BLM Vigil

I re-read yesterday’s post and honestly felt like a straight up fraud.  Yesterday I chose to go back into my “share randomness” mode because I just wasn’t sure what else to say.  I received a really honest, genuine and sincere card in the mail this week and cried my ever loving eyeballs out.  I text my friend and told her how much her words meant to me and my heart.  I also told her how cuss word sad I’ve been.  And that is the truth.  I have just been so so sad lately.  I am covered in children whom I totally love every day, but it’s been hard to balance lots of emotions and feelings plus children so come bedtime I stay awake a majority of the night crying and praying and thinking.  And it all sounds so ridiculous because here I sit a white privileged woman.  I haven’t an ounce of a clue.  I read something yesterday that said “When you talk about what is happening to black people in this country, you’re probably going to do it wrong.  Actually, you’re definitely going to do it wrong.  So what.  Listen to why and how you’re doing it wrong and say it better. Do better.”  I copied this, but now can’t find the article it was from.  I don’t want fear of getting it wrong or saying it wrong to keep me silent.  I want to listen and learn and stand.

Last Friday we woke to the Dallas shooting and decided how we would not choose sides, but would stand with both groups of hurting people.  Our way wasn’t ground breaking or life altering…it was just us…what we know…baking and drawing & coloring.  So we baked treats for our local police station on our road and worked on drawing & coloring posters for the Black Lives Matter vigil in Nashville we were attending that night.

I loved seeing what each of my kiddos chose for their posters.  And I love that Solomon felt comfortable enough to choose Blak Livs Mater for his own.  Part of my job as a momma is to be a safe place…for my kids to know they are heard and listened to and to allow them to process things…especially hard things.  Sol debated between Black People Count or Black Lives Matter.  We had already discussed with them about the vigil along with different things they might see and hear.  We had already addressed what Black Lives Matter meant and what it stands for and explained we stand with this movement too.

I have seen and heard and read all kinds of words and noise since Alton Sterling, Philando Castile and the Dallas Five took place and a lot of it is hurtful and divisive…just what Satan loves.  When it comes the the Black Lives Matter movement this is the best things I’ve read about it hands down:

“Instead of saying all lives matter, Jesus said, “Samaritan lives matter.”
Instead of saying all lives matter, Jesus said, “Children’s lives matter.”
Instead of saying all lives matter, Jesus said, “Gentile lives matter.”
Instead of saying all lives matter, Jesus said, “Jewish lives matter.”
Instead of saying all lives matter, Jesus said, “Women’s lives matter.”
Instead of saying all lives matter, Jesus said, “Lepers’ lives matter.”

Even though Jesus loves everyone, even to the point of dying for their sins, he went out of his way to intentionally help specific groups of people — the alienated, mistreated, and those facing injustice.

So saying “Black Lives Matter” and participating in a movement seeking justice, positive reform, and empowerment is one of the most Christ-like things we can do.”

-Stephen Mattson

Before heading out to the vigil we dropped our littlest off with Josh’s sister.  She’s 2 and we just weren’t sure how late we would be and 2-year-olds are hard.  Then Amon decided he wanted to stay with Aunt Jen too, so it ended up being just the big kids.

I’ll be completely honest I got nervous driving down to the vigil/protest.  The news of Dallas had people reeling and we even got a request asking us not to attend.  There was some fear looming, but this was something we needed to do as a family.  We needed to stand even if it was with shaky knees.

The whole experience was just beautiful and holy.  I cried.  The kids asked questions.  They held their signs high…especially Hudson.  They lit their candles…Solomon oh so tenderly kept his ablaze shielding it from wind.  We listened and chanted.  We joined together with a 1000 other people from every race, color, ethnicity and walk of life.  Once we were there, all fear diminished.

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18

The Nashville police were kind and respectful as were the protestors.  I saw hugs exchanged.  People going out of their way to chat and talk and pray with the police officers.  They had people speak on behalf of different communities standing with our brothers and sisters against racial injustice…LGBT, Muslim, White, Latino.  At the end, we all spread out and made a giant circle to pray.  It was absolutely gorgeous.

We headed home afterwards.  It was this strange feeling of deep sadness because these vigils & protests happen and yet honor to stand together.  I want our children to see with their own eyes and know we will stand…we will not be silent anymore.

I wanted to share some more links.  At this point so many other people are saying things far better than I ever could.

Dear White Christian Women, so so good.

“I know it’s my privilege to serve a savior that is near to the broken hearted. But I want to walk alongside a community of believers that are near to me as well. Sadly…that’s just not the case. For every ‪#‎AltonSterling‬ and ‪#‎TamirRice‬, I notice an overwhelming silence from my white Christian sisters. It’s deafening. I support every missional cause that my white Christian sisters push on social media for every impoverished country. But where is my community of believers when injustice is happening right in our own backyard? Is it less of a cause because there are no artisanal crafts to sell in honor of the slain?”

The Moment I Watched Alton Sterling Die

“I don’t have all the answers. But I believe that if we begin to use our voices in whatever form that takes we can move our communities in the right direction. The solutions that we are searching for are within each and every one of us. If you are reading this you need to know that everything you need to impact your community, your city, your world is already on the inside of you. As we uncover our individual purposes collectively we become stronger. We become whole.”

No Love No Freedom

“My husband and I were at a restaurant recently when I spotted a young black man wearing a T-shirt with the words “I am harmless” on the front. Those three words on a T-shirt capture the fear of most of my black male friends and those of us who love them, and to a good extent the fear of my black female friends as well.  Wherever a society lacks love, that’s precisely where it lacks freedom. Sometimes that lack of love is expressed in the laws of the land themselves (since laws are written by fallen and empowered people who often don’t love well); other times, it’s expressed despite the myriad of laws that are meant to guarantee freedom. That’s because freedom does not precede, nor can it produce, love; it’s love that precedes and creates freedom. For all.”

An Open Letter From An Admitted Racist 

“Was I too weak to participate in someone else’s world? Am I too weak to feel uncomfortable with someone else’s truth? My identity is so tied to being a strong woman, my ego really couldn’t swallow this idea of not being strong enough.  So, I stepped forward. I started engaging. I started asking questions. I started listening. I started being okay with being uncomfortable. I showed up.  And this “other” world broke open to me. It has been a steep journey but I have made progress. Step by step, I have allowed myself to live in the unknown. The experience not only has awakened me, it has made me more whole. More integrated.  I have come to realize that so many concepts and phrases I believed made me NOT a racist were the things that proved that I am a racist.”

When another morning is greeted with more deaths and more hate in our world…while we join in prayer for France we are clinging to Jesus and his ability to do immeasurably more than we could ever imagine.  So when things feel hopeless, we trust in Him to make things hope filled.