and pushes me to try and make this vapor I’ve been given worth something…and that something is for God’s glory…for His name to be made known.  I want to love, invest and care for people…those are the important things.

I cried as I prayed with the kids going to school this morning.  God has just drastically wrecked our hearts…changed our perspectives…shaken us up…and He has brought me so far in this journey of healing and learning to take true comfort in Him.  I’m humbled and honored and grateful to be His daughter.  So today I had a choice and I have much to celebrate and be grateful for.  The world needs more joy…more encouragement…more “You are not in this alone”…more Jesus.  In true Sandra Hall form I wrote letters.  This is what she did.  36 to be exact…for the 36 months since I last kissed her face.  It may sound corny, but when preparing to write these letters I prayed for the recipients.  I prayed God would give me words to write…I wanted these to be meaningful and to encourage.  If I planned correctly, they should be arriving in people’s mailboxes today.

Today I thank God for having her as my mom.  For blessing me with the time He did.  For making her such a beautiful woman in Christ.  So much to celebrate.  So much to be thankful for.  Too much love to keep to myself.  Here’s to you Sandra Hall!

10 Comments

  1. Beautifully written Laura. Your mom left such a legacy here on earth in you and Chris and your families. I have no doubt she’s loudly praising in Heaven!

  2. Love the photos, Laura. Your Mom was beautiful, just like you.

  3. Ashley mills says:

    Love.

  4. kirstenreed2014 says:

    What a beautiful way to celebrate your mom’s impact on your life and how God has brought you through your grief! Love.

  5. What a lovely, beautiful tribute to your mom. I have been reading your blog since I heard you on Jamie Ivey’s podcast. It never fails to inspire me and make me think. Thank you for putting it out there. 🙂

  6. ashley rey says:

    Wow. Such beautiful words. Your mom was so amazing!!!

  7. You are such an inspiration to me.. Always thinking of how to spread joy and God’s love to others.

  8. Such a lovingly beautiful tribute. I lost my son, my only child Dec 26, 2012. I could turn all your words to my son.. And holidays don’t make it easy.. I choose JOY.. But, sometimes it’s very hard to find. Thank you.

  9. Sending love your way Laura. The pic of your mom and Sol is one of my favorite pictures of all time. The little bit I knew of her from you and meeting her comes through in that picture. Emotional, sweet, happy and beautiful

  10. Alice Humphrey says:

    Laura, Thank you for sharing your sweet thoughts with us. Sandra was such a special friend.
    Always remembered!

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