Last year when this day rolled around we hit the road and drove to Florida to see Aunt Linda and Uncle Tom. It was exactly how last year…the 1 year anniversary of loosing her…needed to be. People are different and I have learned more than ever before just that. People are different. And they grieve differently too. Last year I wanted to be in a dark car on a long drive with all my favorite people. Knowing that when we arrived on Aunt Linda and Uncle Tom’s doorstep a really tight hug awaited me. That was last year.
This year…the two year mark…two whole freakin’ years since I’ve seen her, talked to her, kissed her, hugged her, been someone’s daughter…it all makes my stomach do flips…but this year I wanted today to be different. In some ways it’s easier and in a whole other set of ways it’s harder. Things are just so different and like I never could have imagined. And it’s hard…it’s really hard. I feel like I should be handling things better and yet, I feel like I typically handle them horribly. I felt like I needed to be really intentional with today. It was looming and I was dreading it’s arrival, so that’s what I needed to do…I needed to be intentional. And I needed to go ahead and make a firm choice to choose kindness and love for today. Satan is constantly waiting to get his foot in the door with me. He sees my anger and my bitterness and my self pity and my sadness and he’s using every sinful thing I serve up to him to drive me straight into the ground. I needed serious ammo this year and Jesus laid the perfect thing on my heart.
One of Mom’s most favorite things were flowers. Geraniums being at the tip top of her list. And who doesn’t like getting flowers. Whose day wouldn’t be just a tad brighter with a mason jar full of flowers. She’s been gone 2 years now…24 months…so I got busy filling 24 jars full of flowers to deliver today. And then I made a list. And today the boys and I got busy delivering. I watched as the boxes slowly emptied over the course of the day. We did some serious driving miles. And I got a lot of hugs. And I felt like today was a gift…not a curse…not something to be dreaded, but something to be celebrated…to be embraced.
The best “advice” I was given on grief was from an excerpt out of a grief devotional book:
When your burden is heaviest, you can always lighten a little some other burden. At the times when you cannot see God, there is still open to you this sacred possibility, to show God; for it is the love and kindness of human hearts through which the divine reality comes home to men, whether they name it or not. Let this thought, then, stay with you: there may be times when you cannot find help, but there is no time when you cannot give help. -George S. Merriam
As I look through the pictures from today I am grateful. These are real people…these are people I cherish…who Mom cherished. Some are new moms, working moms, stay-at-home moms and single moms. Young people. Old people. And all the ages in between. People who are struggling with illness. People who are just plain tired. People who Mom surrounded herself with everyday. Sisters and aunts. People who work hard at their jobs and take pride in their work. People who are struggling with life’s curve balls. People who don’t get the acknowledgement they deserve. People who have lost loved ones themselves. Widows and widowers. People who are stuck in ruts. People from all walks of life. I am blessed in a unique way by each of them.
I didn’t get to see every person, but most of them. I had to leave a few vases on door steps and there were those slightly uncomfortable silent moments when me and the other person really didn’t know what to say…and that was okay. I just wanted today to be different. I wanted love and kindness to win. I wanted people to remember. And I think it turned out to be a pretty good day after all.
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i love the pictures of the hands. they made me think of all the wonderful things that those hands have done. they’ve helped and held others; they’ve had a gentle touch, cooked meals, folded laundry, played in the dirt, held hands, etc. i guess all the wonderful things that your mom (and mine) did during her life on earth.
I’m not sure how it has taken me 2 yrs to put together that Nov 20th hold special meaning for both of us (while we don’t know one another). 3 years ago my granny passed away. I have a small idea how you feel. Here’s to each year being different & satan being kept out!
Laura,
I look forward yo your post everyday. Keep moving forward, you are a blessing.
Laura-
I cant imagine how weak and defeated you must feel. How sad and alone at times. I just want you to know that i am proyd to know you. Proud to be able to share your life through your amazing photographs. I know you dont realize it and probably dont believe it but you are in inspiration. You are so tough, and you are fighter and you push through even if it is uncomfortable and down right painful. You persevere because you want to bef the awesome mom and woman your mom was and that is such an inspiration to others .
What a very sweet way to remember your mom!
Wow…just wow. That photo series literally took my breath away and left me in tears. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: you are so inspiring. What a beautiful tribute. No doubts that she is so proud of you
Quite possibly my favorite post!! Aubrey & I both sat here & cried reading it!! You are such an inspiration, Laura! Thanks for being so raw & so incredibly thoughtful!
Thank you for the best possible reminder to live every day with purpose and to love, every day, every person that you can ! God bless you !!
Wow!! Like crazy wow!! I lost my mom on Nov 23, 2011 and she also loved geraniums!! Last year I was battling breast cancer so this year it is hitting me even harder than last!! I completely and totally understand how you feel and i love the way you chose to celebrate her!!! I know she and my mom found each other immediately and became angel friends! Hugs and prayers!!!
Oh and my moms bday is on 10th of July!
Lovely idea!! And a great way to remember. God Bless you!! xo
Wow……so grateful God directed me to your blog right before your dear mom passed. Thank you for showing us how not on our own strength but with Christ’s help we can serve others when we so desperately dont want to.
I too look forward to your posts everyday.
Hugs to you during this time! Your mom would be so geeked with what you did!
Beautiful! Your mom would be so proud of you, Laura. Your post really spoke to me. I’m not in the midst of grief, but am in the midst of an extremely difficult time in my life, which has been going on for two years now. I’m going to choose to be intentional on the really rough days. Thank you for listening to the Lord. He used you to touch more lives than just the people you delivered flowers to. xxx
Beautiful post and idea. Love the pics. I’m sure you made a lot of lives better.
That was beautiful.
I love you and your big heart and wish I could give you a hug. Consider this a virtual hug. You have totally inspired me too…next summer will be the 5 year mark since my dad died. Maye I will pass some joy along in memory of him too.
I know those No. 7 hands! What a beautiful way to remember your mom, and share a little piece of the brightness she brought to those around her.
Amazing. You could have curled up in a ball all day. You chose the best thing instead!
This post touches my heart in a beautiful way. I love what you did and I love that you fought Satan in such a powerful visible way…..bringing love and joy to others! I’m often attacked by Satan too and have pity parties and it’s been almost 13 years since I lost my daughter, held her in my arms, kissed her sweet cheeks. Grief is an odd little thing….anyway, thank you for a great idea to mark her birthday. Hugs to you sweets!!
You truly are an inspiration! Your mom would be so proud, and I too enjoy and look forward to your daily post. You make me want to be a better person.
Wow I love that you did this. I hope I can do something like that on my moms 24 months too. You are such a thoughtful daughter. this really hit home..
You are a beautiful person, Laura.
Laura,
This was a beautiful way to honor your Mother. I was so encouraged by this post. I have been following your blog for over 2 years. I remember reading about your Mother. My heart aches for you. Praying God gives you the peace that passes all understanding. You are a blessing!
That last picture killed me. Hugs to you.
As a therapist, this MOVED me!!! Enough so that I am recommending this blog article to a client who is grieving – the best she knows how. What a precious gift…thank you!
Beautiful Laura. Made me cry big weepy tears. I’m sure God, Jesus and your mom were smiling huge at you today
Another one of your posts that made me cry. Your heart is beyond.
My mom died when I was two. There is not words to adequately describe the hugeness of the loss. But every day you inspire me to keep going. Thank you for all the love & inspiration you send out into the world. Thinking of you today..
perfect!
When I opened this post this afternoon there were 24 comments, on a post about 24 jars for 24 months. It was too perfect, so I waited to comment so I wouldn’t mess it up. :-}
As I scrolled through the pictures, I was reading the numbers aloud in my head “twenty one, twenty two” and thinking like Sandra said about the hands and the lives touched. Then the last picture came like a punch in the gut – no hands to hold the jar. I kept the tears back since I was at work, but I know how all the other commenters who cried felt. Such a powerful way to remember your mom’s life – and such a powerful way to share it with all of us.
Thank you.
You are truly the most inspiring person that I have ever met. I continue to strive to be generous, giving. loving, God-led, intentional…all of the things that I admire in you! I am so blessed that you choose to share your life with us! This was such an amazing way to honor your mother! Thank you so much for YOU!
What an incredible way to remember your mom! Your blog constantly reminds me to serve others…as you model so well. Thank you for sharing. You have such a beautiful heart.
Sometimes I don’t feel like she’s gone because you do such a good job at filling her shoes (that I thought would be impossible to fill) She would be so, so proud. So, so proud. So, so, so proud. When you throw your head back and laugh your loud awesome laugh, it is her. When you love so well on others (which, let’s face it, is ALL the time), it is her. When you listen to me ramble about random crap that no one else would want to listen to, you are her. I am so thankful for your friendship and so thankful God saw fit to put Sandra Hall in my life and give her two wonderful children that would make their way to Greenbrier, TN. Love you friend.
I don’t know how many people will see this at the bottom of 32 comments on this post, but I figured it was better here than under 400+ comments on the giveaway post above.
There is another Ethiopian adopting family for whom late November is also very hard. Their adopted little girl was killed by a car this past May and today (the 22nd) would have been her third birthday. Her parents are spreading the love amid the pain, though (sort of like you have) and I posted about it here (they go to my church): http://roadonmyjourney.wordpress.com/2013/11/22/pass-it-on/ Or you can see her mom’s original post here: http://dullmomentsnever.blogspot.com/2013/11/happy-birthday-wish.html
I know they would appreciate your prayers as they experience their grief.
WOW! That was AMAZING and so INSPIRING!
(I have been behind in my emails and just read this one…. Unbelievable in the most uplifting way.)
Ahhhh Laura , You are amazing. You are such a Beautiful person – your mom must have been amazing to raise such an incredible daughter. You’ve got this grief thing. Your honoring your mom with your entire life.
How awesome of you to do this. Seriously. I’m kind of ashamed that I haven’t done anything like that in honor of my dad. It’s been almost 4 years since we lost him. I have been finding myself feeling especially emotional lately and I know it’s because that anniversary is looming and because Thanksgiving was really the last time I saw him, talked to him, and spent time with him. I found out yesterday that one of his friends suddenly died on Monday. My heart is aching for that family right now, especially his kids because I know he was their best friend. So many people are saying, “I can’t imagine how his kids are feeling,” but I can’t say that. I know what they must feel like. I don’t like this “club” we’ve all been forced into of being too young to deal with losing a parent-especially one that was so much a part of your every day-but I am glad to know that we’re not all alone in our grief that can sneak up out of nowhere. I’m rambling, but I just wanted sympathize and send you some big ol’ hugs from California. <3