10 Things

So how do you guys feel about numbered random posts for the rest of my blogging life?!?!?!  Because that’s all I’ve got lately.  Meh.

1. I was looking back at some of our Disney pictures and 3 caught my eyes.  At this point I would only go back to Disney for the rainbow magic bands, all the Dole Whips and my giant big kids waiting in lines.

2.  Everett’s best friend Tai is home.  We we’re actually in Disney World when they arrived back in Nashville, but last week I went to see him solo and it was pretty terrible/great.  Of course I just sobbed upon seeing him again because, well, why wouldn’t I sob.  He is a physical living connection to Everett.  I just watched him move about being a busy little boy and reminding me so much of our Everett.  I wanted to hold him, but refrained because that would totally weird him out.  At one point he wanted me to help him get down out of a chair and I just wanted to never let go.  The longing to feel Everett in my actual physical arms makes me physically sick some days.  It is a longing & need like I’ve never experienced and everyday I wonder if one day it will subside or if it will always persist.

3. Hudson’s 9th birthday was last Friday.  Gah, I just like this kid!  He was so excited and we celebrated almost the whole weekend long.  He requested all his Aunt Becky’s Chinese recipes for dinner…pork dumplings, spicy garlic broccoli, fried rice and teriyaki chicken.  There we’re also strawberry cupcakes with yellow icing and candy legos on top.  He is such a special kid and what a year he has had so far.  He has handled himself with such love and compassion and bravery and we could not be prouder.

4.  When Josh Kelley gets a hold of your birthday board.

5.  Today I posted some zipper pouches in my shop.  I’m going to try and keep my shop more stocked, but I also have make lofty plans right now and then they fizzle…so we shall see.  You can snag a pouch HERE.

6.  Vegas.  This world is full of such deep pain, broken hearts and unexplainable loss. And it’s also brimming with lovely beauty. I just keep thinking about how much harder I can love and how much harder I can fight for others…right where I am. Here’s to linking arms again & again and knowing deeply we belong to each other.

7.  A random candy bowl is now a staple to all celebrations or game nights at our house.  It’s just too easy and so loved that I can’t pass it up.  I often rummage through our cabinets and throw in all the random candies and then it’s gone…like magic.

8.  I walked in the house the other day and found this.  We find Nerf darts EVERYWHERE ALL THE TIME.  I always wanted to be a mom of all boys…I’ll settle for mom to 4 boys!  I just love/annoys the fire out of me their crazy ways!

9.  I’ve been baking more lately.  I realized one day recently as I sat in a PTO meeting that I just needed to do something.  It was the weirdest of epiphany places.  Anything would work though, but it had to be for someone else…it needed to be outward and not inward.  So treats and goodies are my speed right now.  Trying to take back who I am one batch of cookies at a time.

And 10.  I still struggle with the finality of Everett’s death.  Some days I still count out 8 plates or forks at dinner time or look at photos and think “This cannot be real.”  So many things during one single day can completely catch me off guard.  I still tell myself some days, “This is not our reality.  Everett cannot be dead.”  We just want our boy back so much…to hear his little laugh and his little voice call me mama and rub his head full of black hair and feel the weight of his little body in my arms.  It all feels so incredibly backwards and like the cruelest of jokes.  The questions and doubt just continue to pour in.

Thank you guys again and again for still sticking around through the mess of our life…for dropping in to read.  And thank you for all the love, support and kindness.  You encourage us!!!


  1. We are all messes. I, for one, plan on sticking around to read whatever you choose to write. It’s real life… glimpses of beauty while walking through heartache. We love your family!

  2. Carolyn Phillips says:


  3. You are in my thoughts and prayers so often. I count as a priviledge to storm the throne of heaven in your name. We all have times in our lives when we need “storm troopers.”

  4. Mylinda Parker says:

    I look for your words everyday! You through your heartache are such an inspiration to so many! Prayers continue for you and your family!!

  5. Cara Crisostomo says:

    Oh, Laura, I’m crying. When I travel without my kids I miss the weight of my 4 year old in my arms and the feel of him nuzzling his face into the side of my neck. I’ll say to my husband “I just miss the feel of him.”
    I’m sobbing thinking of you having these same feelings about Everett and having them not be a short-term missing from travel.
    I’m just so sorry.
    It’s so effing unfair.

  6. Thanks for being so real! Continued prayers for you and your family. I have been thinking about you as we get to know Tai! He is such a sweetheart and he has our hearts already. We would not have him in our life if it weren’t for you and sweet Everett! We will be forever greatful for your gift of love and I know that sweet Everett is smiling down from heaven watching over the Kelley and Carman families! Continued prayers.

  7. christie grant says:

    Grief is so hard! Lord, hear our cries and be our refuge!

  8. Oh how I love your random lists 🙂 We are here for you, today and everyday <3

  9. Andrew Marsh says:

    I’ll be here…….

  10. Love your lists! And seeing those photos with Everett. I don’t think I had seen them before. We completely understand that things will never be the same again for you. And we are here to listen to your heart and learn from you. Aaaaand… how awesome that you are going on the Noonday trip!!!!! And that you get to go with Lindsey! So awesome for both of you! Congratulations!

  11. Diane Turpin says:

    Love, love, love the pillow barricade on the steps. Love your sweet family and am missing seeing ya’ll fiercely. Congrats on the Noonday trip. Looking forward to those posts.

  12. Kelly beaty says:

    Thank you for continuing to let us live your life with you, to walk with you during the most awful days of your life, to pray for you and your family.

    Grief is a sneaky and stealthy big feeling. Just bumbling along, minding my own business, managing quite well, thank you very much and WHAMMO. A song, a picture, a fleeting thought. Grief slams in and chokes the very breath out of me. Grief floods my heart and the pain is so sharp I think I might have to reach in and rip said heart out of my chest. Grief crushes and crumples me, pushing me to the floor and forces out choking sobs that surely aren’t coming out of ME. Surely those wailing noises are coming out of someone else who doesn’t have it all together.

    God’s got this. And He’s got you.

  13. Such a sweet post. I’m so sorry your family has to travel this rough road of grief. Will continue to pray for you all.

  14. Love you guys.

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